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Coaching Vlog #12
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Author: Fiona Tibballs
My name is Fiona Tibballs and I am passionate about the benefits of leaving your comfort zone. I do it myself as often as possible. I am so grateful for the opportunity to share stories about courage on my blog.
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Out of your comfort zone and into prison
Word by Fiona based on Jacqui’s amazing story
Jacqui’s story left me literally speechless. Not a great look on an interviewer, but I think she understood.
Jacqui stepped a long way out of her comfort zone, described to me how it felt in vivid word pictures, and it was to aid a fantastic cause!
Catherine Hoke has created a program where she utilises the entrepreneurial talents most criminals innately have to create a ‘legal hustle’ to enable the prisoners to better themselves and also for the greater good. And this program in some of the prisons has been so exceptional that they have a 98% non recidivism rate.
Jacqui attended a retreat where she heard Catherine speak passionately about her program, and it made her realise that she was not following her own passion and purpose. As part of Jacqui’s journey (and she may have to come back to talk about quitting her job!) she put her hand up to be a part of Catherine’s program. ‘And so part of my journey was to actually say to her, and this was already getting outside of my comfort zone to put my hand up and say ‘I want to come to prison as a volunteer and do the prison program’. So that was the first step. And then second step was to actually follow through with that and book the trip (it was in California), and say ‘I’m going to prison to do this volunteer prison program.’ So I did.’
I asked Jacqui what this actually involved, and after explaining to me that ‘it was an experience of a lifetime. It’s nothing I’ve ever, ever experienced before, both physically and emotionally, and mentally, and just so many lessons, it was amazing’ she described what the prison visit involved:
‘The prisoners have spent 20 or 30 weeks studying this entrepreneurship, and then what they have to do is present their business and their hustle to you, and you need to mentor them. So as a business owner, or as someone who’s from the outside world who has experience, you go in there and they basically pitch, you listen to them, and you help mentor them and guide them through their program, you go through their progress.
‘Along the way, you also hear about their story. And you get to connect with them on an emotional level, to really hear and understand what their upbringing was like, and what their background was like. And that, I think, was the biggest eye opener that I’ve ever experienced.
‘We did an exercise called ‘step to the line’, on one side of the line, were all the volunteers. And on the other side, there’re all the prisoners. And you literally had to step to the line if there was a sentence that was true for you. And if it wasn’t true for you step back. And just very simple comments, or questions such as ‘were you tucked in at night by two loving parents as a child’. And of course, you know, 99% of the volunteers stayed at the line. And I would say maybe two or three of the prisoners were left standing at the line. And to look at that, it just hit home that from day one, most of those men, (and I’m not saying every single prisoner falls into this category) but the majority are born into their situations. And if they don’t have the right leadership, if they don’t have the right mentors, if they don’t personally have the right skill set to be able to get themselves out of that, then it turns to an illegal opportunity. And they take that on board. They get driven by the money, they get driven by the success. And that was really the number one eye opener for me from the get go.’
Two things drove Jacqui to volunteer for this experience; the passion Catherine demonstrated and also to look more into forgiveness. ‘Because I’ve never given an incarcerated person a second chance, I’ve pretty much shut the door on them and said, ‘Well, you’ve done wrong, why should you be let out?’ Which I think a lot of people do. And I guess that in its own right is a judgment without knowing the facts.’
Jacqui shared with me many parts of her experience, including sitting on a bus full of entrepreneurs, but I will skip ahead to entering the prison itself. ‘For me the number one part of the experience that will never ever leave me was walking into the prison. And going through the security check. And literally the only thing you are allowed on you is your ID. That was it. No phones, absolutely nothing other than your ID. So you walk in. And it’s like watching a movie.
‘You hear the big steel gates, and the big steel doors, solid steel doors closed behind you. You are in this little box, the security guard is behind his glass wall. And he’s looking at you, checking your ID. It was a group of about 10 people in this box. And all I could hear were like 50 or 60 men on the other side of this door screaming and shouting. And my heart was in my throat and I was thinking I’m about to feed myself to the sharks. That’s how I felt. And there was no way back at that point.
