The very first response I received when asking people to share their stories for my blog was humbling to me. It was an intensely personal story, and my gratitude to Subhashini is enormous.

Before I start, please note the content warnings: Abuse, depression

Subhashini was only 15 when her story begins, and the planning began months earlier. Try to imagine being in such an abusive situation that, despite the stigma of living alone in India, despite society expecting you to live with your parents until marriage (and sometimes beyond), despite it being ‘’too scary”, you leave home alone at the age of 15. Keep in mind that even when it is awful, home is still what you know and your ‘’comfort zone’’.

Subhashini’s parents were abusive. In her words ‘’I faced a lot of physical as well as emotional abuse coupled with neglect. They always wanted a male child and were extremely disappointed to have me. … It led to quite an early onset of depression and PTSD. I was getting more and more suicidal with each passing day. That’s when I decided that I have to take my life into my own hands and do something for myself rather than waiting around to be accepted”.

Operating in absolute stealth, Subhashini planned her escape. The big move occurred very quickly and suddenly after a huge fight with her mother. Once her mother left for work Subhashini packed the items she had set aside to take with her and left the house. ‘’ It was the sheer force of my will which made me carry two big suitcases and 2 huge bags full of books all on my own … I reached the train station and took a train without knowing where I would be going. All the adrenaline dipped as soon as the train left the station. I realized I was shaking from head to toe. The anxiety was unreal! I decided to call one of my college friends who sneaked me into her old house and let me stay there till I found a job and another accommodation’’

Subhashini says that despite the months of planning ‘’I wasn’t really prepared and you can never be prepared for such things’’.

The story doesn’t end there, Subhashini found a job (despite being underage) and through sheer hard work managed to finish college. 8 years on she has a decent job, rents her own apartment and even has a pet. Therapists have helped her work through her issues.

Subhashini has gone from feeling desolate and out of control to feeling like she is able to breathe.

Would Subhashini recommend stepping out of your comfort zone?

”DEFINITELY! I would do it over as many times as possible because it has taught me so many valuable things in life. I am a better person overall. I look back and I see how much I’ve grown in these eight years, personally as well as professionally. I can articulate well, express myself better. I don’t run away from situations anymore, I face it and deal with all the emotions that come with it. I am confident and more positive and I feel optimistic. I don’t instantly get bogged down by complex situations. I am more rational and I can keep my head at all times. I don’t think any of it would have been possible had I not decided to step out of my comfort zone (Which was 15 yrs of abuse and I was actually comfortable in that space since it was something I was used to and had learnt to cope with in my own unhealthy ways). I think this is the base to all the greatness one can accomplish, a stepping stone towards achieving anything you want however small or big it may be!”

And the last words of this post are also from Subhashini ”Preparation is good but as I said, no amount of preparation is going to help you navigate through life the way you want. Sometimes it’s best to take that leap of faith and trust yourself to sail the stormy seas. It’s good to listen to people but not rely on people to make your decisions. It’s absolutely okay to go wrong or be wrong, we are all learning. Accept and move forward. Things are never as bad as they seem to be. Do not ever hesitate to ask people for help. It’s never a bad idea. Talk to people and you never know how someone might be able to help you. My faith in humanity has increased so much because of all the people that I’ve talked to, who turned out to be wonderful. 
Keep faith and just do it!”

About Subhashini:

I am a 23 yr old student of Law and Sociology. In my free time, I am a researcher working on Intersectional Feminism in India. My weekend projects includes volunteering for NGOs to provide gender sensitivity workshops to 8th grade children. Diversity and inclusion is what I strive for. As for hobbies, I am into DIY home décor and also paint whenever I am not occupied with other things.