Author: Fiona Tibballs

My name is Fiona Tibballs and I am passionate about the benefits of leaving your comfort zone. I do it myself as often as possible. I am so grateful for the opportunity to share stories about courage on my blog.

Encouragement can lead to amazing outcomes

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Photo by Jamie Fenn on Unsplash
Words by me (Fiona) based on a story shared by Yasmin

I first saw Yasmin as she and 4 other fabulous women walked in unison to the stage at the SheEO summit to acknowledge their success as the inaugural Australian SheEO Venture cohort. Women across Australia generously gave money to create the base of a perpetual fund and then voted on which women led Australian businesses were most deserving of this years’ interest free loans. Yasmin, and her company – Worlds Biggest Garage Sale – was one of the amazing women who were successful. The criteria included making a positive difference in the world, which World’s Biggest Garage Sale certainly does.  

Yasmin’s most recent experience of stepping out of her comfort zone was with regards to applying to be a SheEO Venture. 

“I wasn’t going to apply, predominately because as an Activator, I felt that I had already been able to get involved in a network globally shaping change. I was encouraged by someone close to me to apply, which I did with some hesitation.  I felt like we had a scalable and investable company, however a small part of me had some form of imposter syndrome emerging.  I wasn’t sure what it all meant at the time, but I pushed through and ignored the voice inside my head, instead, listening to my heart and gut, both of which were telling me to push through and apply.” 

I love that Yasmin listened to her heart and applied as a Venture. She did have some hesitations though: “I was weary getting into a ‘female only’ thing, I have always pulled away from this kind of group.  Having never really subscribed to men/women only movements, it was uncomfortable at the start to align myself to a ‘single sex’ initiative.” 

Despite the reservations, Yasmin moved forward with her application: “I did it to step out of my comfort zone, because that’s where the magic happens after all.  Since doing so, I have grown significantly……not because of any single one person, but because of the collective strength of a team of people passionate about real change in the world.  It’s quite humbling to know that I am a small part of something really big!” 

“Other than the honour of becoming one of the Australian Ventures (which is amazing and we’re incredibly grateful for the support from the Australian SheEO Activators!!), the outcome was also some deep personal growth in the realisation that there are many women out there doing exceptional work, which is often understated. I am also thrilled to have spent a few days with the 4 other Ventures, finding myself connecting to 4 strong women, each building a scalable and sustainable business that’s changing the world.  These new friendships will go beyond the SheEO movement, which was the most surprising and wonderful bonus of all.” 

When I asked Yasmin how she felt about stepping out of her comfort zone this way, she had some really positive outcomes. “I felt awkward to begin with, but it quickly transformed into a deep sense of connection, which ignited something inside that really moved me.  I felt connected to a new ‘tribe’ of people who were going to help beyond the basics.  It was a feeling that I’ve not experienced, where I can equally contribute generously, where giving and receiving of time, experience and even love was encouraged and embraced. It unlocked something inside that has me doing things that I might not have otherwise done had it not been for this.” 

And Yasmin’s advice for anyone considering stepping out of their comfort zone? “My advice is simple! When you step outside of your comfort zone, and I mean really take a giant leap outside of it… it is here that you will find what you have been searching for.  I have always dabbled in out of the comfort zone experiences, and I have never ever regretted it.  This experience was a big leap, and I’m glad I took it.  

If something inside of you feels right, but you’re worried about how others might perceive it, or whether you will yourself enjoy taking that new road, I say DO IT.  You know inside of your soul what feels right, so any last words from me here will simply have you nodding along knowing what you need to do.  So what’s stopping you?  GO!!!!” 

Thank you Yasmin! 

About Yasmin: 

I’m the girl that sat in the front row in class, a firstborn child with energy to burn, having worn many hats throughout my career including: sales, business development, manager/leader, project management, training & admin, HR, customer experience, intrepreneur and most recently an entrepreneur.  

Best summed up as a multipotentialite!  

My WHY? is simple!! To make a difference and create meaningful impact daily. 

Sage Advice

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Image by me (Fiona)
Words by me (Fiona) based on a story generously shared by Joanna

I interviewed Joanna on a cloudy Thursday morning in Melbourne – but in Bend, Oregon where she resides it was a sunny Wednesday afternoon!  I was really privileged to hear Joanna’s story – not just because she reached out to me from the USA – because she shared what she learned from her experience of stepping out of her comfort zone. 

Joanna found herself a successful lawyer on the track toward partnership, living in a wonderful place. “I was a top young antitrust associate in terms of popularity and the go-to person. I was in Silicon Valley. I was literally walking down pretty streets and basking in the wonderful weather down there.” But despite of that and, for a variety of reasons, “I wanted to leave and do something different.” 