‘I was comforted by the fact that I was with other people. And it wasn’t just females that I was with. But the very first thing when you’re in that security section that you are told is ‘this is a maximum security prison, the highest security you can go. And that threat is real. If you hear gunshots, they are real gunshots. There’s no drill. If you hear a gunshot, then you will also hear guards yelling ‘go to ground, go to ground, go to ground.’ But as volunteers we ask you not to go to ground. So if you hear ‘go to ground’ and you hear a gunshot don’t go to ground, find a wall and stand against the wall.’ And that is so they can differentiate you obviously from the prisoners.
‘Then these doors open, the steel door opens. And we’re at the top of this concrete and metal staircase. And you look down and there are literally about 50 grown men in prison uniform, screaming and shouting in excitement to welcome us and the music was going and they’re all dancing. And they’re forming a tunnel. And we’re walking down the stairs and having to then walk through this tunnel of incarcerated men who were in there for everything.
‘I honestly I felt like I was walking down those steps thinking ‘Oh my gosh, what the hell am I doing?’’
After this amazing experience (times two as she visited two different prisons over two days) Jacqui achieved her goals of changing her view of people in prisons. She now tries to always keep an open mind until you know exactly what someone has been through.
Jacqui felt that stepping out of her comfort zone really enabled her to grow, and encourages others to step out of their own comfort zones – but adds they need to do it for themselves not for anyone else!
About Jacqui:
After experiencing the suffering of cancer from the deaths of her brother-in-law and beautiful mother, along with having 2 young children, managing a business and encountering a life-threatening infection, Jacqui has learnt that even the most capable people still need help during a challenging time.
These experiences caused her to stop, reflect and question the true meaning of life.
Evaluating the next stage of her entrepreneurial journey Jacqui made the decision to combine her love for people and business to launch her next venture: The Helping Hub.
A new and unique online marketplace for people to turn good intentions into practical gift-giving solutions with products and support service vouchers to provide the answer to the question “How can I help?”
As Managing Director, Jacqui focuses on the strategic direction of the business, liaises with key stakeholders and manages the day to day operations.
To join the mission, visit www.thehelpinghub.com
Adapting your way out of your comfort zone
Image courtesy of Laura
Starting your own business is scary. Quitting your corporate job to do so is scary. Starting an adaptive clothing business when the last time you sewed was for a grade four butterfly project which left you traumatised? Terrifying!
Adaptive clothing is designed to be easily worn by people who have difficulty with traditional clothing – possibly due to a disability or age – and uses items like Velcro or magnets for fastening instead of buttons and zips. It is easy to wear, and does already exist in Australia… but Laura saw a gap in the market when it came to “beautiful clothing that can be worn by everyone”.
Laura has always had an interest in fashion, and really wanted to make a positive difference in the world.
This is really new for Laura – she started at the beginning of August! At this stage she is feeling really excited! She has entered a Venture Cup at her old Uni, and will hopefully get into the finalists.
Laura is an old hand at leaving her comfort zone. “I guess I just want to try new things. Probably my first major stepping out of my comfort zone was when I was 15 years old. I was just reading a magazine and I saw this amazing school called the Green School in Bali. And it’s in built entirely from bamboo, and it’s in a rain forest, next to a river. And I talked to my parents and they said ‘if you organize it all you can go.’ That was the worst mistake ever. Because I actually organized it! I contacted friends of friends, I organized passports, visas, accommodation transport to and from school, vaccinations, like a million different things. And I stayed with a Balinese family there.”
The best part of stepping out of your comfort zone according to Laura is being able to challenge what you think you are capable of. “If you stay in your little bubble you are not going to learn much”.
If you are considering a step out of your comfort zone, Laura suggests “find someone you trust and talk to them about it is. Because there’s a lot of people out there who are happy to mentor and help. And they’ll be able to provide you with feedback or ideas, that sort of thing.”
Laura started this year fighting major depression and anxiety. What a year she is having!
When I summarised back to Laura all she had shared with me, I loved the glow on her face.
I can’t wait to hear what she gets up to next!
Coaching VLOG #11
Subtitles available.
The Other Side of Yes
Words by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Natalie Peters
Imagine taking on a challenge that was completely out of your comfort zone, a role that was totally new to you and largely unknown by many people in your company. A role that instantly opened you up to criticism and conflict in ways you weren’t really anticipating. That was the position Natalie Peters found herself in when she took on the task to lead the ways of working transformation at Telstra. In her words ‘I think in every possible way, professionally, and personally, the last 2 years has pushed me outside of my comfort zone’.
