Category: Generously shared stories by others

On the bus!

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Story by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Amanda
Image by me

Not everyone likes public transport, but when you are totally blind and have not caught a bus for 20 years it can be terrifying!

Amanda was a government lawyer and in 2014 her position became redundant. She decided to become a speaker, trainer and coach and once she finished her training was approached by Guide Dogs NXW/ACT to become a PR speaker for them. “I said I’d love to, because I get to practice my speaking skills and get to give back to guide dogs. I’ve had four guide dogs. It’s fantastic, because I’ve been doing it on a voluntary basis on and off for years.”

During her initial interview they asked Amanda how she planned on getting to her speaking engagements “I said ‘by taxi’ like any other self respecting person who can’t drive. And they said ‘Ah, what would you say if we said, we wanted you to get to as many of these as possible by public transport?’

“And I hadn’t caught a bus in 20 years, because I’ve been lucky enough to have always had someone at work who was willing to give me a lift. Apparently, all the colour drained from my face. I just about nearly threw up in the interviewers lap, because I was convinced that if I caught the bus on I on my own I’d get lost, and that would be a disaster.”

Amanda was reassured that she would not be on her own, they would train her first. And they did! 2 weeks of intensive training followed.

“And so we started with just getting on and off a stationary bus and finding a seat. And I was really anxious because I said, ‘oh, maybe I’m taking too long the bus driver is gonna yell at me’. But no, it was all good. And then the bus driver drove round and round the block in the pouring rain. And while I practiced getting on, ringing the bell and getting off the bus. Then gettting back on and finding a seat before ringing the bell. So we did this and then we had a short a short trip where we went half a dozen stops with the guide dog instructor next to me.

“And then we got to the point where I got to travel into the city on my own and met the instructor there. We had a coffee and then I travelled back again. And now I travel all over Canberra by bus to speak. So that was very definitely stepping out of my comfort zone.”

Amanda was still very nervous – but there were the bus announcements, an app to tell her when her stop was coming up and the bus driver as a last resort. She did get lost once, but called her mum to collect her.

“I travelled to and from a speaking engagement, do the talk. I’d come back and I’d have to have a nap because I’d be absolutely exhausted.

“But it felt really good knowing that I could do it, that I had conquered one of my greatest fears. And it felt really great. And now I’ve got to the point where I can actually check my email and send out an invoice between stops!

“And now ironically, I actually helped to train Canberra’s bus drivers on how to make bus travel more accessible for blind people.”

Amanda had advice for anyone reading this blog “Firstly, you have to want to enough, because if you don’t want to enough, if your why’s not big enough, you won’t bother. So you have to really want to do it.

“Then just take a deep breath and figure out how you can make that possible, how you can overcome that fear. Perhaps using something like the three steps: look at it on the catastrophe scale, figure out the consequences, and then what can you do to mitigate those consequences?”

Lastly Amanda advises to change your thoughts from the reasons why you can’t to ‘How can I?’ thoughts instead.

Thank you Amanda for sharing your story of overcoming a big fear!

Amanda Heal is a published author, professional keynote speaker, sought-after empowerment coach, podcaster, and entrepreneur. For years, she has inspired and encouraged clients and audiences alike to reach their full potential by finding hope, courage, and purpose.
Amanda is the sort of person who, if you tell her she can’t do something, will usually find a way. You may not think that is a big deal, but she has been totally blind since birth, so what you might find easy often creates challenges for her that she overcomes.
Surviving premature birth in 1970 was the first of those challenges. At birth, she weighed just 0.750kg (1 lb 9 oz) and was 24.5cm (10” ) long.
Amanda was the first totally blind student to graduate with honours in Law from the Australian National University. She has climbed to an altitude of 3,210m/10,531 ft, in Nepal, retrained as a speaker and coach after being unexpectedly laid off at the end of a seventeen-year legal career, and is a podcaster and published author of multiple books.
Amanda has made a number of television appearances, including appearing on ABC News  (Australia),  60 Minutes , and The Midday Show (Australia). She has also done quite a number of radio interviews.
As a speaker, Amanda uses her life experiences to inspire and encourage audiences to take courageous action to overcome the challenges that keep them stuck so they can reach their full potential in work and life.
As a coach, Amanda helps people discover their life’s purpose, overcome their limiting beliefs, and follow their dreams so they can celebrate rather than tolerate what they do each day.
Amanda currently lives in Canberra, Australia, with her guide dog Sadie and her budgie Maestro.

