In today’s coaching vlog I talk about having a job still, my new assignment and the lesson I learned about how all the practices connect.
Author: Fiona Tibballs
My name is Fiona Tibballs and I am passionate about the benefits of leaving your comfort zone. I do it myself as often as possible. I am so grateful for the opportunity to share stories about courage on my blog.
Equine assisted Learning!
So why would a person who was terrified of horses agree to partake in a session of equine assisted learning?
“Really to understand what she did. And I’ve seen some posts on LinkedIn from a couple of other people I know who’d been up to Kinglake, and came back. And the stuff that surfaced, just in terms of your communication style, and your leadership style made me want to do it.”
So what did it involve?
“Karen Ostenried runs a program of equine assisted learning. She uses horses for team building, leadership programs, and all sorts of awesome stuff and she invited me and my partner up to see what she does.
“As a child, I had a very unfortunate experience with a horse. And I’ve got this fear of horses.
“Even before we went up there Karen said I could stay outside the arena, I didn’t need to go in – everybody has their comfort zone. So, on that basis, I said, Okay, let’s go.
So up we went to King Lake. And we did stand outside the arena.
“We had a bit of prep first and we stood outside the arena. And Karen introduced us to Duke who’s pretty tall. So she introduced us from afar and I watched, and then she told me and showed us what we’re going to be doing and just really eased us into a sense of a feeling of comfort, if you like.
“then we went into then we went into the arena and she gave us some brushes. With a bit of a trepidation I to started to brush Duke, who was quite happy! So it was nothing to fear really. Then she taught us how to recognize the body language of the horse. Duke had become part of our team. We had to take Duke with us to overcome problems and challenges. It was all like these obstacle courses set up on the in the arena that we had to take Duke through with us as a team.
“It was a big step up by set aside my comfort zone for me, but I think I was able to do it. I was very surprised by how far I got!
“I was amazed at the end of it, but I think I was able to do it because it was done in baby steps. It wasn’t a big jump. If Karen had opened the door to that arena and said, right, come on in and grab hold of Duke I don’t think I would have moved. I was able to succeed because there was coaching and support throughout to get to the point.”
One of the lessons Karen took out was that when leading Duke, if she looked back she confused him! She had to keep looking and moving forward to have him follow her. It was about setting clear direction for your team.
At this point I must be honest, I am keen to see how I can participate in Equine Assisted learning!
But I stayed focused and asked Karen about what drives her to step out of her comfort zone. “I think it helps you grow as a person. And I think if we never step out of our comfort zone, nothing will ever change. It’s just inertia. So I’m very much all about that growth mindset. You know about development, learning and growing. And there’s never a point at which you can’t be better at something or you can’t improve the way you lead or coach or whatever it might be or you can improve your communication skills. So I think it’s all about that learning and getting better. And when you are better at something and more comfortable with it, that’s when your comfort zone is growing. And I think it just enables you to do more and more.”
Thank you, Karen, for sharing your amazing experience!
The link to the EAL experience is: https://the-matanya-effect.com.au/
SUP!
Photo by Krzysztof Kowalik on Unsplash
You may have realised by now I rarely say no to trying something new. But a friend who I visit twice a year has asked a few times about me trying Stand Up Paddleboarding (SUP) with her and while I have never said no, I never jumped at the chance either. I am not sure why, but I felt like I would be really bad at it. This last visit was different. I said yes!
Firstly, I kayaked while my friend SUP’d. And got a great workout while having loads of fun! Then on day 2 we arranged for me to borrow a SUP, a nice big, stable one and off we went.
I was given the option of kneeling but chose to try and stand, with her holding the board. I wobbled. I knelt. I squatted. I did something vaguely resembling a downward dog. And repeated that cycle a few times. Eventually I stood!
And started paddling carefully.
We were in a creek, with only a light breeze. I headed off, slowly and carefully. With occasional tips about my arm position and technique. I must confess that despite being told more than once that the paddle was my friend to help stabilise me it never felt that way!
Then my feet got sore. I was gripping the board with them. My friend suggested I move them a little. And suddenly I was back on my knees! I am not sure what process my brain went through, but apparently even the thought of moving my feet panicked me! But I didn’t fall off 😊
We paddled across to the far bank, with me staying on my knees. Then cut back across to get out of the breeze. The day was mildly warm, the view was amazing, and my friend was so stable she had a drink on the front of her board! It was delightful.
