Author: Fiona Tibballs

My name is Fiona Tibballs and I am passionate about the benefits of leaving your comfort zone. I do it myself as often as possible. I am so grateful for the opportunity to share stories about courage on my blog.

Imposter Syndrome

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Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash
Words by Fiona Whitehead based on an interview with Mel

Mel shared with me her story about taking on a new and challenging role. 

She mentioned ‘Imposter Syndrome’ which is something a lot of people feel. I heard just this week about wearing an invisible cloak of confidence to get through this phase. An alternative to ‘fake it until you make it’. It is interesting to know just how common this feeling is. 

But back to Mel! 

Mel took on the role of “Launching and leading the WoW Ambassadors globally across Telstra” which “might have been a little out of my comfort zone at first, as it is such a large group and I wondered how I could lead such a large and diverse group while balancing their different needs.”  

I asked Mel why she took on a role that was out of her comfort zone: “Because I believe the WoW Ambassadors are critical to the success of how we embed our ways of working transformation at the grass roots level. I also love engaging people, inspiring them and helping them translate complex messages to enable change.”  

Mel also shared that she is a fellow adrenaline junkie “I’m all about the adrenalin rush of doing something new and testing yourself to see what you’re made of.” 

The interesting thing about doing things that are out of your comfort zone is how often you succeed and even decide to stretch yourself further! Mel has shared that “We now have a significant WoW Ambassador group across every Function and across the globe in Telstra, and at the time of submitting this blog I have plans to grow this network.” 

Part of that process is your changing feelings as you go through the process, these align to Nolle’s Valley of Despair. “Initially I was full of the imposter syndrome, then I was simply excited by seeing the results and growing the network. Now I am just so unbelievably invested, passionate and proud of this wonderful change network.” 

And you may have guessed Mel’s answer to ‘would you step out of your comfort zone again?’ by her responses so far, but just to confirm “Yep, for sure. You only live once and every time you extend yourself and live with the fear of the unknown, you build new skills, experiences, networks and your confidence grows exponentially.” 

And Mel’s last words? 

“In the words of a clever copywriter: ‘Just do it’” 

About Mel: 

WoW Engagement Manager, Transformation & People  
(also a WoW Ambassador)  

I help people unlock their stories and make authentic connections with big ideas. A skilled and highly experienced Communications Strategist, I have worked within many industries and organisations, developing and managing long-term communications and marketing programs as well as providing communications consultancy for mission critical projects for the past twenty years. In each case, my roles have focussed on developing clear channels of communication through periods of transition and transformation. 

If it is broken, fix it!

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Photo by Ruben Mishchuk on Unsplash
Words by Fiona Whitehead based on an interview with Justine

Sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone is fixing something that is not working even if you don’t (yet) have the skills to do so! 

Justine inherited one of those spreadsheets most people in big companies are familiar with. “Last year I was given a spreadsheet to look after and, knowing nothing about it, I blithely said ‘Sure’. I soon discovered that this spreadsheet was a small part of a manual process for a customer product ordering process – and that I had to track, via emails, who ordered what when, and which bits had been done by who, or hadn’t been done yet, or would be done soon by 8 different activation teams.” An increase in volumes meant that the very manual and time-consuming process was no longer good enough. “Knowing that this was only meant to be 5% of my time, I decided it needed a proper ticketing system. But hey, who am I to move a process part (with hundreds of stakeholders) across from personal work email to a new ticketing tool?” 

Well who Justine was ended up being the perfect person for the task! “I figured if I could lift this part of the process out of email then everyone would have clear visibility of exactly what was ordered when, and who was responsible, and what status that part of the order was at. Also, if I did the work myself it would be implemented faster, be tailored to exactly what was needed, easier to make iterative changes, and be the lowest cost.” 

Justine proceeded to get the access and knowledge she needed to get the job done. 

And the outcome? “Success! Only it’s better as everyone has visibility at any time. And there is no need to email 97 people about what the status is. Information is collected and displayed in a consistent way, in one location, and with a history. Others have told me that this way of doing things is much better.” 

Despite the emotional ups and downs (from nervous but determined to bloody-minded and finally quietly satisfied) Justine would certainly step out of her comfort zone again! “Because its madness to keep going when something just isn’t working – if you keep doing the same things the same way you’re going to get the same results. This big risk taught me a lot of technical skills and showed me how to work well with the human interfaces into automation.” 