No Regrets!

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Story by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Karen
Image by me

Karen was not sure how she was going to support her family through the pandemic “I found myself in an area where I was not sure about what my income was going to be like, or really how my family was going to be able to be supported moving forward.”

It came to Karen through a meditation that she needed to tell her daughter’s story.

“So, what happened was that when my oldest daughter was 11, I found out that she was autistic. And not just shy, as the doctors had been telling me since she was born. Through testing we found out that she was autistic.

“And being a single parent, raising three young kids, and owning my own business I was really overwhelmed and didn’t know how to deal with that. Which is very normal for a lot of parents who have children who are diagnosed with a special need later on in their life.

“At age 11 it was, it was late for her to have this diagnosis, but not uncommon. I really didn’t know how to handle it, I didn’t know how to manage.”

Karen got lots of advice and found herself going into ‘mama bear’ mode. Trying to gain some control. Trying to do everything she could to make sure her daughter was going to be ok.

“And it came to a point where she just exploded at me and was like, ‘Well, why can’t I? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t you just love me for who I am?’

“And in our relationship, and in my parenting relationship with her, that was a huge defining moment. I woke up and I heard her and that changed how I parented her. I really taught her how to advocate for herself, and really taught her how to think about what her needs were.”

Jordan, Karen’s daughter, is about to graduate from college. The same daughter that Karen was told “was not going to have friends, not be able to get a job, not graduate high school, not go on to post-secondary, not be able to live on her own.

“And she has done all these things. And she’s done all these things, with honours, and with flying colours and just a breath of fresh air. And she’s just a beautiful joy to be around. She has her struggles, but her whole theory, her whole motto in life is I don’t want to have regrets.”

With Jordan as her example Karen started saying yes to every opportunity to speak about her amazing daughter “yes to anybody who wanted to talk to me, any platform where I could start telling my story because there is somebody who needs to hear it.”

Karen has done podcasts and Facebook lives with audiences all around the world. She won a prestigious speaking prize at John Maxwell where she was learning to perfect her craft.

When Karen wonders if maybe she is doing this for herself, not for others with special needs children, she gets a message from someone who has heard her story and was impacted by it. That keeps her going.

Karen’s advice for anyone considering stepping out of their comfort zone? “So to step outside of your comfort zone is terrifying. And it is hard

“And of course, within our comfort zone, there’s also that terror barrier  – that really big thick elastic band that you’ve got to really push against in order to break through.

“So my advice is for you to create some type of vision board of what you want your life to look like outside of that comfort zone. So really commit to that: write it down if you like to journal, create a vision board, make a video blog. Before you actually begin, visualize and know what that end looks like. So that when you start to feel that resistance, when your limiting beliefs start to kick in, you go back to that, and you say ‘yes, this is why I’m doing it. This is where I need to be.’

“Because you don’t need to know the path but you need to know where to go, the path will be revealed one step at a time.”

And Karen has told me a book is somewhere in her future!

Thank you for sharing Karen.

About Karen:

Karen Anne Fasulo found out when her daughter was 11, that she was Autistic and not just shy. Karen learned very quickly that she also required a lot of support.  However, everyone she spoke to didn’t understand HER, The mom.  9 years later and lots of learning, Karen Anne Fasulo, is a Certified Coach, Trainer, and Speaker as well as a Certified D.I.S.C. Behaviour Analysis Trainer, and uses her training, but also her personal experience to help parents just like YOU navigate through the steps to happier, healthier family life. Karen’s motto is in order to have a great relationship with your children, you first must have a great relationship with yourself.

