Month: February 2020
The Bun Story
Words by me (Fiona)
We have a story in my family that is shared regularly, with newcomers and even just as a reason to laugh.
At me.
It is known as ‘The Bun Story’ and it not only causes much mirth at family dinners, it also has some lessons.
The story is:
“When I was about 10 years old there were 2 left over fruit buns sitting on the kitchen bench.
For reasons unknown to this day I took a bite out of one.
Then denied it.
It became a ‘thing’. A ‘thing’ my mum now says she totally wished she had never started.
I recall being lined up against the fridge with my younger sister and brother while being asked ‘who bit the bun’. None of us spoke up.
The longer I didn’t speak up the harder it became to say anything.
Then my brother (who didn’t like fruit buns) was accused directly, but denied it (well it wasn’t actually him!).
Eventually, and it still feels like it went for a long time, we were all punished with no treats for the week.
You might think the story ends there, and wonder why it is so funny… but please step forward with me to a late hour two years later.
Yes,
2
years
later.
Sobbing like my heart was breaking, I went into my parent’s bedroom. “It was me, I bit the bun” I confessed through the tears.
They looked at me in shock for a nano second and then started laughing.
A lot!
And a family story was born.”
So now you know The Bun Story.
And what did I learn from this?
- If you don’t confess right away it just gets harder and harder.
- Having someone else punished for an action you took feels awful.
- If you confess to a relatively minor crime after 2 years people will laugh, a lot.
I encourage you to always own your errors, apologise as soon as you can and never let someone else take the blame.
Coaching Vlog #20
Driven by a great idea!
Words by Fiona based on an interview with Kirby
What do you do when you have a great idea, driven by a need you have, but making that concept a reality means stepping outside your comfort zone?
In Kirby’s case you do your research and go for it!
Boxi came from a real need, “my son has allergies to three different food groups. And I had a challenge as soon as he started to eat solid food, I’d have to take food absolutely everywhere he went, he couldn’t have anything that was packaged. I was taking lots of food in little tiny containers in a bag, but I’d lose the lids or I’d have mismatched lids. And then I found a really cute little bento style lunch box which I loved but I would have to put it in another bag with an icepack and it was a bag external to the bag that I’d have to take everywhere.
“Anyway, that’s what I started thinking about. Maybe I should make a lunch box because I couldn’t actually find one at the time. That was a bento style lunch box where I could compartmentalise the food and keep it cool at the same time. And that’s how it all started really.”
Everything but the marketing was out of Kirby’s comfort zone! She has a degree in communications, but started by Googling ‘how to make a product’ and going from there!
One of the hardest things for Kirby was asking for advice. But once she reached out she found that people were willing to share their own knowledge and experiences. She reached out to someone who she knew had run a successful kickstarter campaign, and also a person who had won a design award. Kirby had been worried they would ignore her or even say no, but instead found amazing help and support!
And yes, Kirby is now helping people who have reached out to her for advice!
Kirby did have setbacks – including a significant investor falling through just as she was about to get started. But she just knew she had a great product. “I got my first prototype sorted before I launched it to the public. And I showed it to a lot of people and I got my friends to take my prototype and show their friends so it was unbiased feedback. And I think the fact that I knew that this product was good and there was nothing like it on the market. That is one thing that has driven me plus, by the time I had that first prototype, which was this time last year, I really felt like I can’t turn back now!”
Kirby is comfortable with change, but is not a big risk taker. So her advice to others considering a similar move is to research! She is happy to take calculated risks, where the pay off is worth it. And is more willing now to do things (like talk to me!) that she would never had agreed to in the past. She still fights a fear of failure, but was given some great advice to “take longer to make a decision on the big decisions”. She realised that it is ok to take a week to get back to someone if she needs that time to be confident in her answer.
In Kirby’s words: “Do it. And don’t wait too long either. I feel like I sat on this idea for too long before I took any action because I was too scared of failing.
“Do your research. Reach out to people who are a year or two years ahead of you in their journey and just learn from their mistakes or learn from their experience so that you can build a relationship with them.
“So I just say go for it. Don’t wait too long. Get the right advice from the professionals, lawyers, engineers, whoever it is that you need. Do your research, use Google! And just go for it. I mean, really, at the end of the day, if this does fail, which is not going to, but if it does, I gave it a go.”
Great advice, and thank you Kirby for giving it a go!
Find out more about Boxi at https://www.boxi.com.au/pages/about-us
Fiona’s Coaching Vlog #19
A reorg, HCD training and trying to squeeze in coaching!
Learn to Love the Resistance
Words by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Lyssa
“I’m interested in doing this because, I guess a couple reasons. Number one, I’m interested in supporting women in particular in their pursuits in the world, and them having a unique voice and having their unique voice be heard. And the other thing is that I’m always interested in discovering more about myself and I find when I do interviews like this I find myself saying things I didn’t know I was going to say. And then that’s a whole other level of reflection for me to take on board.” – Lyssa Adkins
Confession time – when Lyssa agreed to be interviewed for this blog there may have been a mini celebration in the office. We are all huge fans! Now that I have that out of the way, may I say that Lyssa did not disappoint.
Phew – now that we have that out in the open, on with Lyssa’s story.
Lyssa had a unique take on that resistance you feel before you take the step. “I think I’ve over time come to really love that resistance as a friend because if I am somehow wanting something but not making progress on it that resistance is there to say ‘maybe not yet’.
“And I find that I live with things for I’m going to make this concrete in a moment. Because right now it’s quite abstract, I realized, but I find that I live with concepts for quite a while before I’m really ready to move on them. And it takes a while for the vision to come forward. And for me to find a way to do some small experiments. And through those small experiments, prove to myself that I really am okay over here in this new thing. And then the resistance fades and my full vision can come online.”