Initially Joanna went to grad school and ended up being an urban/environmental planner. “This new career was so at odds with what I had to bring to the table. I ended up jumping back into the law.  I worked in a certain area of law that exposed me to regulations around safer consumer products.” 

Joanna was inspired to start a software company around those regulations as a result. Due to a number of reasons, her start-up struggled and over a number of years it slowly wound down. “I was building a compliance tool and relying on regulations that had already been passed and I never anticipated that they would politically collapse and implode on themselves; as a result, I had to reinvent our compliance tool as a sustainability tool. And at some point we just ran out of steam as a team to keep pushing forward.” 

Joanna went through some really difficult times. “Some bad news would hit just I was scheduled to go present to a big audience and I was just feeling as if physically my body was turning to ice or stone.  At the time, I did not know how to deal with that.” 

Out of the experience Joanna had some really great insights. She discovered she was most interested in the customer discovery aspects of entrepreneurship “in terms of understanding your customer and using customer insights to inform the whole entrepreneurial process including your products, your marketing content, and your business strategy. And so I started focusing on that. And through that process, I started to really understand that my techniques of customer discovery were the key.” 

Her learning was not limited to developing her own customer discovery techniques, Joanna also took time to really look at her mindset: “I was really unpacking what was going on with me emotionally. I mean, there were so many layers of shame going on. There I was, coming from this successful law background, and in my view I had failed. And failure is always relative, always subjective. There are people who have made millions who consider themselves failures and kind of disappear in a hole. So it’s very subjective. And I also started to figure out that so much of what I was capable of doing at any given moment was very much driven by my emotional body. What I have packed in, what I had learned to internalize, what I assumed about myself and the world. Over time, it almost became like this revelation about having the right mindset.  If you’re an entrepreneur, you really have to have this entrepreneurial mindset that allows you to tap into what’s going on with yourself, what fears you have any in any given time. And rather than do what we all do (which is to shove that emotion away as quickly as possible), it’s actually [important] to steep in it on a very physical level. Physically feel the churning in your stomach, the burning around your heart, etc. And so that’s been a big part of what I’ve been focusing on and sharing with other entrepreneurs to help them become successful.” 

Joanna believes that flexibility is the key, and that the most successful people in school and as employees are often the ones who find it hardest to cope with failure as entrepreneurs. They are not emotionally prepared. Joanna herself thinks that she should have let herself feel the anguish she was experiencing as she pivoted her start-up, instead of bottling it up. Hiding from the feelings let the problems drag on. 

And what has Joanna done with all this amazing experience and insight? “I started a consulting firm—DESi Potential (desipotential.com)–to help emerging companies and innovators gain market traction, do the customer discovery, and figure out what’s going on with their mindset. Some of the startups I work with are much more advanced; many have been around for three years, five years, even 10 years, but they’re still sorting stuff out. And that’s what I help people with – sorting that stuff out in terms of the product and the customer in their market fit. Using what I learned, my own experience to help [them] avoid the same pitfalls. After my personal experience, I can really see it in people’s faces and behavior when they are struggling in certain areas. You can totally relate because you’ve seen it in yourself and your peers. And then once you see it in yourself, you see it in a whole bunch of people.” 

For other people thinking about stepping out of their comfort zone, Joanna had an interesting point of view. She thinks that “entrepreneurs and innovators tend to be more comfortable with risk and with new stuff; however, society in general tends to be more risk averse and more ingrained in their habits. It is important to understand these differences and how they play out when you’re talking to prospective customers.  This means really understanding their lives, their motivations, their habits, and where things are risky and uncomfortable for them.  And I think that a lot of entrepreneurs don’t have a sense of that because they’re more willing to try new things while the majority of society is not.” 

And a last piece of excellent advice:  

“Be proactive before you invest your energy, your time, your resources, whatever it is. Go out and validate and ask questions. We have this view of overnight millionaires, as if entrepreneurship and risk-taking are like playing Russian Roulette or the lotto. They are not. The majority of risk taking is not about taking blind risks. You need to lower the risk for yourself. And turn your efforts into a much more organic growth process by going out and asking questions to validate your assumptions. And a lot of times we are hesitant to do that. We just kind of assume things instead.  We are hesitant to ask other people about things because we are afraid of looking like we don’t know. And sometimes we don’t ask because we don’t want to really hear the answer or are scared to hear the answer. But you have to do these things even if they scare you. Not for the purpose of sticking your head out. But for the purpose of getting the information you need to make a decision about what is the next right thing for you to do.” 

Very wise advice!  Thank you Joanna. 

Joanna Malaczynski founded DESi Potential, a consulting firm that helps innovative and emerging companies gain market traction.  Her work focuses on helping her clients understand their customer and develop an entrepreneurial mindset.  She brings 15 years of experience in analytical and creative thinking techniques to her work, drawing upon her background in entrepreneurship, economics, law, planning, sustainability and design.  Learn more at www.desipotential.com. 