Living outside your comfort zone

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Miranda lived her life outside her comfort zone, but nothing could prepare her for the year when everything changed.

“Suddenly her own private world collapsed when (within a few short months) her beautiful mother passed away suddenly and unexpectedly due to suicide (much like Robin Williams) and on the very same day Miranda adopted her baby sister who was then 11, then her grandmother died due to aggressive cancer, her brother in law passed due to brain tumours, she was fired from her job (that she took on to grieve her mum) and she discovered “Mr Forever Fiancé” was cheating on her this entire time.

She found herself planning funerals, (and later a tinder profile) as a single mum when she was meant to be planning a wedding, family and her “perfect life”.”

There is no why

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Story by me based on an interview with Richard
Image by me

Interviewing Richard was an experience out of my comfort zone! He definitely challenged my thinking.

“Since about 2012, I’ve put myself into a whole bunch of adventures, and they vary dramatically from something more recent, which was I lived on the streets in India pulling a two-seater hand-pulled rickshaw. It’s a two-seater wooden cart that generally a very old wiry man pulls on, and they often do that barefoot, and they are in extreme poverty. They live on the streets, eat from the streets, sleep with the rats. So basically, what I did as a bit of a social experiment was live with work with those guys for a whole week, just mirroring that their life completely in every aspect.

“Then if you go right back to the start, I’ve done things like ran around the base of an exploding volcano in Sumatra while being rained on by rock and ash. I’ve been in a war zone in the middle of Israel with missiles flying overhead. I have pushed myself doing a hike to such an extent that I put myself in hospital and nearly came close to amputation, and that’s just a few of the things.”

When I asked Richard why, he shared Mount Hiei’s marathon monks’ story – who challenge themselves to circle the mountain every day for 1000 days. And if they miss a day, they take their own lives, regardless of the reason.

Richard thinks “it’s more to do with a feeling or an emotion. I’m not a big believer in a purpose or a mission statement, or a goal, per se. And the reason for that is that goal, I guess, are only guidance; they don’t drive us. So you’ve always got to look for what the driver is. And I think that has to be emotionally driven internally; it’s unique to every single person. When you have that feeling, I believe you are on the right path. I think intuitively, people probably know what direction they are supposed to go in. “But I think that the strange thing about intuition is that it tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. So you’re looking down a path that can be very scary and a bit daunting. And that doesn’t seem right. But, generally is the right way. 

“I think whatever that feeling is, you know you’ve got the why when you have a love-hate relationship with it, because I love what I do, but equally I hate what I do. I think the why has to be something that is almost not controllable. I don’t think you can have it as a mission statement, or this is why I do what I do.”

Richard spoke to me that being uncomfortable can be dark and miserable and should not focus on the positives. “It sounds counterintuitive to focus on the negatives, but you have to because that’s the only stuff that’s going to stop you from moving forward and pursuing whatever it is you want to follow, not the positive stuff.

“The positive stuff takes care of itself. It’s the stuff that gets rid of the positive stuff that you need to focus on. The anxious feeling, the overwhelm, there’s a whole array of stuff that comes along the path to any goal, and you need to focus on that stuff. If you feel that you’re willing to take that stuff on, then that’s okay, but if you’re not, don’t do it. But don’t fool yourself and go, ‘well I’m going to give this a crack; it’s going to be amazing, and then at the first hurdle you go ‘it’s all too hard, or it’s too scary, or it’s too whatever.”

The last part of Richards advice I am going to share is about fear “the exciting thing about fear is that if I am in the middle of a war zone, for example, or I’m about to stand in front of a camera for 2000 people the feelings the same. It’s kind of cool if you can work out how to step into fear. You’ve conquered most things in life because every situation feels the same! “Also, remember that fear and excitement feel the same. You could almost think yourself well, let me flip my thinking to excitement, and I’m feeling no fear at all.”