Belief is a topic that came up several times in my conversation with Nat, including why she persisted to get the results we can now see in Telstra as it clearly wasn’t easy. ‘What kept me going was the belief that it was the right thing to do for Telstra and for our people. Even though at times people were resisting the change and were afraid of what it meant, my belief in it overall being the best for our company was always strong’.
Other things that kept Nat believing in pushing forward: ‘Changing a large complex organisation isn’t easy and is never a lone mission. I had an amazing team of people to work with and as we experimented with how we adapt ways of working in the company, the momentum grew and grew. That gave me hope that more people believed and I was in fact on the right path. And the other thing was being able to talk quite openly about what was going well and equally what wasn’t going so well, being open to talk about the learnings was really important along the way. I think I learnt so much more from what didn’t work well than from what did. In a strange way, that builds belief. Personally, I didn’t do the things you should do. I should have been focused on looking after myself a little more so didn’t do meditation, I didn’t exercise, I also didn’t sleep much or take care of myself. I don’t recommend that! I am just saying I personally didn’t do any of that and I really should have.’
As you can imagine, Nat learnt a lot while being so far out of her comfort zone ‘I think with the benefit of hindsight, I got more and more comfortable as my knowledge grew. On reflection I do think I went too fast at particular times. So what I’ve learned is, it’s all well and good to have a vision in your mind as to the end goal but you have to bring people along with you at the same pace. Everyone working in this new way is in some respect outside of their comfort zone, its all new! So checking in with people is really important to make sure they feel prepared to adapt to the changes. That’s the resistance you get as the answers aren’t always clear so it does make people more anxious than in perhaps more standard transformations.’
I asked Nat about the other benefits of stepping out of her comfort zone ‘whenever anyone asks me what it was like doing this role my answer is always the same – , this has been the best and hardest period in my career. It’s the best now because I can see how special it was and how much people have grown from the experience. I know how much I have been able to grow from this and I have learnt so much about organisations, supporting people through change, but also about myself. I have to unlearn a lot of things to do this role and I think I am better for it. I would never have known these things if I didn’t go and do something that made me feel unsure of myself. Because in that experience you see the best and the worst of yourself. And it prepares you for whatever’s coming next.’ In Nat’s case next is another big step that will take her to London!
Nat shared with me a specific learning – this is where she talked again about belief. ‘one of the things I did quite early on was running the enterprise leadership meeting with circa 200 of our leaders across the company. And I was trying to teach them some agile tools in a day basically, and I was doing it a very disruptive way solving real company impediments. This was the first moment of stepping out of my comfort zone, I’d been in the job six weeks when I took this task on. I was always determined to be bold. And I was about to get on stage for the first time and the pressure was massive and I remember I was nervous about the event being successful and having the right impact. As I was about to get on stage, I had this moment where I thought ‘How do I be confident?’ And I said to my co-facilitator on the day Dominic Price from Atlassian, ‘How do you have so much confidence when you’re speaking like that?’ And he said, ‘I don’t have confidence it’s belief.’ And it was the first moment where confidence was something different for me. I’d always thought that being confident was the right mindset but actually that was perhaps more about pretending…. Belief however allows you to be vulnerable, more open and connect in a very different way with what you are doing. I know that sounds corny for some people, but during this transformation, everything that tested me has actually given me more overall belief. Because I had belief in what I was doing, I knew what my thresholds were, what my limits were and what I was able to do. I was able to ask for help more openly and I would never have asked for help before because I wanted people to think I was in control and had total confidence. But belief is something deeper and subsequently that created more belief in others that they could trust me and follow me.’
