Category: Challenging yourself

Love and my body

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Photo by Ebony at https://www.erboudoir.com/

This is an email I sent to Ebony (link above) after a photo shoot that exceeded all my expectations!

This is a story about a personal step out of my comfort zone. A photo shoot that was designed to have me look sexy. I had agreed to ‘implied nudity’. Something I was always going to do ‘when I got to my goal weight’. Then I saw Ebony’s add on a facebook page and decided it was time. Life is too short!

Hi Ebony,

I’ve been thinking ever since I saw the photos about how to explain to you how much they mean to me.

So I apologise for the long email in advance. I want to share the history so you understand a bit of how I feel.

I first remember being size conscious in my early teens. A family friend (a man in his early thirties at the time) made a comment about it.

Actually in primary school dad asked if FT on my art smock stood for ‘fat tummy’. I recall that so vividly. Fat was such a negative term to me.

I started my first diet at 16.

I dieted from then until about 4 years ago. I was either dieting or feeling guilty for not dieting. All the time. Every day. For years.

My weight yoyo’d and always ended up higher than it started.

For 30 years I fought my body. I felt like a failure. I hated my fat. I hated how I looked. 


I didn’t let it stop me from doing things, but I would be self-conscious a lot of the time.


Then I met the amazing Zoe who became my dietitian due to food intolerances. It was she who introduced me to healthy at every size (HAES).

Over the next 3 years I gradually started to accept my body. Accept its size and appreciate what it could do for me. Accept that I was not one of the 5% of people for whom diets worked. Accept that focusing on health and fitness was a much better option.


I stopped feeling as self conscious. I stopped wanting to diet. The scale shared a number that was more like a shoe size than a horror film.But I never expected to love my body.


Then your photos came through.


And I LOVED how my body looked. Even my belly as I arched my back in one of the photos I purchased. It looked sexy. I looked sexy.

I never thought I would like the photos of me that you took, I did it for the experience.  I was wrong. Looking through your proofs I was loving how my body looked for the first time I can ever remember! Even when I dieted myself into a size 8 I did not love my body!


What you did for me is something I will be forever grateful for. It is life changing.


Thank you is not enough, but I will say it again anyway.


Thank you.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I want to add that I expected to find one, maybe 2 photos that I didn’t hate.
I purchased 30, that I love! I could have purchased more!

Fears, tears and a brand new look!

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No explanations needed – my series of selfies!

I sat on a stool in mum’s kitchen. We discussed the best way to tackle it.

A number of smaller plaits to maximise the length was the agreement.

I took a selfie with pigtails at the front, I used to wear my hair like that. We called them ‘pussy cats’.

This part was fun. Memories of childhood and mum doing small plaits all over my head so I could dress up as raggedy ann.

Not so fun for mum, her back started hurting.

I knew she would rather I didn’t shave my head. So I felt guilty. But she wanted to continue.

We moved to the lounge where I sat on the floor. Sideways looks came my way from my nephews. My niece was oblivious. Hair didn’t matter to her.

Once the plaits were done (I am not sure how many, I didn’t count) the butterflies started up in my belly.

I took another selfie.

Pushing on through the fear is the only way I know.

So I asked mum to cut off the plaits right away.

Back to the kitchen stool. As the first plait was cut off my butterflies became leaden weights. My hair is not heavy, so I didn’t feel lighter as the plaited hair was dropped into a ziplock bag. The braids looked sad. Skinny. And not as much in the bag as I imagined. Would they even want my fine, frizzy hair for a wig?

But now I had spikes of hair. Varied lengths around my head. I took another selfie.

My mum and sister did not want to be involved in the shaving. My brother had gleefully volunteered.

I had raised over $4,000 for cancer by this stage. It was for a good cause. My brother had donated but tells me it was to see me bald.

We discussed lengths, I suggested starting with a #2. My brother decided a #4 and then see.

There was a plan to let my nephew colour my hair with hair chalk, but even with wet hair my amazon chalks didn’t work.

So onto the shaving we went.

I could see a crowd in the kitchen, I was outside. They were talking inside but I could not hear words.

I sat in a chair, with a sarong around my shoulders. And my brother shaved a strip up the back of my head.

