Month: July 2020
No Limits!
Words by me, based on an interview with Jessy.
Imagine, if you will, putting a post on linked in that was a bit out of our comfort zone. A sensitive topic. And going to bed pleased that it had 10 likes instead of your typical 2 or 3…
Then imagine waking up the next morning to 150,000 views!
And within 3 weeks that post had been seen by 19 million people.
At the time I am writing this, Jessy has had almost 600,000 likes and almost 40,000 comments on that post. She has over 11,000 followers.
In her own words “it changed my life and opened me up to things that I just what didn’t necessarily have before”.
Jessy grew up in a small town and had grown up feeling quite alone and without much support. She went through some awful experiences as an adult. Jessy told me “I’ve never ever felt in my life, like I had friends and for the first time in my life, I do”.
Stepping out of her comfort zone had been a ‘one day’ thing for Jessy “Oh, it’d be nice to do one day. I’ll do it when time permits. I would love to be a bit more bold.”
The LinkedIn post in question was not something Jessy planned. She wrote from her heart, and that comes through in her words.
Jessy is using the platform she now has to “let other people live their truth and be proud of who they are. I want people to feel empowered, to trust themselves, to bet on themselves. And to really promote that self love. The best way I can describe it is that I truly believe that when you start feeling happier about yourself, your capabilities, and your self worth, I truly believe that that flows onto how you feel about other people and how you want other people to succeed. So I’m very much about holding accountability, holding ourselves accountable for our own happiness and our own successes.” The passion and care in Jessy shone brightly as she described her goals to me.
I asked Jessy what had changed for her in the past 3 weeks “the biggest thing for me has been that I wake up every morning and I’m so excited. I’m so excited to create content. I’m constantly making new videos, having conversations, writing blog posts. I just want to start now!
“My life has changed because I feel like, for the first time ever, now is the time that I can do something. I’ve met some amazing people with some amazing stories and my life is forever better for it.
“I’m constantly growing and I do enjoy learning and developing myself as a person, but I never realised how much I loved hearing and learning about other people until now. So I’m very excited!”
Jessy also learned that she is a lot tougher than she thought! She was scared to post her story for fear people would agree with those that had bullied her. “Actually, I have had that. Of course, you’re not going to get a post be viewed by so many people and not get any negativity, and I have had that. But I’ve realised that I can take a lot more than I can thought. For example (really sorry about my language) I had a message yesterday from someone saying ‘yeah, but you’re an effing fat whale.’
“I think that two weeks ago, I would have been so crushed by that. But now I’m thinking, actually, you’ve gone out of your way to do that! I’ve clearly made you feel something. So therefore my message is still correct, that people need to start making other people uncomfortable, so that things can start improving.”
As always, I asked Jessy for advice for someone thinking about stepping out of their comfort zone “In terms of stepping out of your comfort zone. I genuinely believe that it can go good or it can go bad, but it’s only going to go as bad as you let it. I don’t mean to sound so corny, but everything is a lesson. I think it’s the attitude that is really important. And if you’re going to go all that way, stepping out of your comfort zone, you may as well make it so epic, that you are so proud of it.”
Jessy admitted her answer today is different than it would have been to w weeks ago, but it included “Do it!
“If it hadn’t worked out, I think I wouldn’t have been that worse off.”
Self-limiting beliefs hold people back and “And so that’s why you should step out of your comfort zone and you should do things that scare you or is not normal for you. Because then it helps you grow as a person and helps you realise what your limitations are. You can start pushing them and really the only thing you’re doing is opening yourself up to more new opportunities.”
Thank you, Jessy,!
A bit about Jessy:
Jessy is a Marketing professional embarking on a self love journey and looking for others to join her. She started The Emotion Exchange as a safe place for professionals to gather together to learn, grow and empower each other. Jessy hopes that within the group everyone is able to share their experience and expertise, change the stigma of emotions and tears to be turned into a positive and allow professionals to grow into the leaders they deserve to be.