And Justine’s advice for anyone planning a similar step? 

“It helps if you focus more on the thing you want to achieve rather than what people think of you. Putting personal nerves aside, and knowing that what I was doing would help others kept me going when I did not get support or was criticised. All advice after that is the usual:  Be ok with failing. Be ok with things taking longer and being harder than you expect. Enjoy the learning journey.  Know who your stakeholders are. Look for support from the decision maker stakeholders before you make changes.  But be prepared to just jump ahead when forgiveness is easier than permission when people may not have fully caught your vision yet.” 

And, of course Justine’s last words: 

“Although scary at first, courage to do what is better is what eventually brings others along with you. Going out of your comfort zone is a building block of leadership.” 

Justine’s BIO: 

Solutions Analyst, Product Engineering.
Where technology meets people, and imagination creates practical solutions. 

Sliding into a new career

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Photo by Jelleke Vanooteghem on Unsplash
Words by Fiona Whitehead

I have had a few career changes, but changing from the career you spent 4 years getting a degree in is a big step. Especially if you only qualified 3 years earlier! 

I loved Radiation Therapy. I really felt I was making a difference, and building a rapport with patients came naturally to me. Maybe too naturally. My ability to empathise was causing me to get quite upset about some patients’ situations or outcomes. The teenager who had just been accepted into the school of dance, who did not yet know that the treatment for her very curable brain tumour would mean she never danced at that elite level again. The young mum who held her teddy bear as we treated her for 3 weeks in the hope that she would respond and go back to her normal self. She didn’t. The nun who shared her story with a nervous patient suffering the same type of cancer. The children. Oh my, the children. Brave or scared, happy or upset. The children broke my heart. 

You may have realised from that little outpouring that I was not able to maintain the emotional distance that would give that career path longevity! 

But what next?  Psychology?  Or would I just get too involved with a different type of patient? IT maybe? But did I really want to go back and get another degree?  

Then fate stepped in. I moved to the UK and signed up with an agency that provided radiation therapists to London hospitals (I can’t recall the name of the agency – but my payslips had owls on them!). In my first meeting they were most apologetic – they had a job but it was not in a hospital. It was user acceptance testing radiation therapy software in a company outside of London. But it paid an extra 2 pounds per hour to cover the travel! I will be honest – I didn’t know software testing was even a thing people did. But I signed up. 16 pounds per hour was not to be sneezed at!

Turns out I loved software testing. The attention to detail, the fact that a dead computer did not cause me to cry, the people I worked with were great, and I worked in an office, without wearing a uniform! 

I stayed as a temp at this company for about 2 years. There was a brief stint in a London hospital between software releases, but working on the treatment machine that treated all the children just reinforced my need to change careers. I moved from UAT testing to system testing as my experience grew. And that is when the two developers I worked with started nagging. ‘Go contracting’ they’d say. ‘I have no qualifications’ I would argue. Back and forth for weeks. They upped the ante by leaving ‘IT contractor’ magazine open on my desk with testing jobs circled and the hourly rate highlighted. Often. And eventually I decided there was no harm in applying. The worst was they would not hire me and I would remain where I was.

So, I applied for 3 jobs. And had three job offers (thank you Y2K!). At double my temp hourly rate. 

In mid-1999 I began what ended up being a 15-year career as a contract tester/ test manager. 

Thank you, Toby and Greg! 

That is where the magic happens

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Words and photo by Fiona Whitehead
Words based on an interview with Victoria

Victoria steps out of her comfort zone a lot. Ranging from big things to small things. We chatted about some of her experiences. 

Seven and a half years ago she moved from the UK to Australia with her husband and their baby. “I guess it was a huge risk because we both had good jobs [and] we owned two homes in the UK, so we could quite easily have just stayed where we were. But we weren’t 100% happy with life and the lifestyle that we had.” 

Their attitude was “Just give it a go. Just try it. What’s the worst that can happen? You move back to the UK and it was hard.” 

Victoria is not a thrill seeker, or an adrenaline junkie, but she feels it is important to step out of her comfort zone in order to learn and grow. 

She also spoke to me about moving out of a role and company she loved, a place where she was very comfortable. “Then Kloud came along and talked about [all this] new technology … and the culture just sounded amazing. 

‘’I thought ‘well I’ve been doing my nice job for a while I could stay doing my nice job or I can take a risk and go through that whole setting yourself up again in a new company’ … I thought about it for maybe half a day and then I’m like ‘Yeah let’s do it, jump in.’” 

