Month: April 2021

Passion and Purpose

Leave a comment
Words by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Kylie
Image by me

Kylie learned the hard way that ‘following your passion’ is not always the path to happiness.

In her case, stepping out of her comfort zone career-wise seemed like the antidote for her lifelong battle with depression and anxiety.

“From early on I assumed that my emotional state was a product of my life circumstances. I dreamed of leaving the small country town I’d grown up in and moving to the city so I could finally be in control of my choices. And that’s pretty much what I did. I went to uni and picked up couple of part-time jobs. I worked really, really hard to acquire all the things that I thought would make me happy – a successful career as a radiographer, dream home, classic car, designer things, great social life and heaps of friends.  Essentially, all the things that the advertising agents tell you will make you happy. But the thing is, none of these material acquisitions changed anything about my life. I was still completely hollow and empty on the inside. 

“And that was devastating. I kept thinking, perhaps it’s just because I haven’t met the love of my life or I haven’t found the career of my dreams. There were no contenders on the romance front, so I decided that the one thing I could control was my career.  So I went looking for something that I thought would make my heart sing. And that’s when an opportunity arose to set up a decorative metal finishes business. It felt like my destiny. So I literally took the leap of faith and left my secure and stable career behind.

“My foray into the architectural and design industry was exciting at first. Unfortunately, after six years of pouring all my resources into this business, it failed. I lost a lot of money and it broke me emotionally. What I couldn’t understand was why. My decision felt so right at the beginning. I thought it was what I really wanted to do. 

“In hindsight, I realised that I’d made the all-too-common mistake of following a passion rather than my purpose.

“As far as how I dealt with it, I don’t know that I did. I felt like such a failure and fell into a deep depression. To cope, I simply kept putting one foot in front of the other. I felt too embarrassed to go back to my old career. I took some time out and did simple, odd jobs that were offered to me.

“More and more, I wanted to understand why things had gone so wrong when they had felt so right. I wanted to know what was wrong with me, why I wasn’t satisfied and why I couldn’t enjoy the simple pleasures in life.  So I started searching. I did lots of courses, workshops, retreats, and that sort of thing to try and work out what was missing. This continued for a good 16 years.”

To cut to the chase, Kylie did find her purpose.  The full story, she says, takes two days to tell properly.

In the essence of time, she had this to share about passion and purpose.

“What people don’t realise is that purpose and passion play two really different roles in your life.  You can have many passions, but only one true purpose.

Passions are the things you thoroughly enjoy doing because they make you feel good. They are very much driven by emotion and thus can fluctuate depending on your mood. In that way they are really quite self-serving. Passions, however, are essential because they help create work life balance, particularly in the face of challenges.

“Your purpose is your contribution to humanity and allows you to serve others in the way that only you can. It can be defined as a combination of your unique skills, talents and life experiences.

“And it’s only through living your purpose that you ever find fulfillment and meaning.

Thank you Kylie!

Kylie Attwell is an author, content curator and facilitator for self-transformation. Her skills and services take a multi-disciplinary approach based on the latest therapeutic modalities and brain science. In her Brisbane practice, she conducts one-on-one consultations and energy assessments to ascertain where clients are on their journey, and then provides personalised guidance to help change the printout of their life. She also facilitates belief change, emotional release, and hands-on healing sessions to relieve stress and anxiety.

Anything is possible

Leave a comment
Words by Fiona (me) based on an interview with Steph
Photo by Aleksandra Boguslawska on Unsplash

Steph was suffering from PTSD as a result of her work as an paramedic.

She tried a few different things to help herself recover – “I tried lots of different things. I went to a different station to work for a while, I took up a business course and decided to learn about starting a business, and started swimming, but I’d also written a bucket list which I had taken out again to look at. I decided that I was going to pick the biggest, most meaningful thing off my bucket list and and do it”

What Steph picked was walking the 800km Camino Trail. It runs from the just before the border of France right across the north of Spain and is a mountainous pilgrim trail.