I felt a moment of shock. Of ‘oh shit’. Of ‘I can’t go back now’.

I am not sure how long it took to get my hair down to a #4. But we all agreed my fine hair was short enough at that length. My sister helped tidy the edges. I didn’t take a selfie while it was being done. I didn’t want to see.

I had a hat with me, and several more at home.

I expected the worst. A badly shaped head. Some scars peering through. My birthmark fully exposed.

I guess my sister helping was a good sign.

Mum was surprised. She thought I was going truly hairless. If my brother had gone there, I would have let him. But I will be forever grateful he didn’t!

I sat through dinner. It needed more tidying I was told. But mostly people didn’t pay my head much attention. Our family dinners are noisy and fun. Hair is rarely a topic.

The next morning it all hit me. A week and 1 day after deciding to see if I could raise $2,000 for cancer research and support if I offered to shave my head I sat on my lounge and shed a tear. I had raised $4750. And my hair had gone from over 40cm (~16″) long to less than 1cm. Such a huge change.

But then a neighbour helped tidy it up. And his wife lent me a headband. With some makeup I looked quite cute.

Maybe I could adjust to short hair?

That was 2 weeks ago.

I now own many headbands, and new earrings. I have a ‘headband lady’.

I swim and by the time I am at my towel my hair is nearly dry.

I use a lot less shampoo. I have zero knots.

I can wear a hat and take it off without worrying about ‘hat hair’. I wear hats a lot – my poor scalp is very unprotected!

I will grow it enough to get it ‘styled’… but I might give short hair a try for a bit.

After all, I think it will grow on me (sorry!).

Surprise stress

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Photo by Ahmed Carter on Unsplash

Sometimes it surprises me what causes me stress.

It turns out shaving my head for charity does not!

But giving the highest donor the power to decide if I shave my head or not does!

I do not deal well without a plan.

And with Melbourne coming out of lockdown, I don’t know if I should make a hairdressing appointment or not.

I have a photo shoot planned, with no date yet. Will it be with or without hair?

What if I don’t even raise $2000 for the cancer council and it all becomes irrelevant?

Anyway.

I was surprised.

I though shaving my head would be stressful.

But it turns out not knowing is much more distressful to me!

You can help by donating, so I at least get to my $2k goal.

(The link requires Facebook access)

https://www.facebook.com/donate/462672848362405/?fundraiser_source=external_url

On the bus!

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Story by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Amanda
Image by me

Not everyone likes public transport, but when you are totally blind and have not caught a bus for 20 years it can be terrifying!

Amanda was a government lawyer and in 2014 her position became redundant. She decided to become a speaker, trainer and coach and once she finished her training was approached by Guide Dogs NXW/ACT to become a PR speaker for them. “I said I’d love to, because I get to practice my speaking skills and get to give back to guide dogs. I’ve had four guide dogs. It’s fantastic, because I’ve been doing it on a voluntary basis on and off for years.”

During her initial interview they asked Amanda how she planned on getting to her speaking engagements “I said ‘by taxi’ like any other self respecting person who can’t drive. And they said ‘Ah, what would you say if we said, we wanted you to get to as many of these as possible by public transport?’

“And I hadn’t caught a bus in 20 years, because I’ve been lucky enough to have always had someone at work who was willing to give me a lift. Apparently, all the colour drained from my face. I just about nearly threw up in the interviewers lap, because I was convinced that if I caught the bus on I on my own I’d get lost, and that would be a disaster.”

Amanda was reassured that she would not be on her own, they would train her first. And they did! 2 weeks of intensive training followed.

“And so we started with just getting on and off a stationary bus and finding a seat. And I was really anxious because I said, ‘oh, maybe I’m taking too long the bus driver is gonna yell at me’. But no, it was all good. And then the bus driver drove round and round the block in the pouring rain. And while I practiced getting on, ringing the bell and getting off the bus. Then gettting back on and finding a seat before ringing the bell. So we did this and then we had a short a short trip where we went half a dozen stops with the guide dog instructor next to me.