“Why did I jump in? Part of me was thinking about the future and future proofing. Technology is changing. And if you don’t change you get left behind. Yeah, I don’t want to do that. 

“Part of it was about changing. And part of it was about getting to try a new culture. Kloud, although being part of Telstra, it still has its own little micro culture, which is still very much like a start-up or a small new company. So, the to get the opportunity to be a part of that culture as well was enticing for me. Being able to use the experience that I gained elsewhere and bring that to Kloud … then develop it in a slightly different way, that was probably the reason why I did it. I just am a firm believer that we have to grow, we have to develop … otherwise you’re not growing you’re dying.” 

Victoria gets through her ‘out of the comfort zone’ feelings (which include feeling sick to the stomach!) with lots of self-coaching. “There’s a lot of reminding yourself what is the outcome that you want to achieve? Why am I doing this? What do I want to learn? Who do I want to meet [at monthly meetings which include networking]? You know that every time I do it, I do it for a reason. I don’t do it just for the thrill because I don’t look for the thrill. But I’ll do it to learn something.” 

Victoria doesn’t forget what she left behind when she stepped out of her comfort zone either “What I’ve also done is I’ve made a conscious effort to still stay in touch with people I used to work with, so I haven’t lost them. I think it’s good to not be too gung ho all the time, but also look back and appreciate the things that have taken you along the way, [things] that you’ve done along the way. Don’t take them for granted and just sort of stay in touch with people and stuff like that.” 

And Victoria’s last words? 

“Everything I do I do with an intent. I started a new business with the intention of building a better future for my family. I moved a country with the intention of making a better life for me and my family and move jobs with a view to improve my employment, and prospective future and to challenge myself … have a reason why you’re doing it and have faith in your ability to do it. 

“Always push yourself outside your comfort zone every day, because each time you do it’s like a muscle. Each time you put yourself outside your comfort zone, it gets a little easier and you grow a bit more and you learn a bit more. And you just develop as a human in all areas of your life. If you are scared, if you stay in the safe zone, nothing ever changes. 

Do it all the time, every day as much as you can get outside of your comfort zone. Because that is where the magic happens.” 

A bit about Victoria: 

Victoria is an experienced Service Delivery Manager with 20 years in the IT industry. Primarily, this experience is across the Financial Services industry however, Victoria has also supported clients within the Media, Oil and Legal sectors and understands the nuances between industries. 

The Perils of Boredom

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Photo by Cristina Gottardi on Unsplash
Words by Fiona Whitehead based on an interview with Lisa

Lisa shared a story with me about what happens when you ask for a bigger challenge at work. This can be scary, and was for Lisa at times, but the outcomes can be worth it. 

Lisa “foolishly said to her [manager] that I was a little bored and felt that I wanted to try something new.” Which I think is a great way to get a little push out of your comfort zone! 

“I was working at a very large bank at the time and my 1-up manager decided that I needed a new challenge!  

“Boy oh boy, did I get it!  She asked me to help her run the new transformation program, and my part of it was developing the leadership coaching and mentoring program that would support our leaders during the transformation.  This saw me having to suddenly engage with multiple senior leaders to enable me to understand what their biggest challenges were and how we could support them.  I got to work with a team of psychologists, learning specialists and developers to successfully develop and deliver the leadership coaching cohorts, as part of our leadership academy, with a mentoring program to address our diversity issues.  Additionally, we changed all our scorecard metrics to reflect the new expectations we had of our leaders” 

Lisa both wanted to learn something new, but also help the managers she saw who had not been equipped to cope with the daily issues they were struggling with. 

Some leaders chose to leave the business during the transformation, “However, for those who stayed, we supported them through the program and their journey.  So many of them just wanted a helping hand, someone to talk to and reflect with – a guiding hand to help them change every day.  The outcome was that we turned a business that was bleeding at the core to returning a profit in less than 3 years.  And with it, many leaders who had learnt and grown to go on and inspire others.” 

Despite the fabulous outcome, Lisa questioned herself before, during and even after ‘’reflecting on whether there was more that I could have done’’. But that does not stop her stepping out of her comfort zone. “I have on several occasions.  I do it because that is when I learn the most – not only about myself but also about others” 

And advice for others considering a new challenge? 