Steph was not particularly fit at the time, had severe knee arthritis and anxiety from the ptsd, but she had a year to prepare.

Preparation included sharing her story via Facebook (a public commitment!) and a book she has written, and also raining money for PTSD – specifically the Black Dog Institute.

Eventually the time came to start the walk “As I sat on the bus as it drove across the Alps towards my starting point, I was completely and utterly petrified. Everything in me just wanted to go home. I thought I cannot walk those mountains, I’m alone and I’m not fit enough. There was lots and lots of self talk – you didn’t train enough and that was your own fault, you’re gonna die on those mountains just trying to walk up them, what were you thinking doing this alone.”

Steph then looked up and saw the shepherds bringing their herds down the mountain and had a moment of thought “I can just start where I am. Start with the fitness I’ve got and build it up, be sensible about it, do as much as I can without injuring myself or hurting myself, and in that moment I  remembered why I was doing it and wanted to succeed, I wanted to make it to Santiago de Compostela and enjoy the journey along the way that I had read so much about. I had an image in my head of what it would be like on that final day to walk into the square and see the big Cathedral and know that I’d finished this.

“That became my driving force. I had a couple of nights there in the little town where you start the walk.  I spent the first day exploring and getting my mind in the right space to start the walk the next day. I was terrified to walk on my own, I didn’t know whether it was fully safe, so I rationalized that there are many people who do this walk every year and finish it and they are all different types of people with their own unique reasons for being there. I knew in that moment it was a mind thing more so than my fitness and it had been a long held passion for too long. It was time to make the dream a reality.”

The next day Steph began her 6 week walk. You average about 20km per day and the walk is often metaphorically divided into 3 phases – physical, mental and spiritual.

The first two weeks were the hardest physically. “It was so hard on my body every day. The pain in my knees and feet and trying to breathe walking up the mountains challenged every bit of my will.” Yet Steph persisted and slowly her fitness and endurance built up more and more.

The next 2 weeks were the hardest mentally “My mind kicked in. I started thinking about what I was doing here, about my home, my family and my life and about the PTSD, how long I could keep doing my job and what else could I do. I had been a paramedic so long that I didn’t have any other skills.” Steph describes lots of conflicted thinking and the war of thoughts inside her mind.

Steph was a much slower walker than most of the others on the trail and this meant she walked alone for 95% of the time. This provided a LOT of time to think.

By the end of about 4 weeks of walking she remembers standing on the top of a hill one day, looking back in amazement that she had already walked from as far in the distance as she could see and when she turned around, ahead as far as she could see was the distance still to walk that day. She had 29 days behind her that she had done and was already two thirds of the way through this journey.

A couple of days later was Steph’s nemesis mountain, the one she feared she would not be able to climb. A 9km walk up the highest mountain on the trail, and after 4 weeks of beautiful weather it started to rain and get cold. 3kms into the days walk Steph stopped for a cup of tea at a café, where it would have been so easy to call a taxi to complete the rest of the ascent to the top. She made the decision to continue walking despite the wet and cold, and after a further 3kms at the next town, over a hot chocolate she made that choice again. No taxis required! Steph conquered her nemesis that day.

After that Steph started noticing more of the beauty around her and kept walking every day and after the next 10 rain (and snow!) filled days the sun came back out. The walk had now become a routine and a joy as she found acceptance and awe in what she was able to do. No longer focussed on the things she couldn’t do, the possibility of what lay ahead for her life became exciting and carried her strongly though the remainder of the walk.

On the final day Steph reflected “Walking into that square at the end of an 800 kilometre walk was phenomenal. It was a once in a lifetime thing that you just never imagine a 55 year old female who, as a shift worker has never lived with routine, could do something day after day for 42 days, that was so physically and mentally demanding. I was there and I had done it!

“The beautiful part about it is I came back a completely different person. I came back with a different view of the world and at the lessons I learned in that journey still guide me now.”