“And then we got to the point where I got to travel into the city on my own and met the instructor there. We had a coffee and then I travelled back again. And now I travel all over Canberra by bus to speak. So that was very definitely stepping out of my comfort zone.”

Amanda was still very nervous – but there were the bus announcements, an app to tell her when her stop was coming up and the bus driver as a last resort. She did get lost once, but called her mum to collect her.

“I travelled to and from a speaking engagement, do the talk. I’d come back and I’d have to have a nap because I’d be absolutely exhausted.

“But it felt really good knowing that I could do it, that I had conquered one of my greatest fears. And it felt really great. And now I’ve got to the point where I can actually check my email and send out an invoice between stops!

“And now ironically, I actually helped to train Canberra’s bus drivers on how to make bus travel more accessible for blind people.”

Amanda had advice for anyone reading this blog “Firstly, you have to want to enough, because if you don’t want to enough, if your why’s not big enough, you won’t bother. So you have to really want to do it.

“Then just take a deep breath and figure out how you can make that possible, how you can overcome that fear. Perhaps using something like the three steps: look at it on the catastrophe scale, figure out the consequences, and then what can you do to mitigate those consequences?”

Lastly Amanda advises to change your thoughts from the reasons why you can’t to ‘How can I?’ thoughts instead.

Thank you Amanda for sharing your story of overcoming a big fear!

Amanda Heal is a published author, professional keynote speaker, sought-after empowerment coach, podcaster, and entrepreneur. For years, she has inspired and encouraged clients and audiences alike to reach their full potential by finding hope, courage, and purpose.
Amanda is the sort of person who, if you tell her she can’t do something, will usually find a way. You may not think that is a big deal, but she has been totally blind since birth, so what you might find easy often creates challenges for her that she overcomes.
Surviving premature birth in 1970 was the first of those challenges. At birth, she weighed just 0.750kg (1 lb 9 oz) and was 24.5cm (10” ) long.
Amanda was the first totally blind student to graduate with honours in Law from the Australian National University. She has climbed to an altitude of 3,210m/10,531 ft, in Nepal, retrained as a speaker and coach after being unexpectedly laid off at the end of a seventeen-year legal career, and is a podcaster and published author of multiple books.
Amanda has made a number of television appearances, including appearing on ABC News  (Australia),  60 Minutes , and The Midday Show (Australia). She has also done quite a number of radio interviews.
As a speaker, Amanda uses her life experiences to inspire and encourage audiences to take courageous action to overcome the challenges that keep them stuck so they can reach their full potential in work and life.
As a coach, Amanda helps people discover their life’s purpose, overcome their limiting beliefs, and follow their dreams so they can celebrate rather than tolerate what they do each day.
Amanda currently lives in Canberra, Australia, with her guide dog Sadie and her budgie Maestro.

No Regrets!

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Story by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Karen
Image by me

Karen was not sure how she was going to support her family through the pandemic “I found myself in an area where I was not sure about what my income was going to be like, or really how my family was going to be able to be supported moving forward.”

It came to Karen through a meditation that she needed to tell her daughter’s story.

“So, what happened was that when my oldest daughter was 11, I found out that she was autistic. And not just shy, as the doctors had been telling me since she was born. Through testing we found out that she was autistic.

“And being a single parent, raising three young kids, and owning my own business I was really overwhelmed and didn’t know how to deal with that. Which is very normal for a lot of parents who have children who are diagnosed with a special need later on in their life.

“At age 11 it was, it was late for her to have this diagnosis, but not uncommon. I really didn’t know how to handle it, I didn’t know how to manage.”

Karen got lots of advice and found herself going into ‘mama bear’ mode. Trying to gain some control. Trying to do everything she could to make sure her daughter was going to be ok.

“And it came to a point where she just exploded at me and was like, ‘Well, why can’t I? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t you just love me for who I am?’

“And in our relationship, and in my parenting relationship with her, that was a huge defining moment. I woke up and I heard her and that changed how I parented her. I really taught her how to advocate for herself, and really taught her how to think about what her needs were.”

Jordan, Karen’s daughter, is about to graduate from college. The same daughter that Karen was told “was not going to have friends, not be able to get a job, not graduate high school, not go on to post-secondary, not be able to live on her own.