Sydney Skinny!

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Photo by Helmuts Rudzitis on Unsplash
Words by me (Fiona Whitehead) based on my own experience

A few weeks ago I took a big step out of my comfort zone!  

I did a group charity skinny dip. 

My body is generous. And my self-consciousness about this is often very high. After 30 + years of trying to diet my body into what society finds acceptable I discovered HAES. And I realised that maybe I should accept that I am not one of the 5% for whom diets are successful. That maybe it was time to stop trying to make my body a certain shape and size and instead focus on my health and fitness. That takes a lot of effort. Accepting my body as it is was one of the first steps, and it is taking me years. Stopping weighing myself was a lot easier, mostly. There are times when I have to provide my weight (such as for gliding) and despite my best self talk that can set me back into wanting to give dieting ‘one last try’. 

During this process I watched Taryn Brumfitt’s documentary “embrace”. And also skinny dipped with a dear friend for my very first time. And found myself intrigued by the idea of the Sydney Skinny. It is a skinny dip in Sydney that raises money for The Charlie Teo Foundation. You sign up for a ‘wave’ of people, in my case the women only wave, and at the allocated time you walk down to the beach, strip off and swim!  

Before the swim I was quite nervous. I had flown up to Sydney on my own, and was not even sure I could swim 300m in the ocean! Strangely the nakedness was not a part of my fear. 

It was a wet and cold Sydney Sunday in March when the event happened. In the waiting area above the beach everyone was crowded under a marquee, the only dryish place available. I ended up sharing my table with a group of fabulous women who were in my wave. Once they discovered I was on my own they ‘adopted’ me into their group. And so ended my fear of being alone! 

As the earlier waves started coming back up from the beach (wrapped in wet sarongs) they were talking about the shortening of the course due to the bad weather (it was not until later that I learned that was due to increased shark activity!). Fear number 2 was reducing now too. 

When our wave was called we headed out into the rain to start the 15 minute walk to the water. It was raining so hard I was wet through to my underwear by the time we reached the beach! 

We stripped off and placed our clothes on a convenient rock wall, about 20 metres from the water’s edge, turned and walked down to the starting point.  

There was so much laughter and joy.  

Such freedom.  

With many giggles and splashes we started our swim. More like 150m than 300 later I was done! It went so fast. I did slow down towards the end and just savoured the moment.  

A wet (due to the rain!) sarong was given to each of us as we exited and after some amusing photoshoots we made our way back to the top of the hill.  

It was as I was getting changed back into some dry clothes that I realised that I had not thought about my body size or shape at all during the event.  

Not been self-conscious.  

Not felt ‘different’. 

I think, though it is hard to be sure, that my body confidence has improved since then. There is something about being part of so much joy that makes the way your body looks feel less important. What you do with it takes precedence. Today I think I will do a little strutting with mine. Clothed of course. 

Closing Your Eyes and Jumping

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Photo by Jordan Donaldson | @jordi.d on Unsplash
Words by me (Fiona Whitehead) based on a story shared by Lisa

I do love it when someone shares more than one story with me!  Welcome back Lisa. 

Lisa told me about moving from home (and familiarity) to Australia (a country she had never even visited!). 

“Nearly 7 years ago, we packed up our family and moved to a country we had never even visited – Australia!  I had travelled many times overseas but never here – my husband and daughters had never even travelled internationally before.” 

And why would Lisa and her family take such a huge leap?  “We knew that living in our country of birth was becoming untenable and that we had to seek an opportunity to give our daughters a better life.  We knew that it would take every last cent that we had to re-establish ourselves in a new country and it was like starting all over again.” 

It wasn’t all smooth sailing with the initial plan falling through “After a great deal of investigation and work, we managed to travel here on a 457 visa through my husband being sponsored to work here.   We were originally going to Perth, and after that offer fell through, we made a last attempt to leave.  I always say that Melbourne chose us – we didn’t choose it.  When the offer came through we grabbed it.  We closed our eyes and jumped!” 

It was a tough decision for many reasons, “We were leaving behind many family members, long standing and deep friendships, very well-established and successful careers and uprooting our daughter in the middle of a school year and fairly close to the completion of her schooling journey.  We didn’t know whether financially we would make it as the exchange rate was 10/1, so we could just see our savings disappearing so quickly.” 

Even once in Melbourne there were doubts, but one special conversation laid those fears to rest: “I questioned very deeply what we had done – I missed my home, my family and friends.  The verification that we had done the right thing was when one day, on an adventure out, my daughter and I were walking through the beautiful botanical gardens.  She said to me “You know what’s so nice, Mum?”  I asked her what – she replied “That we can just walk together like this and enjoy the beauty instead of worrying about whether someone is going to jump out from behind the bush and attack us.”  It shocked me to the core – that any child would have to grow up with thoughts like that…..and in that same moment, I felt a great sense of peace knowing that we had made the right decision.” 