“I think that it is different for everyone – you bring your whole self to an experience and you may not have asked for the challenge.  There are some days that you’ll wake up in an absolute panic….and others when you’ll feel like “I’ve got this” – get comfortable with being uncomfortable!  Oh and be curious and not too hard on yourself! 

“Take any opportunity to learn – whether you learn about what to do next time or even what not to do , you’ve still learnt.” 

Thanks Lisa 

A bit about Lisa:

•        Started as a leadership business partner on the transformation journey and ended up running the entire program 

•        Have worked in manufacturing, financial, consulting and telco industries for the past 25 years 

•        Seeing people learn and grow through their journey is absolute fuel for me 

•        I have been privileged to work with leaders from all walks of life and continue to be surprised and delighted 

From the land of the long white cloud

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Photo by Jacob Chen on Unsplash
Words by Fiona Whitehead based on an interview with Jen

I think moving from one country to another is one of the biggest steps out of your comfort zone. That is what Jen did about 6 years ago. 

After leaving New Zealand, Jen and her husband travelled for 3 months and ‘’then arrived in Melbourne with some savings, temporary accommodation sorted and no jobs. I’m a very organised person so not having a clear plan is not my usual MO and not having financial security was … a big risk. Yet I believed I was that I was employable and that I would get a job, then I’d have an income and we would be fine.’’ 

Their recon included a long weekend in Melbourne (is it wrong that I am proud my city can have someone willing to move here after a single weekend?) and lots of research.  Jen believed they would be better off in Melbourne: ‘’ Not sure why or how but blind faith gave me the kick in the pants to make like Nike and ‘just do it’!’’ 

I asked Jen how she had felt before, during and after the experience. 

‘’To begin with it was all really exciting, who doesn’t want to quit their job, sell all their stuff and go travelling?’’ Jen shared with me.  

‘’Once we arrived the reality set in. My husband got a job within two weeks, it took me a little longer. That was hard and bit disheartening. But I kept at it. I used my time to meet with recruiters, improve my interview skills, and to start to build my network. At one stage I was told ‘that was the best feedback I’ve ever had for an unsuccessful candidate’! The uncertainty made it feel Iike an eternity, but within a month I had a job, and within two months we leased an apartment.’’  

I get the feeling this next bit is probably a bit hard for a Kiwi to say, so I will leave it in Jen’s words: “It is hard to believe that all of that happened almost six years ago. After saying we would re-evaluate every three months, at some point we didn’t need to any more. The time has flown by and I wouldn’t change the initial feelings of uncertainty for anything. I made a great life choice. The next big life choice I’ve made is to put in an application for Permanent Residency – at some stage I’m going to have to admit that I call Australia home.’’ 

Jen would ‘’Absolutely’’ step out of her comfort zone again. ‘’I have since that move and I would again. I don’t want to live a life with ‘what ifs’ I’d rather try and succeed or learn from the experience than not risk it. I’ve had plenty of opportunities where I could have focused on what could go wrong, or what I’m not sure about, but I choose to focus on the positives. If the worst-case scenario is I’m told no, then it is still worth trying.’’ 

And for people considering taking a step out of their own comfort zone? ‘’ Someone once told me ‘if it’s not threatening your life, it’s not life threatening’. This is my touchstone for many aspects of my life. What your comfort zone is and what steeping outside of it means will be different for everyone. Take some time to see how far you want to step. That could be having a solo coffee in a café or applying for role you don’t think you have all the ‘required skills’ for. It could be finding your voice to speak up or wearing a brightly coloured shirt. I encourage you to take that first step, you never know where it will take you.” 

Thanks, Jen, for sharing your inspiring story with us. 

About Jen: 

Jenny Brownlee is a Kiwi living in the land of OZ. Almost six years later that one choice to move, has led to many more excellent life choices, and some highlights and hiccups along the way. Pragmatic and positive she describes herself as a storyteller. Everyone has a story to tell, but they can’t always find their voice, that’s where she comes in. 

I am flawed. I am ace.

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Photo by Chris Slupski on Unsplash

Words by Fiona Whitehead based on an interview with Bex

I am going to start with the end of Bex’s story – “I am flawed.  I am ace.”.

Those two statements side by side really resonate with me. 

But back to the beginning. 