Thank you, Richard, for your unique thoughts on stepping out of your comfort zone!

Richard Bowles is the founder of Adventure Alchemy and a five-time world record-breaking Australian adventurer. He’s also a multi-disciplined educator, executive advisor, and top 20 rated APAC speaker. His risky adventure experiences and unique research have enabled him to accelerate his clients’ performance and organizational progress. His work features in international media including CNN, Sky News, and The Today Show.

Passion and Purpose

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Words by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Kylie
Image by me

Kylie learned the hard way that ‘following your passion’ is not always the path to happiness.

In her case, stepping out of her comfort zone career-wise seemed like the antidote for her lifelong battle with depression and anxiety.

“From early on I assumed that my emotional state was a product of my life circumstances. I dreamed of leaving the small country town I’d grown up in and moving to the city so I could finally be in control of my choices. And that’s pretty much what I did. I went to uni and picked up couple of part-time jobs. I worked really, really hard to acquire all the things that I thought would make me happy – a successful career as a radiographer, dream home, classic car, designer things, great social life and heaps of friends.  Essentially, all the things that the advertising agents tell you will make you happy. But the thing is, none of these material acquisitions changed anything about my life. I was still completely hollow and empty on the inside. 

“And that was devastating. I kept thinking, perhaps it’s just because I haven’t met the love of my life or I haven’t found the career of my dreams. There were no contenders on the romance front, so I decided that the one thing I could control was my career.  So I went looking for something that I thought would make my heart sing. And that’s when an opportunity arose to set up a decorative metal finishes business. It felt like my destiny. So I literally took the leap of faith and left my secure and stable career behind.

“My foray into the architectural and design industry was exciting at first. Unfortunately, after six years of pouring all my resources into this business, it failed. I lost a lot of money and it broke me emotionally. What I couldn’t understand was why. My decision felt so right at the beginning. I thought it was what I really wanted to do. 

“In hindsight, I realised that I’d made the all-too-common mistake of following a passion rather than my purpose.

“As far as how I dealt with it, I don’t know that I did. I felt like such a failure and fell into a deep depression. To cope, I simply kept putting one foot in front of the other. I felt too embarrassed to go back to my old career. I took some time out and did simple, odd jobs that were offered to me.

“More and more, I wanted to understand why things had gone so wrong when they had felt so right. I wanted to know what was wrong with me, why I wasn’t satisfied and why I couldn’t enjoy the simple pleasures in life.  So I started searching. I did lots of courses, workshops, retreats, and that sort of thing to try and work out what was missing. This continued for a good 16 years.”

To cut to the chase, Kylie did find her purpose.  The full story, she says, takes two days to tell properly.

In the essence of time, she had this to share about passion and purpose.

“What people don’t realise is that purpose and passion play two really different roles in your life.  You can have many passions, but only one true purpose.

Passions are the things you thoroughly enjoy doing because they make you feel good. They are very much driven by emotion and thus can fluctuate depending on your mood. In that way they are really quite self-serving. Passions, however, are essential because they help create work life balance, particularly in the face of challenges.

“Your purpose is your contribution to humanity and allows you to serve others in the way that only you can. It can be defined as a combination of your unique skills, talents and life experiences.

“And it’s only through living your purpose that you ever find fulfillment and meaning.

Thank you Kylie!

Kylie Attwell is an author, content curator and facilitator for self-transformation. Her skills and services take a multi-disciplinary approach based on the latest therapeutic modalities and brain science. In her Brisbane practice, she conducts one-on-one consultations and energy assessments to ascertain where clients are on their journey, and then provides personalised guidance to help change the printout of their life. She also facilitates belief change, emotional release, and hands-on healing sessions to relieve stress and anxiety.