“And she has done all these things. And she’s done all these things, with honours, and with flying colours and just a breath of fresh air. And she’s just a beautiful joy to be around. She has her struggles, but her whole theory, her whole motto in life is I don’t want to have regrets.”

With Jordan as her example Karen started saying yes to every opportunity to speak about her amazing daughter “yes to anybody who wanted to talk to me, any platform where I could start telling my story because there is somebody who needs to hear it.”

Karen has done podcasts and Facebook lives with audiences all around the world. She won a prestigious speaking prize at John Maxwell where she was learning to perfect her craft.

When Karen wonders if maybe she is doing this for herself, not for others with special needs children, she gets a message from someone who has heard her story and was impacted by it. That keeps her going.

Karen’s advice for anyone considering stepping out of their comfort zone? “So to step outside of your comfort zone is terrifying. And it is hard

“And of course, within our comfort zone, there’s also that terror barrier  – that really big thick elastic band that you’ve got to really push against in order to break through.

“So my advice is for you to create some type of vision board of what you want your life to look like outside of that comfort zone. So really commit to that: write it down if you like to journal, create a vision board, make a video blog. Before you actually begin, visualize and know what that end looks like. So that when you start to feel that resistance, when your limiting beliefs start to kick in, you go back to that, and you say ‘yes, this is why I’m doing it. This is where I need to be.’

“Because you don’t need to know the path but you need to know where to go, the path will be revealed one step at a time.”

And Karen has told me a book is somewhere in her future!

Thank you for sharing Karen.

About Karen:

Karen Anne Fasulo found out when her daughter was 11, that she was Autistic and not just shy. Karen learned very quickly that she also required a lot of support.  However, everyone she spoke to didn’t understand HER, The mom.  9 years later and lots of learning, Karen Anne Fasulo, is a Certified Coach, Trainer, and Speaker as well as a Certified D.I.S.C. Behaviour Analysis Trainer, and uses her training, but also her personal experience to help parents just like YOU navigate through the steps to happier, healthier family life. Karen’s motto is in order to have a great relationship with your children, you first must have a great relationship with yourself.

Living outside your comfort zone

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Miranda lived her life outside her comfort zone, but nothing could prepare her for the year when everything changed.

“Suddenly her own private world collapsed when (within a few short months) her beautiful mother passed away suddenly and unexpectedly due to suicide (much like Robin Williams) and on the very same day Miranda adopted her baby sister who was then 11, then her grandmother died due to aggressive cancer, her brother in law passed due to brain tumours, she was fired from her job (that she took on to grieve her mum) and she discovered “Mr Forever Fiancé” was cheating on her this entire time.

She found herself planning funerals, (and later a tinder profile) as a single mum when she was meant to be planning a wedding, family and her “perfect life”.”

Rolling out of my comfort zone

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On Sunday I did something that many people do every day, but for me it was a long way out of my comfort zone.

I wore rollerblades!

About 20 years ago I decided to buy rollerblades in the post-Christmas sales. I was going to get fit, and be one of those people who rollerbladed along St Kilda beach.

Well, my dream was ended rather abruptly when about 6 steps in to my new activity when I broke my back.

I have made a full recovery, physically.

But for several years I could not even watch others rollerblade.

And for longer I got nervous on any slippery surface.

In the back of my mind was the fact that the rollerblades won.

I had this idea about just wearing some rollerblades once more and just standing in them. Maybe for a minute. To even the scales a bit. But I let fear stop me.

Then last year my sister-in-law invited me to go roller-skating with her, my brother and their young kids.

I decided it was my chance!

And then we went into lockdown.

Fast forward to this year and the invitation was reissued – mother’s day at the skating rink!

My expectations were low, and my trepidation high. I had a goal to stand in the rollerblades, but was fully prepared to not even mange that.

My brother suggested roller skates instead, but it had to be the blades.

The rental counter handed over my size 7s and I went back to our table.

Step 1 – putting them on- went ok.

Standing up… I was not sure it was going to happen! But after quite a bit of self-talk I stood. And then let go of the table. For a minute!

Then I sat back down.