Bex loves her comfort zone, in her words “Can’t budge me from it.  It’s my safety net, my security blanket, my ‘zone’. ”

Then, seven years ago, she was pushed out of her comfort zone, and it wasn’t her choice. “Mentally I was not in a good place.  There was a war going on in my head, my mind and my emotions.  I would wake up mentally exhausted.  I would be emotionally all over the place – flying high on happiness and then crashing to miserable depths.  I was always in tears especially over stupid things.  Emotionally and socially I was cutting myself off from those around me and withdrawing.  It took one day when I was at my lowest that I realised that maybe… just maybe, I might have a problem.  I was being mentally crippled by my mental and emotional state.  Crippled in that I was too “scared” to do things that I loved.  Too anxious about doing something that would normally not bother me at all.  Something like going out of dinner with friends because some an emotional and mental tax, that would stop doing it. ”

Rather than ignore the situation Bex sought help. This meant having to learn to talk about herself and how she felt.  The result was the diagnosis of anxiety and depression – and the next step was therapy.  

“If I was struggling with going through the diagnoses process with all the intrusive questions, how was I going to go with therapy?  I wasn’t just pushed out of my comfort zone, I was being shoved.  Hard.  And with brutal force.  If you are a natural introvert, talking about yourself is hard enough.  Talking about healing your brain and your mental state of mind – is brutal.  It means making yourself emotionally vulnerable.  It means stripping back emotional layers that are the mental bubble wrap to protect you.  It means being honest and asking questions about yourself that you may not like.  May not want to be asked.  May not want to answer. 

“It means dumping all the mental pieces of your mind and like a puzzle, picking through them to construct a picture that is healthy and constructive.

“It means challenges.  Like facing the days where you want to pull the doona over your head and hide – so you get up and face the world.  It means taking away the safety net to be brave to face challenges that proves that you don’t need the net.  That if things don’t go to plan or don’t work out – that’s okay.  It means accepting that because you don’t tick a stereotype box – doesn’t mean that you are some freak.”

Bex was literally set a series of challenges, with the first one being to share her story. This not only involved making herself vulnerable, but it involved public speaking!  Despite literally knocking knees, Bex felt a huge relief once she had mastered this challenge. 

The next challenge was to mentor someone who was also suffering from anxiety and depression, the third to go speed dating!  Speed dating taught Bex that other people did find her interesting and maybe she was being too hard on herself. 

Her last challenge was to “go to my mirror and look myself in the eye.  I’ve never really did that.  I look in the mirror but it’s to look at something in particular.  Hair’s looking passable, lipstick is on point, shirt covers the essentials.  I’ve never looked at myself.  That is one of the hardest things to do…  That you have to accept and acknowledge yourself.”

And that leads me back to the start.  What did Bex learn? “Well – without sounding like I am throwing my ticket-tape parade – I am flawed.  I am ace.  Both are neither right or wrong, they are what they are.  I need to learn to accept that sometimes my flaws are on show and I shouldn’t beat myself up about them and turn them into something that will trigger anxiety.  That sometimes you need to buckle your mental seatbelt and let the ride take you rather than being stressed and trying to control the ride.  Accept that you have highs (positives) and soldier through the lows because both are perfectly okay.  Just be honest with myself.

“Oh and remember to breathe… if you are breathing you are okay.”

About Bex – long suffering St Kilda fan, pop culture tragic, music gig pig, wannabe professional traveller, proud aunt of two adorable cheeky nieces, loves a dad joke, a sucker for a good story, can be bribed with Reece’s peanut buttercups, would make an awesome snarky sassy sidekick, may have an obsession with red lipsticks (20 and counting!!!)

Two for the price of One

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Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

Words by Fiona Whitehead based on an interview with Andrew

Andrew shared with me two experiences of stepping out of his comfort zone. In an inception like move one was contributing to my blog! 

The common theme I noticed in Andrews experiences is that he plans. I personally find planning a great way to get out of my comfort zone too. Something about controlling what you can I think. 

Anyway, back to Andrew’s stories. 

His first example was taking the opportunity to act in a higher position at work. He took the opportunity as it was great for his career development, and has now done it on numerous occasions. After initial excitement about the chance to show that he could do the role, Andrew ‘’soon changed to feeling anxious and nervous about not having the skills to do the role adequately and the sense and fear of failure kicked in. I was thinking ‘I can’t do this. I am not capable; do I have what it takes?’” 

Andrew’s next steps were to “seek support and set out a plan so I wouldn’t fail’’. This included speaking with mentors, reading as much as he could and trusting his existing skills and knowledge. 