Would Lisa step out of her comfort zone again?  “Yes – it’s an adventure after all.  New places to see, new people to meet – I do love Melbourne and the life we’ve created here.  I think if there was a great opportunity for us to experience something different, yes I would.  The caveat to that is that I would always want to return home……to Melbourne.  And we have been extremely blessed that our new country has embraced us and allowed us to become citizens.  As a very dear friend said to me “Roots in Africa….thriving in Australia” – you can truly thrive anywhere you plant yourself if you have a positive attitude. 

“You learn about yourself – the good the bad and the ugly!  You realise that the baggage you have you take with you…..you can’t just leave it behind and pretend that it never happened….it’s part of you and you have the power to re-invent yourself over and over again.  You meet new wonderful people and create awesome memories.  You also may need to give yourself the time and the space to mourn what you’ve left behind, be grateful that you’ve experienced what you have and be positive about what new things you’re learning.” 

Thank you Lisa! 

About Lisa: 

Started as a leadership business partner on the transformation journey and ended up running the entire program.
Have worked in manufacturing, financial, consulting and telco industries for the past 25 years.
Seeing people learn and grow through their journey is absolute fuel for me.
I have been privileged to work with leaders from all walks of life and continue to be surprised and delighted 

That is where the gold is!

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Picture and words by me (Fiona Whitehead) based on an interview with Nolle

When Nolle was 19 when she moved to London, and at 23 she moved from Dublin, Ireland to Melbourne, Australia. 

She emigrated permanently with no family in Australia. 

Yep, that is sure to be well outside of a comfort zone! 

Why would she do that? “Because back then in Dublin there was very high unemployment. And it was hard to get work. There were no real opportunities and I just wanted more from life.” 

And once Nolle arrived?  “Well I was very, very homesick. I had really bad migraines. I used to cry every night with a picture of my family under my pillow. And I didn’t have any family here. I think I had a couple hundred dollars, a suitcase, and a boyfriend (he didn’t last long after I got here).” 

“And I remember thinking, what have I done. When I was in London, and I applied for a visa, I applied for a one year working holiday visa, and they sent me permanent residency. I thought they sent me the wrong papers. but I might as well apply because I can come home after a year anyway. And the year went by like that! I came home from my first visit, and I realized the grass was so much greener in Australia, so many opportunities.  

“It was great to see my family again. But I had planted the seed to definitely come back [to Australia] and I came back, and the rest is history.” 

Nolle’s next check in point was when she had children – she always planned to take them back to Ireland so she and they had family support. But once she had her children, she decided that even though things in Ireland had improved, the life she could offer them in Australia was a better one. 

“They [Nolle’s children] have a great life here. They don’t realize how lucky they are and then I feel lucky, because I know what it’s like not to have much. I couldn’t think of any more of a stretch than going from having no children to children.  Apart from apart from having my kid,s emigrating to Australia is the best thing that ever happened to me.” 

On Nolle’s first visit back to Ireland she spoke to her Mum “I said to my Mam, ‘you know, everybody, seems different’. She said ‘no, you’re the only one that’s different. They’re all the same. They’re doing the same thing day in, day out but your world is a much bigger place now, you have experienced so much more.  This made it hard for Nolle to fit back in. She also loves the much healthier and more outdoorsy lifestyle here in Australia. 

 And would Nolle step out of her comfort zone again? “Absolutely!  Because that is where the gold is. 

‘’So, when we look back at anything that’s happened to you in your life, that stretch is where you get the most reward. And even though you might have to go through difficult times to get there, that was all part of your journey. Part of your learning and you have to push yourself. You have to take that leap of faith, you have to take that risk, you have to take that stretch. 

“And this is what I tell my children. Don’t take the easy road because it seems like you might get there faster, it all about the journey” 

“Because your automatic reaction as a human being I believe is, is not to go outside your comfort zone it’s to protect yourself. Safety, mitigate against any risk. But then to actually to put yourself out there. That’s where the gold is.” 

And as always, the last word goes to my interviewee. 

“Just do it. Because ask yourself what’s the worst thing that can happen, and if you can live through the worst thing that can happen, then just do it. Why would you not? Life just goes too fast, way too fast. No regrets. I’ll use my grandmother’s saying, it’s ‘What’s for you won’t will pass you by’. 

“’What’s for you won’t pass you by’ really means that you take that leap of faith, you stretch yourself outside your comfort zone, and if it’s meant to be for you it’ll be for you and if it’s not at least you’ve had a go.  

Thanks again Nolle. 