Nat had one last piece of advice: ‘the reason I step outside of your comfort zone is because I am curious. I think life is a massive adventure, made up of a series of adventures. And unless you say yes to things, you will always be stuck in ‘no’ and wondering why things aren’t changing or moving for you. And when I get stuck in the ‘no’ I have no one to blame but myself. And it’s not always the best place to be. And when I am feeling frustrated or disappointed, nine times out of ten I can look back at decisions I’ve made and see that it’s because of a decision I made or didn’t make that has kept me there. And it’s really hard sometimes to say yes, because it’s going to push you. But every time I’ve done that I have looked back and I’ve surprised myself with what I’ve been able to do. And it’s given me so much more in life to keep moving forward to the next adventure. So I guess the other thing I’d say is when you’re when you’re faced with a decision and you’re thinking about it and ‘no’ is the safe answer…. maybe be curious and see what would happen if you actually said yes.’
Thanks Nat!
BIO
Natalie has been in variety of Human Resources roles for the past 21 years across multiple industries including professional services, financial services and telecommunications.
Natalie joined Telstra in 2013 and has led HR teams across multiple parts of the HR organisation including leading National and International business HR teams.
In January of 2018 Natalie was selected to lead part of Telstra’s transformation to fundamentally change the ways of working across the company with a goal to create a simplified organisation that was enabled to deliver higher quality products and services for customers. The ways of working transformation included leading the agile at scale transformation at Telstra.
Coaching vlog #10
The video has captions.
In this video I talk about the joy of watching my teams have breakthroughs, and also starting (kind of) my additional Chapter Lead responsibilities.
Bouldering!
I have a friend who recently described me as her ‘partner in crime’. And I can’t disagree. She is mainly the ideas person, I am almost always happy to give things a try. In some cases, such as our upcoming trip to Queenstown, NZ, we exchange adventures. In the Queenstown example I have agreed to go river surfing with her, and she will come on a bungee swing with me.
Bouldering was Cilla’s idea. Her sons had taken her and she thought I would like it. We put some of her sons chalk into a freezer bag and went along. Waivers were signed, shoes were hired and we went upstairs to the ‘bouldering’ section.
For those (like me 3 weeks ago) who are not familiar with bouldering you climb indoor walls like the image above, they are around 5 metres high, with no harness but large soft cushions below. The walls are covered in different climbs arranged by colour and numbered (mostly) as per difficulty. Difficulty ranges from 1 – 10 and most walls lean inwards with some having overhangs to get around. The idea is that you stick to a colour for that particular climb, though for beginners it is fine to mix and match.
On my first attempt I was very timid. I climbed a lot but didn’t go very high. And discovered two things: bouldering is fabulous fun, and bouldering is an amazing workout that sneaks up on you while you are having fun and challenging yourself! I could not lift my arms without great effort for a few days afterwards!
I never considered myself scared of heights, but apparently when I am the thing keeping me clinging to a wall that changes. Being even a few metres up I can freeze if I think too hard about where I am. As my arms get stronger, my confidence is growing. I think my confidence is what is stopping me more than my skill, but they will grow together.
I have now been 4 times, another friend has joined us (and her daughter wants to come too). I even went on my own. I can now get to the very top of the wall on a level 1, my goal for tomorrow night is to do that on multiple climbs.
I have a second goal too: after watching my niece and nephew on the automatic ropes I want to try that! So Tuesday will see me putting on a harness and climbing much higher for the joy of ‘floating’ back down afterwards. I will let you know how that feels 🙂
Fiona’s coaching vlog #9
This vlog includes my thoughts on how I feel about coaching 4 months in, some tactics with my teams and a confession – am I an agile purist?
Proud to be me!
Words by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Ali
Ali and I ‘met’ via a Facebook group for Chooks SA. When I reached out to ask for people to share their stories Ali stepped up right away!
This example of Ali stepping out of her comfort zone was when she began doing Facebook Live video streams. She did it because “I was told I had to, to grow my business! And… more importantly, because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.’’
Ali was surprised to find that doing the livestreams helped with her anxiety! ‘’It’s still a work in progress and I’m getting better at them all the time. I’m honestly still quite nervous when I do them but every time, it gets a little less scary. It also helps with my anxiety believe it or not. Each time I do it, it’s like another step forward in the recovery process.’’
I asked Ali how this all made her feel ‘’I always get so nervous beforehand that I feel I need to be overprepared. I practice, pre-record myself, make copious notes just in case I forget what I want to say. I primp, preen and make sure I look my best.
‘’During the live, there are so many things going on in my mind that sometimes it’s hard to think. I feel like I stumble, I look stupid, I’m thinking “is anything I’m even saying making sense?” I get ‘afraid’ that someone will actually log in and watch it live while I’m on! How ironic is that?! It’s a Facebook LIVE!