Anything is possible

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Words by Fiona (me) based on an interview with Steph
Photo by Aleksandra Boguslawska on Unsplash

Steph was suffering from PTSD as a result of her work as an paramedic.

She tried a few different things to help herself recover – “I tried lots of different things. I went to a different station to work for a while, I took up a business course and decided to learn about starting a business, and started swimming, but I’d also written a bucket list which I had taken out again to look at. I decided that I was going to pick the biggest, most meaningful thing off my bucket list and and do it”

What Steph picked was walking the 800km Camino Trail. It runs from the just before the border of France right across the north of Spain and is a mountainous pilgrim trail.

Steph was not particularly fit at the time, had severe knee arthritis and anxiety from the ptsd, but she had a year to prepare.

Preparation included sharing her story via Facebook (a public commitment!) and a book she has written, and also raining money for PTSD – specifically the Black Dog Institute.

Eventually the time came to start the walk “As I sat on the bus as it drove across the Alps towards my starting point, I was completely and utterly petrified. Everything in me just wanted to go home. I thought I cannot walk those mountains, I’m alone and I’m not fit enough. There was lots and lots of self talk – you didn’t train enough and that was your own fault, you’re gonna die on those mountains just trying to walk up them, what were you thinking doing this alone.”

Steph then looked up and saw the shepherds bringing their herds down the mountain and had a moment of thought “I can just start where I am. Start with the fitness I’ve got and build it up, be sensible about it, do as much as I can without injuring myself or hurting myself, and in that moment I  remembered why I was doing it and wanted to succeed, I wanted to make it to Santiago de Compostela and enjoy the journey along the way that I had read so much about. I had an image in my head of what it would be like on that final day to walk into the square and see the big Cathedral and know that I’d finished this.

“That became my driving force. I had a couple of nights there in the little town where you start the walk.  I spent the first day exploring and getting my mind in the right space to start the walk the next day. I was terrified to walk on my own, I didn’t know whether it was fully safe, so I rationalized that there are many people who do this walk every year and finish it and they are all different types of people with their own unique reasons for being there. I knew in that moment it was a mind thing more so than my fitness and it had been a long held passion for too long. It was time to make the dream a reality.”

The next day Steph began her 6 week walk. You average about 20km per day and the walk is often metaphorically divided into 3 phases – physical, mental and spiritual.

The first two weeks were the hardest physically. “It was so hard on my body every day. The pain in my knees and feet and trying to breathe walking up the mountains challenged every bit of my will.” Yet Steph persisted and slowly her fitness and endurance built up more and more.

The next 2 weeks were the hardest mentally “My mind kicked in. I started thinking about what I was doing here, about my home, my family and my life and about the PTSD, how long I could keep doing my job and what else could I do. I had been a paramedic so long that I didn’t have any other skills.” Steph describes lots of conflicted thinking and the war of thoughts inside her mind.

Steph was a much slower walker than most of the others on the trail and this meant she walked alone for 95% of the time. This provided a LOT of time to think.

By the end of about 4 weeks of walking she remembers standing on the top of a hill one day, looking back in amazement that she had already walked from as far in the distance as she could see and when she turned around, ahead as far as she could see was the distance still to walk that day. She had 29 days behind her that she had done and was already two thirds of the way through this journey.

A couple of days later was Steph’s nemesis mountain, the one she feared she would not be able to climb. A 9km walk up the highest mountain on the trail, and after 4 weeks of beautiful weather it started to rain and get cold. 3kms into the days walk Steph stopped for a cup of tea at a café, where it would have been so easy to call a taxi to complete the rest of the ascent to the top. She made the decision to continue walking despite the wet and cold, and after a further 3kms at the next town, over a hot chocolate she made that choice again. No taxis required! Steph conquered her nemesis that day.