I asked Steph what made her keep going on those hard days “I’ve done lots of things in my life where you start and then give up. I did it because I wanted to inspire myself and prove that despite any odds, anything is possible. Through challenging the things that I shouldn’t, wouldn’t or couldn’t do, I want to inspire others to go out into the world and do those things that spark a fire in their minds, even when they think it is impossible.”

Steph still has PTSD but is using her experiences to help others to create and succeed in their own 1 Big Goal.  I have every faith that someone as determined as she is will work it out!

A Do-Over

Leave a comment
Words by Rhea
Image by me (Fiona)

Have you ever wanted a do-over?

Rhea took advantage of a second shot at University to do just that!

Please see below Rhea’s answers to my questions about her experience.

Tell me about a time you stepped out of your comfort zone?

In 2015 I re-entered University to get a second shot at my first year. A series of crises in the previous year forced me to take an unexpected hiatus, but since most people don’t get do-overs and second chances, I decided to use it as an opportunity to better myself and grow out of this shy persona I had cultivated for myself. I privately made a resolution to myself that I was going to initiate a conversation with at least 5 people and try to exchange phone numbers. 

Why did you do it?

Back in high-school, I found myself getting increasingly shyer and it was beginning to cripple me. It slowly began to erode my self-confidence and affected how I presented myself. I walked hunched over with my head down, arms crossed over my chest and with my voice thin to a permanent whisper. I wanted to take the first steps to improve myself, and since University was a fresh start, I thought that was the perfect opportunity. I realize now that this manner of presenting myself was just a reflection of the inner turmoil I was experiencing.

What was the outcome?

It was not only a big step for me that made me feel accomplished, but it got easier each time. It was through that experience that I met my longstanding best friend through Uni, Beth. Of course, much of the relationships I initially began fizzled out naturally. But since I was able to initiate far more than the 5 that I set out to do, I was able to meet so many people and begin many new friendships.

How did you feel before, during and after?

Before taking the very first step, I was obviously afraid. The thought of being soundly rejected repeated itself in my head and initially made my anxiety much worse. But I pushed through anyways. I started small, practicing putting myself at ease in conversation, not answering with one-word answers and asking follow-ups that would continue conversation. Most importantly, when a conversation was cut off short and those feelings of rejection began creeping up, I reminded myself not to take it personally and just continue accomplishing my goal. It got easier to do as time went on because whenever anxiety started rearing its ugly head, I simply reminded myself of all the times I was successful, and that voice of doubt was immediately disproven. After all was said and done, I felt immensely proud of myself. I was proud of the fact that I was able to see something in myself and—rather than beat myself up for it— work to improve it.  

Would you step out of your comfort zone again? Why? (Or why not?)

I would absolutely do it again. I still consider myself quite shy, even though a lot of people think of me as confident. I’ve found the feedback I’ve gotten quite reaffirming as well. My ultimate goal in life is to be absolutely fearless and try most things that scare me, and there’s no way to accomplish that without stepping out of my comfort zone every now and then. I even managed to take the stage to sing for some open mic nights during University. That isn’t something I’d come close to doing had I not taken that initial small step.

What did you learn from being out of your comfort zone?

The experience taught me that many of my fears were overblown. Even if I did experience the “downsides” like rejection, it wasn’t as bad as my imagination made it seem and I’d feel much worse never having tried. Not trying felt like giving up on myself and reaffirmed that negative perception I had of myself. Stepping out of my comfort zone was my way of telling myself that I fundamentally don’t believe my negative qualities exist and that I know I’m fully capable of trying at the very least. 

What advice would you give to someone considering stepping out of their comfort zone?

Break up a big goal into small steps. If your resolution is to do a standup routine on open mic night, think of all the smaller skills that entails: being able to speak in crowds, being able to deliver your thoughts confidently, thinking on your feet, not taking bombing personally. Building up these smaller skills will make accomplishing the next thing you set out to do much easier, and it culminates in the ability to conquer larger tasks that used to faze you.

Rhea Henry now works as a copy writer for sites like Rank-It.ca and hopes to someday publish her own work.