A bit about Nolle:  
Currently working as a Business Partner Principal in the Transformation Delivery Office at Telstra. 
Background:  
Having worked in IT & Business roles spanning over 2 decades in Australia in various different sectors including Health, Media, Technology & Telecommunications  
Working primarily in the project and program space, moving into leadership and management roles and over the last few years into partnership and engagement roles  
Moving to Australia at 23, married with 5 children (blended family) loving life and all that it brings 

An 8000 metre mountain!

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Photos are from Jeannette
Story by me (Fiona Whitehead) based on Jeanette’s story

I quite literally got goose bumps hearing Jeannette’s story. 

The title of this blog may have given away the amazing achievement, but the journey is fabulous too. 

We start with when Jeanette was heading to university, in South Africa, at a time when “I’m going to go to university to find husband” was perfectly acceptable. Not for Jeannette. She got herself a Bachelor of Science (and subsequently completed 4 more degrees!). 

She received a scholarship at University which meant she then headed to the mines to work when she completed her Geology degree. After growing up in a coastal town she moved to the deep level gold mines, a step out of her comfort zone on so many levels! Some of the mines were 4km below the surface. Jeannette was often the first technical woman in the mines, and management had not even told the workers that a woman was joining them! 

“Unfortunately, it’s culturally insensitive in that geography to have women in your workplace. So by the time I’d finished my first shift on the mine, everybody had left. So I effectively created industrial action, they had a strike on the very first day of my job. So to step out of my comfort zone to do this job and then realize that I had impacted everybody in such a way has meant that probably from that grounding in my career, [I learned] to feel comfortable around change, but also realize what impact different change elements can have.” 

Jeannette has since then firmly established her presence within the global mining industry. 

From the deep earth, Jeannette has another passion – high altitude mountaineering. 

Jeanette had one of those moments where she realised her life had become sedentary and she decided to get moving. With her previous mountaineering experience, rather than start jogging or going to the gym, she decided to climb an 8000 metre high mountain! 

The preparation can be equated to preparing for an Olympic Games.  

There are fourteen 8000m mountains in the world, the most recognisable being Mt Everest. 

“All of them go into the death zone. All of them involve using oxygen. All of them involve going through an ice fall. So all the quintessential things that you see in the newspaper around Everest, you have to tackle on any of the 8000 metre mountains. So for a weekend warrior, and a corporate desk jockey like myself, of those fourteen 8000 metre mountains about five of them are realistic for somebody who has a full time job and running a P&L for Telstra. So I picked one of those mountains (it wasn’t Everest for variety of reasons). But yeah, I picked my 8000 meter mountain and I went to Manaslu in 2015 to climb it. 

“Unfortunately, however, one of our Sherpas fell into a crevasse and was injured. Our oxygen was stuck on the high side of it.  And an avalanche just missed my tent. So there was a lot of danger on the mountain that season and I did not successfully climb the Manaslu. So I came back down the mountain.” 

And then “I was offered the job at Telstra, I relocated internationally, I came to Australia. I got sucked into the world of running Telstra Mining Services.” 

But that is not the end. “After working without any leave for 18 months, I actually got asked, what do you do for balance in your life? And I said, well, I have no balance because I’m focusing on running Telstra Mining Services. So yeah, it was encouraged that I go and do my hobby.” 

Jeannette explained that her training was not really confined to weekends, but she was able to be flexible with work to enable her to meet her obligations and get back into training again. 

And 5 years after setting her original goal, Jeannette reached the summit! 

“In September of last year I got to a point where after five years of trying and five years of training and five years of balancing work and jobs and everything I left base camp for my summit push on the 8000 meter mountain. It takes five days. Everything from five years was now distilled down to the next five days.  So on the 28th of September I got up from my tent at 1.30 in the morning, put on the oxygen, all of that, and left base camp.  I walked for five hours during the night and got to the full summit (and then stood in line unfortunately). 

“At nine o’clock on the 28th of September, I became the very first South African woman ever to climb this 8000 meter mountain.  

“The opportunity to look at the world from that elevation and just reflect on how standing there was so far out of my comfort zone. Because, you know, physically it’s in the death zone, you’re on oxygen, the impact that breathing oxygen is having on your body, your brain cells are dying every minute at that altitude. So all of its physically out of one’s comfort zone, but also mentally, the fact that I went from being in a sedentary space to achieving this physical accomplishment, but also stepping out of my comfort zone in terms of standing up for myself and my interest from a work impact perspective.” 

Not surprisingly “Now that I reflect on it, when it’s not five months ago that I did this, if I allow myself to think about it, I do still have a huge amount of pride in myself.” 

Advice for others stepping out of their comfort zone from Jeannette considers breaking goals down into doable pieces.  

“Doing your homework, going online googling, finding a company, finding a friend that will do it with you. It’s really about breaking down something that will push you out of your comfort zone into manageable chunks, and you don’t have to do it the very next day. You can do it at a pace which is going to be comfortable to yourself but nevertheless give yourself a deadline. You know, by the end of the summer I’m going to have been in a sea kayak down the Yarra.” 