Part 3 was going from the table to the seat beside the rink – holding my brothers hand. I managed to shuffle across. I watched people of all ages skate and shuffle about the rink. And started moving around a bit myself, on the carpet.

After a while I realised that my rollerblade confidence was at it’s limit, so I switched them out for rollerskates – with the wheels tightened.

And I am proud to say that after quite a few trips along one edge of the rink holding the rail, I did a full lap of the rink without holding onto anything or anyone!

It was slow. It was wobbly in places. It was more shuffle than skate.

But I feel I have conquered my fear of being on skates, and am going to go again!

There is no why

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Story by me based on an interview with Richard
Image by me

Interviewing Richard was an experience out of my comfort zone! He definitely challenged my thinking.

“Since about 2012, I’ve put myself into a whole bunch of adventures, and they vary dramatically from something more recent, which was I lived on the streets in India pulling a two-seater hand-pulled rickshaw. It’s a two-seater wooden cart that generally a very old wiry man pulls on, and they often do that barefoot, and they are in extreme poverty. They live on the streets, eat from the streets, sleep with the rats. So basically, what I did as a bit of a social experiment was live with work with those guys for a whole week, just mirroring that their life completely in every aspect.

“Then if you go right back to the start, I’ve done things like ran around the base of an exploding volcano in Sumatra while being rained on by rock and ash. I’ve been in a war zone in the middle of Israel with missiles flying overhead. I have pushed myself doing a hike to such an extent that I put myself in hospital and nearly came close to amputation, and that’s just a few of the things.”

When I asked Richard why, he shared Mount Hiei’s marathon monks’ story – who challenge themselves to circle the mountain every day for 1000 days. And if they miss a day, they take their own lives, regardless of the reason.

Richard thinks “it’s more to do with a feeling or an emotion. I’m not a big believer in a purpose or a mission statement, or a goal, per se. And the reason for that is that goal, I guess, are only guidance; they don’t drive us. So you’ve always got to look for what the driver is. And I think that has to be emotionally driven internally; it’s unique to every single person. When you have that feeling, I believe you are on the right path. I think intuitively, people probably know what direction they are supposed to go in. “But I think that the strange thing about intuition is that it tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. So you’re looking down a path that can be very scary and a bit daunting. And that doesn’t seem right. But, generally is the right way. 

“I think whatever that feeling is, you know you’ve got the why when you have a love-hate relationship with it, because I love what I do, but equally I hate what I do. I think the why has to be something that is almost not controllable. I don’t think you can have it as a mission statement, or this is why I do what I do.”

Richard spoke to me that being uncomfortable can be dark and miserable and should not focus on the positives. “It sounds counterintuitive to focus on the negatives, but you have to because that’s the only stuff that’s going to stop you from moving forward and pursuing whatever it is you want to follow, not the positive stuff.

“The positive stuff takes care of itself. It’s the stuff that gets rid of the positive stuff that you need to focus on. The anxious feeling, the overwhelm, there’s a whole array of stuff that comes along the path to any goal, and you need to focus on that stuff. If you feel that you’re willing to take that stuff on, then that’s okay, but if you’re not, don’t do it. But don’t fool yourself and go, ‘well I’m going to give this a crack; it’s going to be amazing, and then at the first hurdle you go ‘it’s all too hard, or it’s too scary, or it’s too whatever.”

The last part of Richards advice I am going to share is about fear “the exciting thing about fear is that if I am in the middle of a war zone, for example, or I’m about to stand in front of a camera for 2000 people the feelings the same. It’s kind of cool if you can work out how to step into fear. You’ve conquered most things in life because every situation feels the same! “Also, remember that fear and excitement feel the same. You could almost think yourself well, let me flip my thinking to excitement, and I’m feeling no fear at all.”

Thank you, Richard, for your unique thoughts on stepping out of your comfort zone!

Richard Bowles is the founder of Adventure Alchemy and a five-time world record-breaking Australian adventurer. He’s also a multi-disciplined educator, executive advisor, and top 20 rated APAC speaker. His risky adventure experiences and unique research have enabled him to accelerate his clients’ performance and organizational progress. His work features in international media including CNN, Sky News, and The Today Show.