And the result?  Success! 

‘’The outcome in the end was I found this experience to be challenging but at the same time I learnt so much from the experience both personally and professionally. For me stepping out of my comfort zone does not come naturally but when I reflect back on experiences that required me to do so they are generally always beneficial.’’ 

I see similarities to Nolle’s ‘Valley of Despair’ in Andrews story.  

And then to our story about the story.  

‘’Being a naturally introverted person it is certainly out of my comfort zone to put myself out there and express myself in a public forum about my insecurities and or weaknesses. But when I read the post for this I thought why not…… I volunteered to partake in the blog because I am not a strong writer and felt it would help with self-reflection and my development as a leader in Telstra.’’ 

Once Andrew had volunteered I sent him an email with my interview questions, which triggered ‘’oh no what am I going to write about and how is it going to be perceived?’’ thoughts. 

Once again Andrew started with a plan. Some pencilled ideas, a plan on how he was going to attack the challenge and just started. ‘’ Sometimes just getting making a start is all it takes, then the ideas start to flow. I think this goes for anything in life getting started is the hardest thing whether that’s at work on a new project, fitness program or a New Year resolution.’’ 

I will let Andrew have the last words, they capture his experience (and I think those of many others) well: 

”When I look back on both of these experiences I feel a sense relief (that I survived) and satisfaction at being able to complete something that required me to “Step Outside My Comfort Zone”. 

”It is not always a positive experience when you step out of your comfort zone but I think there are always valuable learnings taken from all these experience whether it is positive or negative. I think there will be many more occasions in the future where I step out of my comfort zone, it probably occurs every day at work with a something as simple as a difficult conversation with a colleague or customer. 

”If someone is hesitating at stepping outside their comfort zone (something big or small) I would say jump at it and enjoy the challenge. You will certainly look back on it and think wow did I actually do that.” 

Thanks Andrew. 

A bit about Andrew: 

* I am Andrew Morgan a Field Technician in Nth NSW Tamworth Team 

* I have been in Telstra since 2014 starting as a trainee. 

* Since joining Telstra I have been fortunate to do relief work as the NBN ROS 

* I am currently participating in the Step into Leadership Program 

* I recently completed an Adv Dip Business Leadership and Management 

* I have a keen interest in Change Management 

* Lastly, I follow the AFL and I barrack for the Mighty Hawks!! 

3, 2, 1 Bungee!

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Yep, this was me! Way back in 1996.

Words by Fiona Whitehead

Have you ever been so scared you thought you would be physically ill?

That was me as I prepared to bungee jump off a bridge over the Zambesi River in Zimbabwe.

I was at the start of a 5-week safari through 5 countries in Eastern Africa. When I booked, I had noticed that the Bungee Jump was one of the optional extras and decided immediately I was doing it.  There is perhaps a bit of adrenaline junkie in me.

The location was Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, wonderfully picturesque!  You jump off a bridge, slightly downriver from the falls, over a fast flowing river.

When I jumped there was a fair bit of preparation.  There was a video to watch, including people jumping around the world, heads being dunked in rivers, huge smiles all round.  There was the queueing up.  There was the hearing that your second jump is free if you do it nekkid! We also watched someone do a reverse jump where the rope was attached to a harness on his chest and he jumped backwards. I have never witnessed terror like I saw on his face as he ‘fell’ backwards.

Then it was my turn.

As they fastened towels and ropes around my ankles, they tried to distract me with chatter.  It didn’t really work. I remember smiling faces, and have photo evidence of me smiling back, but I can’t really remember anything other than the fast approach of fear. And when I shuffled to the edge of the platform and looked down 190 metres to the water below, I began to feel nausea, a lot of nausea.  I turned to the person helping and whispered: “I think I am going to throw up”.  His response?  “Wait until you get to the bottom or you will bounce back up through it”.  Such a digusting image made my mind go kind of blank, and when he followed that with “3, 2, 1 Bungee” I just jumped!

A perfect swan dive (as evidenced by the video) off the side of the bridge was soon followed by the realisation that I could not feel the rope they had attached.  Did they forget to tie it? Had it come off?  Was I swan diving to my death?  The team beneath the bridge confirm I swore very loudly about then! (Those who know me will know how out of character swearing as!).

The best part of the jump?  That moment when I felt the tension of the rope kick in.  Joy does not come purer than that!