After that Steph started noticing more of the beauty around her and kept walking every day and after the next 10 rain (and snow!) filled days the sun came back out. The walk had now become a routine and a joy as she found acceptance and awe in what she was able to do. No longer focussed on the things she couldn’t do, the possibility of what lay ahead for her life became exciting and carried her strongly though the remainder of the walk.

On the final day Steph reflected “Walking into that square at the end of an 800 kilometre walk was phenomenal. It was a once in a lifetime thing that you just never imagine a 55 year old female who, as a shift worker has never lived with routine, could do something day after day for 42 days, that was so physically and mentally demanding. I was there and I had done it!

“The beautiful part about it is I came back a completely different person. I came back with a different view of the world and at the lessons I learned in that journey still guide me now.”

I asked Steph what made her keep going on those hard days “I’ve done lots of things in my life where you start and then give up. I did it because I wanted to inspire myself and prove that despite any odds, anything is possible. Through challenging the things that I shouldn’t, wouldn’t or couldn’t do, I want to inspire others to go out into the world and do those things that spark a fire in their minds, even when they think it is impossible.”

Steph still has PTSD but is using her experiences to help others to create and succeed in their own 1 Big Goal.  I have every faith that someone as determined as she is will work it out!

A Do-Over

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Words by Rhea
Image by me (Fiona)

Have you ever wanted a do-over?

Rhea took advantage of a second shot at University to do just that!

Please see below Rhea’s answers to my questions about her experience.

Tell me about a time you stepped out of your comfort zone?

In 2015 I re-entered University to get a second shot at my first year. A series of crises in the previous year forced me to take an unexpected hiatus, but since most people don’t get do-overs and second chances, I decided to use it as an opportunity to better myself and grow out of this shy persona I had cultivated for myself. I privately made a resolution to myself that I was going to initiate a conversation with at least 5 people and try to exchange phone numbers. 

Why did you do it?

Back in high-school, I found myself getting increasingly shyer and it was beginning to cripple me. It slowly began to erode my self-confidence and affected how I presented myself. I walked hunched over with my head down, arms crossed over my chest and with my voice thin to a permanent whisper. I wanted to take the first steps to improve myself, and since University was a fresh start, I thought that was the perfect opportunity. I realize now that this manner of presenting myself was just a reflection of the inner turmoil I was experiencing.

What was the outcome?

It was not only a big step for me that made me feel accomplished, but it got easier each time. It was through that experience that I met my longstanding best friend through Uni, Beth. Of course, much of the relationships I initially began fizzled out naturally. But since I was able to initiate far more than the 5 that I set out to do, I was able to meet so many people and begin many new friendships.

How did you feel before, during and after?

Before taking the very first step, I was obviously afraid. The thought of being soundly rejected repeated itself in my head and initially made my anxiety much worse. But I pushed through anyways. I started small, practicing putting myself at ease in conversation, not answering with one-word answers and asking follow-ups that would continue conversation. Most importantly, when a conversation was cut off short and those feelings of rejection began creeping up, I reminded myself not to take it personally and just continue accomplishing my goal. It got easier to do as time went on because whenever anxiety started rearing its ugly head, I simply reminded myself of all the times I was successful, and that voice of doubt was immediately disproven. After all was said and done, I felt immensely proud of myself. I was proud of the fact that I was able to see something in myself and—rather than beat myself up for it— work to improve it.  

Would you step out of your comfort zone again? Why? (Or why not?)

I would absolutely do it again. I still consider myself quite shy, even though a lot of people think of me as confident. I’ve found the feedback I’ve gotten quite reaffirming as well. My ultimate goal in life is to be absolutely fearless and try most things that scare me, and there’s no way to accomplish that without stepping out of my comfort zone every now and then. I even managed to take the stage to sing for some open mic nights during University. That isn’t something I’d come close to doing had I not taken that initial small step.

What did you learn from being out of your comfort zone?