This really made me think, it was not something I had considered before. I always try to push through that resistance as quickly as I can.
Lyssa and I agreed an example would be great.
“There’s one thing in particular that has been brewing for me for probably about 10 years now. And that’s something related to climate change.
“I became aware of our climate predicament about 10 years ago and was utterly devastated.
“And then sort of went to sleep about it as I built a business and focused on my mission in Agile coaching.
“Just recently I have realized that things have progressed in the climate realm and we’re now faced with living with climate disasters, which wasn’t true as much 10 years ago. And I now have more time to really consider what is my role?
“I’ve started to have dreams about this thing called the Climate Response Network. And I think what it is, is a network of Agile consultancies and coaching organizations around the world that are finely tuned and able to help climate responder organizations. For example, the people who might be organizing how the wildfire response is happening in Australia.
“For a long time, I was sort of thinking maybe that’s where I’m called. I’m even having dreams about it at night but still sort of not making any real tangible progress on it. And whereas I used to find that sort of unconscious or intangible resistance, that resistance underneath the surface. I used to look at it and go: ‘you don’t need to be here, I’m gonna kick you out of the way and I’m going to do this anyway.’ I’ve come over time to learn that’s part of my process actually. Because my vision is coming more clearly into focus.”
For Lyssa there is also an element of talking about it to others to help focus the idea into something more actionable. What also tends to happen during this resistance is that Lyssa finds the people and connections she needs to make it happen start to come onto her life. That helps to build momentum and reassurance that Lyssa is on the right track.
Lyssa split stepping out of your comfort zone into a couple of types – go for it if you are trying to grow, learn etc. But if you have a compelling vision then maybe sit in the resistance a while, pay attention to that resistance.
“And is the nature of their resistance about a belief that they’re not they’re not ‘blank’ whatever the ‘blank’ is – I’m not smart enough, strong enough, I’m don’t have the right connections. Because if that’s the situation as my coach friends always like to say, self-confidence can be arranged.
“If the nature of the resistance is that ‘is that you?’ So for me I’ve been in the pit of despair about where we are as a planetary ecosystem. We’re very quickly encroaching on the planetary boundaries of the planet can sustain human life. So if it’s that I would say go into the despair even more which is kind of a strange thing to say.
“Because in that depth is the yearning, the desire and maybe some clarity about what part of this is yours and what part of this is other people to do.”
I am continuously awed by the different perspectives each person brings to stepping out of their comfort zone.
Thank you again Lyssa for your thoughts!
A little about Lyssa:
I am a coach, facilitator, teacher and inspirer.
My current focus is improving the performance of top leadership teams and Boards of Directors through insightful facilitation and organization systems coaching. Making difficult decisions faster and with clear alignment, unknotting challenging, multi-department impediments, creating the conditions for organizational delivery…this is where I thrive and help thrive.
Coaching vlog #18
DDIY – or Don’t Do It Yourself
Words by me (Fiona)
My goal for the summer break was to convert my exes ‘man cave’ into my ‘she-shed’. This involved emptying, cleaning, acid staining the floor, sealing the floor, painting the walls and moving my gym equipment in. And I had 2 weeks. And all within my skill set (or so I thought).
It started well with a trip to the tip and a new power washer to clean the concrete floor. The acid stain (actually an ethanol or methanol (I forget which) based one) was sprayed on. And I waited with excitement for my floor to turn a lovely teal. 4-6 hours they said. I waited 8 hours before realising the lime levels in my concrete were obviously too low to activate much colour. I had more pale than bright teal. But onwards I went, the option of paying more money to dye the concrete (without guaranteed results) was tempting but I resisted. It is ‘only a shed’ became a mantra.
I did my first coat of seal and visited often as it dried. Patchy. But I had a second coat to go!
I also learned something at this stage – do not seal your concrete floor in bare feet – any seal you walk in will seal the dirt to the soles of your feet for several days!
I applied the second coat (in boots and gloves), trying to make sure the non-shiny parts got more paint. It dried. Patchy. I reminded myself that it is only a shed. It would be fine. About this time, I looked at the curing time – 7 days and I was closing in on my second week of leave! I planned to paint the walls on day 3 (90% cured) before moving the gym into the she-shed on day 8 (a couple of days before going back to work).
Then I looked at the floor again the next day, and the next. And did a third coat of seal. I’ll be honest, it is still patchy. But it is only a shed. I refuse to do a 4th coat.
The delayed painting day arrived. Not something I have done much of. I stirred my paint, lay down plastic drop sheets, with some old towels as extra protection. I found a roller and tray that fit. I used a brush to cut in one panel of the wall and started rolling. Paint went on the wall. And on me. The screws I had chosen not to remove meant more brushwork. Some rolled parts were patchy (theme?) and some had so much paint they dripped. Lines appeared from the edge of the roller. This was not going well! I stepped back to contemplate my technique and how to fix it… onto the edge of my paint tray! Thankfully I only clipped it and it didn’t spill. But it did tear my drop sheet. And finish my journey into painting walls. I was done!
I logged onto airtasker. I will skim over the next 36 hours other than to say that sometimes I am too trusting and the person who accepted my job and then delayed for over 24 hours (with legitimate sounding excuses) before no longer responding to me did not deserve that faith that people try to do the right thing. I was played. (Will I ever understand the pleasure someone gets from doing stuff like that? Probably not.)
Fast forward to lunch time the next day and a different person is out there painting the walls… He showed up 😊. He may have been (self-confessed) the worlds slowest painter, but by 2am I was driving him to the station and the walls were done. OK, so my acid stain spray technique may mean that there are teal patches bleeding through on most of the lower parts of the walls… but it was done!
Lucky it is ‘only a shed’!