“It’s always exciting to be able to be bold and brave and find things that are going to take you out of your comfort zone because only by stretching one’s comfort zone that’s a personal growth occurs and but achieving personal growth you can actually be a better person for your family or friends and ultimately yourself.” 

Thank you Jeannette for sharing your amazing story. 

About Jeannette:

As one of the Global 100 Inspirational Women in Mining (WiMUK) Jeannette is a proven leader with an excellent understanding of the entire mining value chain. Experience obtained both on underground and surface mines, encompasses large and small-scale exploration and production in a variety of commodities and geographies. She has been leading technology programs for Tier 1 producers and is a recognized thought leader on technology disruption for the mining sector. She is currently responsible for Telstra’s critical communications portfolio and associated P&L providing mine site connectivity in private LTE through Telstra Mining Services.

Furthermore through her mountaineering and mining achievements she spends time with local communities in Nepal and Tanzania and is keen to support technology deployments to enhance community development.

Coming out of your shell

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Photo by Mohamed Maail on Unsplash
Words by Fiona Whitehead based on an interview with Anju

Anju described to me her experience of her protective ‘shell’ actually locking her in as much as it locked others out. I think this is something many people can relate to, and I am pleased to be able to share her experience. 

Anju starts by sharing what happened when she allowed someone in “If I was to be in my comfort zone, lazy, coy or suspicious that day, I would have lost on an immensely delightful tete-a-tete. We just chitchatted for hours, talking about books, ideas, randomness and life. There was absolutely no agenda and yet imprinted a mark in my retention as well.”  

“Unfortunately, most of the time we’re haunted by inexplicable complexes and don’t give ourselves permission to fail.”  

Anju talks to people often, but fear can stop her allowing people to get close. “I network a lot, always out there bonding with strangers, driving for what I believe. But even I had my complexes, being an Indian woman I’ve been trained so well that if someone is being pleasant or nice randomly, there HAS to be a hidden whoopla. No-one can be nice to you for the sake of humanity or pleasantness. No! Life can’t be so simple, Come-on! Let’s complicate it and dig into the hidden agenda. If there’s none- create one in your own imagination.” 

What brought Anju out of her defensive shell? 

“Being in your own comfort zone is good but coming out of it open new opportunities.  Carelessness can hurt but not trusting hurts a lot more. I would rather take a few odds and get hurt sometimes rather than missing out on so many curious encounters in the fear of going wrong. Sometimes, the most unexpected conversations and people can bring a brand new feeling of joy into your life 

“This fear of everyone being a Romeo around is strong enough to deprive most people from having a good time. I know in my experience that my smile has been taken as a tinder right swipe. But I anyway don’t deprive myself of that 1% happy experience by some may be bad experience. I was never comfortable trusting strangers, I had an invisible boundary ‘laxman rekha’ around me and my white blood cells would just reject every advancing object. Trust me it has taken me nowhere.” 

I always ask what advice people have for others considering stepping out of their comfort zone, and Anju had wise words to share. “My advice to the readers is when you have nothing to take-away from a conversation, no-one to judge you for what you said and no clue of what you are talking about- what you get is flashes of peace and thoughts to carry for times to come. It makes you confident in some ways too. I can’t pick a motive and say why, but it gives some sense of security. Maybe, the surprise that there’s so much more to explore.  

“Next time, maybe you could just give yourself permission to fail and go with the flow and engage with a person for the joy of their company. Irrespective of their age, sex and social status. Let the intent be pure indulgence- in the moment-in a conversation-for the joy of exploring someone’s world through a magical journey of words-making the rendezvous truly memorable” 

Thank you Anju. 

A bit about Anju:

I’m from India and moved to Australia 3 years back. I have worked with traditional Telco, Marketing and now with Telstra security consulting.  

I’m a diversity champion and also a cohort of BCTW (Brilliant connected Technical women). I’m associated with STEM – PTech programs with schools, encouraging young talent to be in Technology.  

I love sketching, painting, socialising. Be it life, clothes or a power point presentation- I love adding some colours. When not working I’m a voice over artist and emcee as well. 

From summit to singing bowl

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Photo by Eneko Uruñuela on Unsplash
Words by Fiona Whitehead

What an amazing week I have had, with parts a long way out of my comfort zone, but mostly surrounded by amazing women!

I will focus on the parts that were out of my comfort zone – after all that is the theme of the blog – but please be aware that the majority of the week was like a snuggly, warm hug.

A little out of my comfort zone was attending the SheEO Australia Summit in Sydney on Monday.  A room full of women all with a common set of goals (#radicalgenerosity along with creating companies and products that improve the world we live in) is never going to be uncomfortable, but for me spending 10 hours with people I don’t know is not something I usually seek out. In this case I am so glad I did!