Unlike the rumours to the contrary, there was no sudden jerk at the bottom of my jump.  Just a gradual realisation that the scenery was going to opposite way.  That was followed by me ever so gently bouncing and swinging on the end of an 111m rope, giving the thumbs up for my photo when asked.

I bounced and swung for what felt like a long time! They have to wait until you completely stop before they come to attach the winch to pull you back up to the bridge.  But the view did not get less spectacular. And the rope was not slipping off my ankles (despite that fear crossing my mind too!).

Would I bungee jump again?  You bet I would!  In fact I wonder why I haven’t…

A huge leap

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Photo by Sammie Vasquez on Unsplash

Words by Fiona Whitehead based on an interview with Subhashini

The very first response I received when asking people to share their stories for my blog was humbling to me. It was an intensely personal story, and my gratitude to Subhashini is enormous.

Before I start, please note the content warnings: Abuse, depression

Subhashini was only 15 when her story begins, and the planning began months earlier. Try to imagine being in such an abusive situation that, despite the stigma of living alone in India, despite society expecting you to live with your parents until marriage (and sometimes beyond), despite it being ‘’too scary”, you leave home alone at the age of 15. Keep in mind that even when it is awful, home is still what you know and your ‘’comfort zone’’.

Subhashini’s parents were abusive. In her words ‘’I faced a lot of physical as well as emotional abuse coupled with neglect. They always wanted a male child and were extremely disappointed to have me. … It led to quite an early onset of depression and PTSD. I was getting more and more suicidal with each passing day. That’s when I decided that I have to take my life into my own hands and do something for myself rather than waiting around to be accepted”.

Operating in absolute stealth, Subhashini planned her escape. The big move occurred very quickly and suddenly after a huge fight with her mother. Once her mother left for work Subhashini packed the items she had set aside to take with her and left the house. ‘’ It was the sheer force of my will which made me carry two big suitcases and 2 huge bags full of books all on my own … I reached the train station and took a train without knowing where I would be going. All the adrenaline dipped as soon as the train left the station. I realized I was shaking from head to toe. The anxiety was unreal! I decided to call one of my college friends who sneaked me into her old house and let me stay there till I found a job and another accommodation’’

Subhashini says that despite the months of planning ‘’I wasn’t really prepared and you can never be prepared for such things’’.

The story doesn’t end there, Subhashini found a job (despite being underage) and through sheer hard work managed to finish college. 8 years on she has a decent job, rents her own apartment and even has a pet. Therapists have helped her work through her issues.

Subhashini has gone from feeling desolate and out of control to feeling like she is able to breathe.

Would Subhashini recommend stepping out of your comfort zone?

”DEFINITELY! I would do it over as many times as possible because it has taught me so many valuable things in life. I am a better person overall. I look back and I see how much I’ve grown in these eight years, personally as well as professionally. I can articulate well, express myself better. I don’t run away from situations anymore, I face it and deal with all the emotions that come with it. I am confident and more positive and I feel optimistic. I don’t instantly get bogged down by complex situations. I am more rational and I can keep my head at all times. I don’t think any of it would have been possible had I not decided to step out of my comfort zone (Which was 15 yrs of abuse and I was actually comfortable in that space since it was something I was used to and had learnt to cope with in my own unhealthy ways). I think this is the base to all the greatness one can accomplish, a stepping stone towards achieving anything you want however small or big it may be!”

And the last words of this post are also from Subhashini ”Preparation is good but as I said, no amount of preparation is going to help you navigate through life the way you want. Sometimes it’s best to take that leap of faith and trust yourself to sail the stormy seas. It’s good to listen to people but not rely on people to make your decisions. It’s absolutely okay to go wrong or be wrong, we are all learning. Accept and move forward. Things are never as bad as they seem to be. Do not ever hesitate to ask people for help. It’s never a bad idea. Talk to people and you never know how someone might be able to help you. My faith in humanity has increased so much because of all the people that I’ve talked to, who turned out to be wonderful. 
Keep faith and just do it!”

About Subhashini:

I am a 23 yr old student of Law and Sociology. In my free time, I am a researcher working on Intersectional Feminism in India. My weekend projects includes volunteering for NGOs to provide gender sensitivity workshops to 8th grade children. Diversity and inclusion is what I strive for. As for hobbies, I am into DIY home décor and also paint whenever I am not occupied with other things.