At the turn around point I decided I wanted to try standing again. Without my friend to stabilise my board. There was a replay of the kneel, squat, downward dog, kneel cycle a few times before I finally managed to get myself upright again. I was so proud!!
I stood for about half the trip, kneeling when the breeze picked up.
I loved SUP. But I think I will try kayaking again, I felt a lot more stable sitting down!!
Coaching vlog #21
The Bun Story
Words by me (Fiona)
We have a story in my family that is shared regularly, with newcomers and even just as a reason to laugh.
At me.
It is known as ‘The Bun Story’ and it not only causes much mirth at family dinners, it also has some lessons.
The story is:
“When I was about 10 years old there were 2 left over fruit buns sitting on the kitchen bench.
For reasons unknown to this day I took a bite out of one.
Then denied it.
It became a ‘thing’. A ‘thing’ my mum now says she totally wished she had never started.
I recall being lined up against the fridge with my younger sister and brother while being asked ‘who bit the bun’. None of us spoke up.
The longer I didn’t speak up the harder it became to say anything.
Then my brother (who didn’t like fruit buns) was accused directly, but denied it (well it wasn’t actually him!).
Eventually, and it still feels like it went for a long time, we were all punished with no treats for the week.
You might think the story ends there, and wonder why it is so funny… but please step forward with me to a late hour two years later.
Yes,
2
years
later.
Sobbing like my heart was breaking, I went into my parent’s bedroom. “It was me, I bit the bun” I confessed through the tears.
They looked at me in shock for a nano second and then started laughing.
A lot!
And a family story was born.”
So now you know The Bun Story.
And what did I learn from this?
- If you don’t confess right away it just gets harder and harder.
- Having someone else punished for an action you took feels awful.
- If you confess to a relatively minor crime after 2 years people will laugh, a lot.
I encourage you to always own your errors, apologise as soon as you can and never let someone else take the blame.
Coaching Vlog #20
Driven by a great idea!
Words by Fiona based on an interview with Kirby
What do you do when you have a great idea, driven by a need you have, but making that concept a reality means stepping outside your comfort zone?
In Kirby’s case you do your research and go for it!
Boxi came from a real need, “my son has allergies to three different food groups. And I had a challenge as soon as he started to eat solid food, I’d have to take food absolutely everywhere he went, he couldn’t have anything that was packaged. I was taking lots of food in little tiny containers in a bag, but I’d lose the lids or I’d have mismatched lids. And then I found a really cute little bento style lunch box which I loved but I would have to put it in another bag with an icepack and it was a bag external to the bag that I’d have to take everywhere.
“Anyway, that’s what I started thinking about. Maybe I should make a lunch box because I couldn’t actually find one at the time. That was a bento style lunch box where I could compartmentalise the food and keep it cool at the same time. And that’s how it all started really.”
Everything but the marketing was out of Kirby’s comfort zone! She has a degree in communications, but started by Googling ‘how to make a product’ and going from there!
One of the hardest things for Kirby was asking for advice. But once she reached out she found that people were willing to share their own knowledge and experiences. She reached out to someone who she knew had run a successful kickstarter campaign, and also a person who had won a design award. Kirby had been worried they would ignore her or even say no, but instead found amazing help and support!
And yes, Kirby is now helping people who have reached out to her for advice!
Kirby did have setbacks – including a significant investor falling through just as she was about to get started. But she just knew she had a great product. “I got my first prototype sorted before I launched it to the public. And I showed it to a lot of people and I got my friends to take my prototype and show their friends so it was unbiased feedback. And I think the fact that I knew that this product was good and there was nothing like it on the market. That is one thing that has driven me plus, by the time I had that first prototype, which was this time last year, I really felt like I can’t turn back now!”
Kirby is comfortable with change, but is not a big risk taker. So her advice to others considering a similar move is to research! She is happy to take calculated risks, where the pay off is worth it. And is more willing now to do things (like talk to me!) that she would never had agreed to in the past. She still fights a fear of failure, but was given some great advice to “take longer to make a decision on the big decisions”. She realised that it is ok to take a week to get back to someone if she needs that time to be confident in her answer.
In Kirby’s words: “Do it. And don’t wait too long either. I feel like I sat on this idea for too long before I took any action because I was too scared of failing.
“Do your research. Reach out to people who are a year or two years ahead of you in their journey and just learn from their mistakes or learn from their experience so that you can build a relationship with them.