Invisible Expectations
Image by me (Fiona)
Carly reflected on comfort zones and what they mean when I invited her to be interviewed for this blog. “I was thinking about my experience and what is the comfort zone. And more to the point, why do we call it a comfort zone because it’s really not a comfortable place to be?
“And having the courage to make a change or try something in a different way might feel a bit challenging or uncomfortable or scary before we take the plunge. But as soon as you take that first step, you feel really liberated and energised. And it’s almost like a return to who you really are. I feel like that’s the difference between living and existing.”
Carly’s experience that she chose to share was her decision to take a break from alcohol “I had found myself in a place where I was really unhappy. And I felt like I was sort of stuck in a rut where I was working really hard all week – working long hours in quite an intense, stressful role.
“Then the weekend would come and I couldn’t wait to get out of the office and go and have a drink with friends and then I’d party through the weekend, and then Monday would come and I’d be back at square one.
“I was ‘healthy’ by societal standards, I wasn’t drinking every night, I wasn’t considered an alcoholic. But looking back, it wasn’t a healthy way of living at all”
A traumatic event found Carly reflecting on how she was living her life and she came to the conclusion that alcohol was holding her back. “Then I started to think ‘Alright, well maybe I’ll just have a break’ I didn’t set out to stop drinking for a week or a month or three months – there were no rules. I decided that I would have a break and see how that felt.”
Making that decision brought up a lot of uncomfortable questions for Carly “You’ve got this dinner with these people – so how do I do that? Or we’ve got that work thing. And then questioning – do you do you really have to drink at those events? Because I would always have thought ‘Yeah, of course I do.’
“And that’s how we operate in society, in the circles that I was in, my family and in my workplaces. It made me realise not only how normalised it was, but also had me questioning whether there was a bit of identity wrapped up in that.
“So, who am I if I’m not that fun party girl? Who am I if I’m not this person who drinks socially? And how is that going to be perceived?
“I also realised that under that there was a bit of fear of being seen in a different way, or a fear of letting that go. And then I realised how ridiculous both of those things were.
“Wondering would my friends still want to hang out with me if I wasn’t going to be drinking, and realising how ridiculous that was.”
Carly decided to just try it. No rules made, more experimental, an exploration, something that took courage in stepping away from the comfort zone and what was considered ‘normal’.
“I was quite amazed after getting past those initial ‘challenges’ that they were really not real. And I wasn’t held to anything. And realising that I did still enjoy that lunch. And people did still talk to me at the at the work event, the wedding, the social event. And furthermore, there was now a more valuable conversation to be had.”
Carly found that this step out of her comfort zone had a ripple effect of choices that were made from a place of selfcare – decisions that have led to a new job, a new home, and a deeper connection with nature and exercise.
She also started questioning the unspoken expectations – from something as simple as leaving a dinner when you are tired rather than waiting for an ‘acceptable’ time to leave.
For people considering a step out of their comfort zone Carly has this advice “It comes down to connecting to the meaning and purpose behind what you’re doing and what that means to you, and who you really are. Because if you’re stepping out of your comfort zone for you, then the minute that you take that step, it’s going to feel completely liberating, and you’ll feel supported and so free and alive. You’ll be completely energised and you’ll never look back.
“But I think if you were stepping out of your comfort zone out of pressure or out of expectation, or because you feel that you ‘should’ do something for someone else – I don’t know how that will go. It probably would not feel as true”
Carly finished with a reminder that the comfort zone may be familiar – but it is not really that comfortable! And she raised an enquiry: “Why is it that we seek comfort over personal growth?”
Interviewing for my blog
Did you know that some of my early blog interviews were done via email?
I can’t imagine doing that now.
But at the time it was my alternative to an in-person interview.
And people quite liked the option of writing their considered answers.
What was missing was the connection I feel when interviewing someone. Hearing the story behind the words. Hearing the passion in their voice, or watching their face light up.
Also missing was the ability to ask different questions, to gain clarity on a point or even change direction.
Having said that, I have no regrets about doing written interviews. I probably would have had less people willing to be interviewed in those early days without that option. And they were also much easier for me to write up! No need to interpret the voice to text conversion.