A little further from my comfort zone was putting up my hand during the #ask session to request more people to share their stories with me for this blog.  I can’t wait to share the results with you all, but asking was hard! I felt embarrassed and awkward, but got a great response so it was worth it!

On Tuesday I drove nearly 1000km from Sydney to visit a friend on the NSW north coast. Not really uncomfortable, just different. I find driving long distances on my own weirdly zen.

Fast forward to Friday and I was at a yoga retreat, something I did the same time last year, and did not think that I would find myself out of my comfort zone at all… next time I should read the schedule more carefully!

Some background for you – I struggle a lot with rhythm and tone. Someone once tried to teach me the drums when I was young and kept telling me to hit the drum with the beat of the song playing… I thought I was! A 6-year-old gave up on me playing guitar hero with her after trying me on all instruments and me failing entirely to stay on beat. Someone once asked if I was singing along to the same song they could hear playing in the car – my version sounded so different. Anyway, you get the context.

On Friday afternoon I joined my very first positive music circle (think drum circle but with more instruments)! When asked my goal for the session I just wanted to be more accepting of my lack of rhythm. I think trepidation is the best way to describe my initial feeling!

I started gently by picking an instrument I felt I could do little damage with – a frog with a ridged back and a stick to run along the ridges. And I found myself having fun! Even when we had to replace the instrument sound with a vocal version. I wandered around the room happily with my little frog. Even doing a fairly enthusiastic ‘woo’ after each 5 beats. Then we sat down again and I found myself with a drum. And I decided just to go for it. We were repeatedly told that there were no wrong notes, which gave me a lot of comfort. I won’t say I was the core of the music we created, but I was definitely contributing! And more importantly having a fabulous time!

Then the really interesting instruments came out. I played a wha wha tube, a happy drum, and eventually a singing bowl. At this stage (the end of the session) everyone was just playing and adding to the music however they wished. The facilitator then began slowly stopping instruments one by one. Until there was just me with my singing bowl and some bells. Then it was just me. I was making music. On my own. Not hiding in a group.

I cried tears of joy as I finished off our session.

I may have to find myself a music circle.

A relatable fear – public speaking!

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Photo by Filippo Ruffini on Unsplash
Words by Fiona Whitehead based on an interview with another Fiona

Fiona shared with me a story of an experience many people dread – presenting to an audience. And I am going to start with her ‘last words’. “I was speaking candidly with one of our Telstra Directors recently, who is a woman I really admire and value her leadership qualities.  We were talking about speaking in public and even she admitted she gets nervous every time she speaks in front of people.  We spoke about how it makes us feel and how we can overcome the challenges to deliver the messages we are needing to deliver.  So goes to show – even our leaders feel the same as us.” 

I have a similar experience (as well as a similar name!) when several years ago a panel of speakers at an International Women’s Day event shared their shared fear of public speaking – one to the point of nausea! 

In Fiona’s example she had to present to both her senior leaders and the people ‘on the ground’ about the work she was doing. Fiona had many stakeholders wanting to know about her work, a project that continually changed direction, and operational teams who would not hold back on sharing feedback. “I think I was more nervous delivering to the operational teams than to senior leaders – because it’s the people on the ground who understand what needs to be done and will not let any stone unturned.” 

It was important to get this right as she had to ensure everyone involved was on board with the changes.  

As with many things, preparation was key “I had prepared well thinking of all the types of questions I might be asked but in the end I was asked very few. [It] went much better than I had played it out in my head.” 

I think Fiona’s feelings throughout this process are very relatable “Prior to the session I was nervous, plus I was last on the agenda so I had to wait for everyone else to present and talk about their streams which had generated a lot of discussion.  During the presentation I was not really thinking about how I was feeling – because I was talking about my work. Which I knew well so could articulate the information back to the stakeholders.  At the end I felt relief it was over.” 

“As hard as it was, I would definitely step outside my comfort zone again.  I don’t think it gets easier but the feeling you get after the fact (when it goes well) is like a high better than any drug can provide.” 

Fiona has fabulous advice for anyone considering stepping out of their comfort zone: 

“Take a leap of faith and give it go.  No one knows what you are feeling on the inside unless you let them see it.  No one gets stronger sitting still in the corner.” 

About Fiona: 

Background about why presenting my project was out of my comfort zone – was mostly because it’s an ever changing environment in the Digitisation world where the project goal posts are constantly on the move and nothing is stable.  So trying to develop a project to deliver within a really tight timeframe and communicate it without displaying any of the doubts and fears I have to delivering that project – is a challenge.  The senior leaders were mostly ok about the changing goal posts because they are often kept up to date with the changes as they happen, but the operational teams are not and these are the guys being impacted by the processes and instructions I deliver.  So there is a huge amount of pressure for our team to deliver this well. 