Passion and Purpose

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Words by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Kylie
Image by me

Kylie learned the hard way that ‘following your passion’ is not always the path to happiness.

In her case, stepping out of her comfort zone career-wise seemed like the antidote for her lifelong battle with depression and anxiety.

“From early on I assumed that my emotional state was a product of my life circumstances. I dreamed of leaving the small country town I’d grown up in and moving to the city so I could finally be in control of my choices. And that’s pretty much what I did. I went to uni and picked up couple of part-time jobs. I worked really, really hard to acquire all the things that I thought would make me happy – a successful career as a radiographer, dream home, classic car, designer things, great social life and heaps of friends.  Essentially, all the things that the advertising agents tell you will make you happy. But the thing is, none of these material acquisitions changed anything about my life. I was still completely hollow and empty on the inside. 

“And that was devastating. I kept thinking, perhaps it’s just because I haven’t met the love of my life or I haven’t found the career of my dreams. There were no contenders on the romance front, so I decided that the one thing I could control was my career.  So I went looking for something that I thought would make my heart sing. And that’s when an opportunity arose to set up a decorative metal finishes business. It felt like my destiny. So I literally took the leap of faith and left my secure and stable career behind.

“My foray into the architectural and design industry was exciting at first. Unfortunately, after six years of pouring all my resources into this business, it failed. I lost a lot of money and it broke me emotionally. What I couldn’t understand was why. My decision felt so right at the beginning. I thought it was what I really wanted to do. 

“In hindsight, I realised that I’d made the all-too-common mistake of following a passion rather than my purpose.

“As far as how I dealt with it, I don’t know that I did. I felt like such a failure and fell into a deep depression. To cope, I simply kept putting one foot in front of the other. I felt too embarrassed to go back to my old career. I took some time out and did simple, odd jobs that were offered to me.

“More and more, I wanted to understand why things had gone so wrong when they had felt so right. I wanted to know what was wrong with me, why I wasn’t satisfied and why I couldn’t enjoy the simple pleasures in life.  So I started searching. I did lots of courses, workshops, retreats, and that sort of thing to try and work out what was missing. This continued for a good 16 years.”

To cut to the chase, Kylie did find her purpose.  The full story, she says, takes two days to tell properly.

In the essence of time, she had this to share about passion and purpose.

“What people don’t realise is that purpose and passion play two really different roles in your life.  You can have many passions, but only one true purpose.

Passions are the things you thoroughly enjoy doing because they make you feel good. They are very much driven by emotion and thus can fluctuate depending on your mood. In that way they are really quite self-serving. Passions, however, are essential because they help create work life balance, particularly in the face of challenges.

“Your purpose is your contribution to humanity and allows you to serve others in the way that only you can. It can be defined as a combination of your unique skills, talents and life experiences.

“And it’s only through living your purpose that you ever find fulfillment and meaning.

Thank you Kylie!

Kylie Attwell is an author, content curator and facilitator for self-transformation. Her skills and services take a multi-disciplinary approach based on the latest therapeutic modalities and brain science. In her Brisbane practice, she conducts one-on-one consultations and energy assessments to ascertain where clients are on their journey, and then provides personalised guidance to help change the printout of their life. She also facilitates belief change, emotional release, and hands-on healing sessions to relieve stress and anxiety.

Anything is possible

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Words by Fiona (me) based on an interview with Steph
Photo by Aleksandra Boguslawska on Unsplash

Steph was suffering from PTSD as a result of her work as an paramedic.

She tried a few different things to help herself recover – “I tried lots of different things. I went to a different station to work for a while, I took up a business course and decided to learn about starting a business, and started swimming, but I’d also written a bucket list which I had taken out again to look at. I decided that I was going to pick the biggest, most meaningful thing off my bucket list and and do it”

What Steph picked was walking the 800km Camino Trail. It runs from the just before the border of France right across the north of Spain and is a mountainous pilgrim trail.

Steph was not particularly fit at the time, had severe knee arthritis and anxiety from the ptsd, but she had a year to prepare.

Preparation included sharing her story via Facebook (a public commitment!) and a book she has written, and also raining money for PTSD – specifically the Black Dog Institute.