“So I just say go for it. Don’t wait too long. Get the right advice from the professionals, lawyers, engineers, whoever it is that you need. Do your research, use Google! And just go for it. I mean, really, at the end of the day, if this does fail, which is not going to, but if it does, I gave it a go.”
Great advice, and thank you Kirby for giving it a go!
Find out more about Boxi at https://www.boxi.com.au/pages/about-us
Fiona’s Coaching Vlog #19
A reorg, HCD training and trying to squeeze in coaching!
Learn to Love the Resistance
Words by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Lyssa
“I’m interested in doing this because, I guess a couple reasons. Number one, I’m interested in supporting women in particular in their pursuits in the world, and them having a unique voice and having their unique voice be heard. And the other thing is that I’m always interested in discovering more about myself and I find when I do interviews like this I find myself saying things I didn’t know I was going to say. And then that’s a whole other level of reflection for me to take on board.” – Lyssa Adkins
Confession time – when Lyssa agreed to be interviewed for this blog there may have been a mini celebration in the office. We are all huge fans! Now that I have that out of the way, may I say that Lyssa did not disappoint.
Phew – now that we have that out in the open, on with Lyssa’s story.
Lyssa had a unique take on that resistance you feel before you take the step. “I think I’ve over time come to really love that resistance as a friend because if I am somehow wanting something but not making progress on it that resistance is there to say ‘maybe not yet’.
“And I find that I live with things for I’m going to make this concrete in a moment. Because right now it’s quite abstract, I realized, but I find that I live with concepts for quite a while before I’m really ready to move on them. And it takes a while for the vision to come forward. And for me to find a way to do some small experiments. And through those small experiments, prove to myself that I really am okay over here in this new thing. And then the resistance fades and my full vision can come online.”
This really made me think, it was not something I had considered before. I always try to push through that resistance as quickly as I can.
Lyssa and I agreed an example would be great.
“There’s one thing in particular that has been brewing for me for probably about 10 years now. And that’s something related to climate change.
“I became aware of our climate predicament about 10 years ago and was utterly devastated.
“And then sort of went to sleep about it as I built a business and focused on my mission in Agile coaching.
“Just recently I have realized that things have progressed in the climate realm and we’re now faced with living with climate disasters, which wasn’t true as much 10 years ago. And I now have more time to really consider what is my role?
“I’ve started to have dreams about this thing called the Climate Response Network. And I think what it is, is a network of Agile consultancies and coaching organizations around the world that are finely tuned and able to help climate responder organizations. For example, the people who might be organizing how the wildfire response is happening in Australia.
“For a long time, I was sort of thinking maybe that’s where I’m called. I’m even having dreams about it at night but still sort of not making any real tangible progress on it. And whereas I used to find that sort of unconscious or intangible resistance, that resistance underneath the surface. I used to look at it and go: ‘you don’t need to be here, I’m gonna kick you out of the way and I’m going to do this anyway.’ I’ve come over time to learn that’s part of my process actually. Because my vision is coming more clearly into focus.”
For Lyssa there is also an element of talking about it to others to help focus the idea into something more actionable. What also tends to happen during this resistance is that Lyssa finds the people and connections she needs to make it happen start to come onto her life. That helps to build momentum and reassurance that Lyssa is on the right track.
Lyssa split stepping out of your comfort zone into a couple of types – go for it if you are trying to grow, learn etc. But if you have a compelling vision then maybe sit in the resistance a while, pay attention to that resistance.
“And is the nature of their resistance about a belief that they’re not they’re not ‘blank’ whatever the ‘blank’ is – I’m not smart enough, strong enough, I’m don’t have the right connections. Because if that’s the situation as my coach friends always like to say, self-confidence can be arranged.
“If the nature of the resistance is that ‘is that you?’ So for me I’ve been in the pit of despair about where we are as a planetary ecosystem. We’re very quickly encroaching on the planetary boundaries of the planet can sustain human life. So if it’s that I would say go into the despair even more which is kind of a strange thing to say.
“Because in that depth is the yearning, the desire and maybe some clarity about what part of this is yours and what part of this is other people to do.”
I am continuously awed by the different perspectives each person brings to stepping out of their comfort zone.
Thank you again Lyssa for your thoughts!
A little about Lyssa:
I am a coach, facilitator, teacher and inspirer.
My current focus is improving the performance of top leadership teams and Boards of Directors through insightful facilitation and organization systems coaching. Making difficult decisions faster and with clear alignment, unknotting challenging, multi-department impediments, creating the conditions for organizational delivery…this is where I thrive and help thrive.