Out of my comfort zone

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Photo by Victorien Ameline on Unsplash
Words by Megan Taylor (Guest Blogger)

Today I have my first guest blogger! Below is a blog written for me by Megan Taylor – make sure you visit her blog for more of her great writing –
https://megantaylor.com.au/ 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Out of my comfort zone.

How am I supposed to define that, I wonder as I look around my kitchen. When almost everything in my world involves me stepping out of that soft place. Be it the microwave with its conspicuously silent touch pad, demanding I memorise its configuration, to the cluster of not dissimilar jars crowding the top shelf in the fridge or the rows of identically shaped tins in the pantry. I have casually drizzled Worcestershire sauce instead of golden syrup on my ice-cream more times than I care to remember, she says with a wry smile.

The fact is, this world is not geared toward someone like me. Someone who is blind or has low vision. This is a world that prizes its sight above all else, and continues to exercise its superiority over my sensory impairment in ever more innovative but often unnecessary ways. Therefore it is difficult to say where my comfort zone begins, because I am seldom within it.

I have a disability that forces my hand at most turns. Be it a simple walk to the café, which although I may have done a thousand times before, and should be able to walk that route without thought, there is no room for complacency. For what if there is a garbage bin, a car, some old furniture, a temporary road works sign, wayward A-frame or any other unknown obstacle in my path that wasn’t there yesterday. Let alone my reliance on the wait staff once I get there, to tell me what is on the specials board, or help me find an empty table. To something more substantial as finding a taxi, a service counter, a previously unknown destination. Let alone navigating a hostile digital environment whereby I have to negotiate and advocate for the basic right to information at almost every turn, or entering a room full of strangers at a networking event.

Okay, so I don’t know anyone who enjoys that last example, however my reasons are perhaps a little different than you expect. The stranger part is easy, given how often I encounter them. Be it to ask for directions, they trip over my white mobility cane because they are too busy looking at their phone, or they grab me at random intervals throughout my day. It is the low level humiliation of not knowing where the registration table is situated, the toilets, the chairs or most importantly the wine. It is not being able to make eye contact, return a smile, or know when someone has put their hand out for me to shake. It is the knowing I am being judged first and foremost on my disability, and what that means to them, based on some misconception or mythical idea and thus I am already at a disadvantage. It is people’s discomfort with my presence, let alone articulation, cleverness or capacity, because it doesn’t fit with their experience, and I haven’t even opened my mouth to say hello.

My comfort zone is so small, sometimes I can barely find it. For example, although tucked up in the corner of the lounge might seem like a fairly comfortable place, it is not, because that is where I go when the rest of the world is too much, and I’m not comfortable with that. I’m not comfortable with the too much of it all. I’m not comfortable with the overwhelm, the able-ism, the inequity the isolation or the anxiety and anger my disability affords. I’m not comfortable doing nothing, but nor am I comfortable when I am doing. Because the doing is always some sort of defense, justification, work around or want for something else. Sure, I find comfort in a good long hard run up a mountain, but I don’t find comfort in having to ask a girlfriend to take me, because otherwise I will be stuck on the treadmill forever. I am comfortable with a good cup of coffee, but I am not comfortable when the barista doesn’t hand it to me directly, and I am left fumbling across a counter, hoping I don’t knock that liquid gold over by accident. I am comfortable designing a park, writing a workshop, or giving a keynote presentation on a stage. But I am not comfortable with being seen as inspirational just for getting out of bed and putting on my hard hat or heels. I am comfortable in the hidden folds of motherhood, but I am not comfortable when people tell my three year old she should look after her mummy because they assume I cannot look after myself. The fact that these things are daily occurrences, doesn’t make them comfortable. All it does is make them normal. Because despite what we are sold regarding the nature of comfort, just because you are outside of its boundaries, it doesn’t mean you are extraordinary, accomplished or empowered. All it means is that you’re not comfortable.

Megan Taylor Bio: 

Megan has always pushed the envelope when it comes to equity and inclusion within her own life and the lives of others. Even as a child, she was not content to settle for less. Her first example of low vision wayfinding infrastructure was implemented at the age of ten. Megan’s interest and experience spans a broad spectrum of inclusive practices, places and spaces. She is just as comfortable creating policy in the boardroom as she is climbing equipment in a park. Her years of participating in the forefront of integration and inclusion of people with disability, along with her extensive behind the scenes work in research, education and the application of inclusive design principles across multiple mediums, environments and sectors, both public and private, give her a wealth of knowledge and lived experience to draw upon as a dynamic and provocative story teller. Now as a PhD candidate in the Faculty of Design, Architecture and Building, School of Built Environment at the University of Technology Sydney, she is putting her three decades of professional advocacy and experience across the socio-political and built environment sectors into an academic context.     https://megantaylor.com.au/