“Afterwards, I’m always so relieved it’s over and I watch the replay immediately to see how it went. It’s amazing that each and EVERY time, I always do a much better job than expected. It gives me confidence and fills me with excitement to try again next time.’’
As always, I asked Ali for any advice and last words:
‘’Look it’s scary at first simply because you don’t know what to expect. We build up so many expectations in our own minds of what COULD happen, but in fact, we don’t know until we are brave enough to give it a go.
‘’I have learnt that stepping out of your comfort zone means making mistakes, but more importantly – it is a learning experience. It helps you grow stronger, more confident in yourself ready for when the next time comes around.
‘’Once you take that plunge – you are filled with a sense of pride that is indescribable. My advice, in the words of NIKE…….Just Do It!
‘’I know this sounds cliché, but if there is something you know you need to do but it involves stepping out of your comfort zone – the absolute best thing you can do is just go for it. Sure, you may fumble a bit but we’ve all been there and everyone has to start somewhere. Nobody is perfect and it will feel absolutely amazing when you do.”
Thank you Ali!
A bit about Ali
I am an Empowerment & Success Coach AKA The Motivation Mumma. I help fellow abuse survivors to rediscover their empowered voice, become unapologetically confident, powerhouse women & mothers- because that is who we are!
I have had 3 separate abusive relationships myself and am proud that I no longer say, “Poor me.” I now say, “I AM PROUD TO BE ME!” I made it through. And I want this for my fellow survivors too. It is my absolute passion to help these ladies feel as amazing as I do.
Curvy Style
Words by me (Fiona)
I have had mixed results with stylists. For many years I have envied those with a definitive style – be it retro or Goth or anything at all really! My style has tended to be comfortable clothes that ‘flatter’ me. Mainly jeans!
My first styling session was with a woman who was able to help me find flattering clothes. I purchased 5 tops with her in a 1 hour session in Myer. Sadly I was so excited by the fact that the tops looked good on me that I forgot to decide if I actually liked them! I returned 4 of the tops the next day.
Many years later I met a lovely stylist at a 2 day course about presence, influence and finding your voice. She said wonderful things about me and how to dress to better flatter my shape. I set up a session with her about 6 months later. We did a full wardrobe review and then a shopping session to fill specific gaps in my collection. I had a wonderful time and added a lot to my wardrobe. But diets were mentioned more than once. And the shops we went into I was wearing the biggest size they had. I had great clothes, but I didn’t feel wonderful. I also had a new set of ‘rules’ to follow when I dressed. No white shirts (too much white across my body to be flattering), for example.
Fast forward to 2019, and at the SheEO summit I met Blaise from Hear us Roar. HuR is an online clothing store featuring plus size designers. My heart sang, and then sank. I am terrible at online clothes shopping. Most plus size models are tall, and I am at the shorter end of average height. Things rarely looked the same on me! Then Blaise gave me a ray of hope… they were looking at doing a pop up styling shop in Melbourne!!
I think I only asked once (maybe twice?) if they were still planning the pop up store… and I was reassured it was still a possibility.
My excitement when I saw the dates on Instagram was enormous! I immediately asked to be signed up.
Finally the day arrived, I was filled with anticipation, mixed with dread… what if I didn’t like anything? What if it didn’t look good on me? What if the stylist and I had different taste?
And, just imagine, what if I loved what they showed me.
I set two budgets – sensible and stretch.
The hour of trying on clothes with Karina was joyous. Not only were there clothes I liked, and liked on me, there were so many that I was able to be picky! Not once were the words flattering or minimising used. I was not dressing to look smaller; I was dressing the look (and feel) fabulous.
The end of an hour saw me sorting my haul into 3 categories: definitely, maybe and sadly no. Karina priced the definitely pile while I wandered, ate cheese, drank wine and looked again at the maybe pile. Feeling like a million dollars. Which was definitely not my budget!
The good news came back – I was within my stretch budget (just!). The bad news was I had decided there were two items on the maybe pile I could not live without… I may have stretched my stretch budget a tiny bit… but what price can you put on feeling stylish, and not small in any way?