Eventually the time came to start the walk “As I sat on the bus as it drove across the Alps towards my starting point, I was completely and utterly petrified. Everything in me just wanted to go home. I thought I cannot walk those mountains, I’m alone and I’m not fit enough. There was lots and lots of self talk – you didn’t train enough and that was your own fault, you’re gonna die on those mountains just trying to walk up them, what were you thinking doing this alone.”

Steph then looked up and saw the shepherds bringing their herds down the mountain and had a moment of thought “I can just start where I am. Start with the fitness I’ve got and build it up, be sensible about it, do as much as I can without injuring myself or hurting myself, and in that moment I  remembered why I was doing it and wanted to succeed, I wanted to make it to Santiago de Compostela and enjoy the journey along the way that I had read so much about. I had an image in my head of what it would be like on that final day to walk into the square and see the big Cathedral and know that I’d finished this.

“That became my driving force. I had a couple of nights there in the little town where you start the walk.  I spent the first day exploring and getting my mind in the right space to start the walk the next day. I was terrified to walk on my own, I didn’t know whether it was fully safe, so I rationalized that there are many people who do this walk every year and finish it and they are all different types of people with their own unique reasons for being there. I knew in that moment it was a mind thing more so than my fitness and it had been a long held passion for too long. It was time to make the dream a reality.”

The next day Steph began her 6 week walk. You average about 20km per day and the walk is often metaphorically divided into 3 phases – physical, mental and spiritual.

The first two weeks were the hardest physically. “It was so hard on my body every day. The pain in my knees and feet and trying to breathe walking up the mountains challenged every bit of my will.” Yet Steph persisted and slowly her fitness and endurance built up more and more.

The next 2 weeks were the hardest mentally “My mind kicked in. I started thinking about what I was doing here, about my home, my family and my life and about the PTSD, how long I could keep doing my job and what else could I do. I had been a paramedic so long that I didn’t have any other skills.” Steph describes lots of conflicted thinking and the war of thoughts inside her mind.

Steph was a much slower walker than most of the others on the trail and this meant she walked alone for 95% of the time. This provided a LOT of time to think.

By the end of about 4 weeks of walking she remembers standing on the top of a hill one day, looking back in amazement that she had already walked from as far in the distance as she could see and when she turned around, ahead as far as she could see was the distance still to walk that day. She had 29 days behind her that she had done and was already two thirds of the way through this journey.

A couple of days later was Steph’s nemesis mountain, the one she feared she would not be able to climb. A 9km walk up the highest mountain on the trail, and after 4 weeks of beautiful weather it started to rain and get cold. 3kms into the days walk Steph stopped for a cup of tea at a café, where it would have been so easy to call a taxi to complete the rest of the ascent to the top. She made the decision to continue walking despite the wet and cold, and after a further 3kms at the next town, over a hot chocolate she made that choice again. No taxis required! Steph conquered her nemesis that day.

After that Steph started noticing more of the beauty around her and kept walking every day and after the next 10 rain (and snow!) filled days the sun came back out. The walk had now become a routine and a joy as she found acceptance and awe in what she was able to do. No longer focussed on the things she couldn’t do, the possibility of what lay ahead for her life became exciting and carried her strongly though the remainder of the walk.

On the final day Steph reflected “Walking into that square at the end of an 800 kilometre walk was phenomenal. It was a once in a lifetime thing that you just never imagine a 55 year old female who, as a shift worker has never lived with routine, could do something day after day for 42 days, that was so physically and mentally demanding. I was there and I had done it!

“The beautiful part about it is I came back a completely different person. I came back with a different view of the world and at the lessons I learned in that journey still guide me now.”

I asked Steph what made her keep going on those hard days “I’ve done lots of things in my life where you start and then give up. I did it because I wanted to inspire myself and prove that despite any odds, anything is possible. Through challenging the things that I shouldn’t, wouldn’t or couldn’t do, I want to inspire others to go out into the world and do those things that spark a fire in their minds, even when they think it is impossible.”

Steph still has PTSD but is using her experiences to help others to create and succeed in their own 1 Big Goal.  I have every faith that someone as determined as she is will work it out!