I think that often in life and work we do things a certain way for a variety of reasons, then as we learn and grow, we change our approach.
Even my in-person interview technique has evolved.
Through trying to pick my words out of the quotes of my interviewee I learned to listen with my body not my mouth!
I learned that direct eye contact makes it hard for some people to feel comfortable sharing, so looking away from them can be better, and I learned to take my cue from the interviewee.
Discovering that some of the best stories come from asking for more about a point that was made instead of just moving to my next question meant that I listened harder for those gems.
My own reactions sometimes have to be stifled – especially my tendency to ponder on what was just said to me while the poor interviewee waits for my next question!
And I learned that a good interview and a good coaching session have a lot in common!
I hope my blogs have been improving as I get better at interviewing – my goal is to do justice to the amazing stories that are shared with me.
Get Messy
Words by me based on an interview with Stacey
Stacey loves to challenge herself! She says it comes from the example her Dad set.
“My Dad started his business when I was only a few years old. So I didn’t know anything different. He built it into a very successful company and sold it many years later.
Over the years, I saw the hard work and sacrifice. But he used to say how fun it was too!
I always knew I wanted to have my own business one day. My Dad was my inspiration. I was drawn to the freedom of being my own boss — I’m a very independent person and freedom is one of my biggest values.”
Despite the goal and inspiration being there from an early age, Stacey’s journey to becoming a business owner took many more years! She started out her career in the corporate world. An ambitious high-performer, she worked her way up into her first management role in her mid-20’s.
But as her 30’s approached Stacey gave herself a deadline!
She stepped out of her comfort zone, leaving her corporate job days before her 30th birthday with the goal of starting her own recruitment business.
Doing the right thing by her former employer, Stacey had a 6 month break. Being very risk averse, she also took the time to do her due diligence and make sure her business was financially viable before opening the doors.
Although her business quickly became a success, it wasn’t always easy. ‘I’m a very self-motivated person but I think it’s a real shock when you first step out on your own. You’re no longer accountable to a pay cheque, having to be at your desk at 8am each morning, a boss, or anything like that!”
5 years after starting her consulting business, Stacey began to feel like something was missing. “I wasn’t fulfilled by my work and knew I had to find something more meaningful.” After months of exploration, she retrained as a professional coach and pivoted her business!
“I’m naturally a very driven. I love to challenge myself and always want to do and achieve more. But it has to be aligned and fulfilling — I have to be energised, fired up and passionate about what I’m doing.”
Stacey finds being challenged helps her learn and grow — both of which are very important to her. “When I start to stagnate and feel that’s not there anymore, then I’m ready to take on the next challenge.”
I asked Stacey what advice she would give to someone considering a step out of their comfort zone and she shared “Ask yourself — ‘What have you got to lose? And how much more do you have to gain?’
“You can choose to stay where you are, playing it safe, doing what you’ve always done. Or, you can choose to step outside your comfort zone. It’s not going to be the easiest path and it will be scary — but the benefits far outweigh the initial fear.
“So, I would say take the leap — just do it.
“I’ve learned, particularly in recent years, that life is short — and it’s there to be lived. You can’t do that by staying in your comfort zone. You need to get uncomfortable, get messy sometimes to truly experience life and all it has to offer.”
Great advice Stacey — thank you!
Stacey Back — Profile Careers
Stacey Back is the Founder of Profile Careers and a professional coach + mentor to aspiring and early stage consultants. She helps them launch and grow their own consulting businesses and develop their careers. Stacey’s professional background includes ten years’ in consulting with international companies in Australia and the UK. After a career in corporate sales, HR and recruitment, she founded her own successful consulting business in 2013, before launching Profile Careers in 2018. For the past 12 years, Stacey has coached hundreds of professionals and entrepreneurs, supporting them to execute their professional goals. Her approach is highly strategic and based on the proven methods used successfully in her own career and business. She is passionate about sharing the lessons from her own journey to success to help others achieve the same
My coaching vlog #30
I realise just how much I have to learn from my amazing fellow coaches, and also talk a bit about the way we ‘interview’ for chapter/people lead roles