The experience taught me that many of my fears were overblown. Even if I did experience the “downsides” like rejection, it wasn’t as bad as my imagination made it seem and I’d feel much worse never having tried. Not trying felt like giving up on myself and reaffirmed that negative perception I had of myself. Stepping out of my comfort zone was my way of telling myself that I fundamentally don’t believe my negative qualities exist and that I know I’m fully capable of trying at the very least. 

What advice would you give to someone considering stepping out of their comfort zone?

Break up a big goal into small steps. If your resolution is to do a standup routine on open mic night, think of all the smaller skills that entails: being able to speak in crowds, being able to deliver your thoughts confidently, thinking on your feet, not taking bombing personally. Building up these smaller skills will make accomplishing the next thing you set out to do much easier, and it culminates in the ability to conquer larger tasks that used to faze you.

Rhea Henry now works as a copy writer for sites like Rank-It.ca and hopes to someday publish her own work.

The breath of fresh air

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Image by me (Fiona)
Words by me based on an interview with Valerie

Valerie finds that outside of her comfort zone is where you feel the wonder of new beginnings.

In early 2020 Valerie was at the pinnacle of her career in marketing and advertising – the chief marketing officer. This was a role achieved as part of 20 years in the industry, and something Valerie was very comfortable doing.

Then the pandemic hit and Valerie lost her job.

Shortly after that a friend contacted her “do you know a speaker or anybody who can help us understand Facebook, understand the digital space, understand this new world because we all were forced to go virtual?”

Valerie initially recommended a few people. But they were outside her friend’s budget.

So she volunteered her own services!

While this sort of training was new to Valerie, she had the mindset, the experience and her NLP training to call on.

Not that she didn’t have second thoughts. With 300 people to train she initially was not sure what she was going to say to them!

Valerie thinks her friend was actually hoping she would offer.

Fast forward a year and Valerie has trained over 3500 people from all over the world!

This was not the first or last time Valerie stepped outside her comfort zone – she was the first of her friends to work overseas, and she chose Cambodia instead of the more popular Singapore to do that. That was a year well out of her comfort zone with no knowledge of the language, and a very different lifestyle that included not even owning a mirror!

She also dated online well before it was commonplace. She married her partner in a private ceremony “we just we just exchanged vows and I gave our family and friends messages and poems to share with us and that was it. Of course I’m biased but it connected us to our family and it connected us to our friends.”

Valerie has advice for others thinking about stepping out of their comfort zone “Mel Robbins has this NLP technique when you count 54321. When you count backwards your brain shifts from being emotional (being afraid, feeling like you can’t do this) to the executive function, your cognitive brain. This makes you more logical.

“So 54321 you count and then you hit the button! You just start with your commit – you share with the world, you share on your facebook so that you’re on the hook and you just do it.”

Wonderful advice Valerie!

Valerie Fischer helps online business owners increase revenue growth with Brain Science Selling. You can find out more about her at her Facebook page or website www.valeriefischer.net.

Putting Yourself First

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Image by me (Fiona)
Story by me, based on an interview with Niki

Niki’s story had a real impact on me. It gave me a perspective I had not considered. And it changed my behaviour.

Niki’s story starts with her getting a beautiful new puppy recently. A German Shepherd called Lexi.

When Niki began socialising Lexi at a local park, she discovered many people were comfortable having their dogs off the lead, despite it not being a leash free area. But Niki was not.

When her daughter was about 7, she suffered a serious dog bite that required emergency surgery.  “And it was so intense that by the time I carried her from the car to emergency, they didn’t know if I needed help or she did because of the amount of blood loss. ‘Cause anything in the face is big, you know, and we didn’t realize at this stage that it had ripped her ear in half as well.”

Getting a new puppy, with her razor sharp teeth, triggered some fear. But it was going to the park with strange dogs running towards her that triggered post-traumatic stress.

But what made Niki really uncomfortable was having to ask strangers to change their behaviour to accommodate her needs.

“It is a really challenging thing to do because it’s going against what you normally believe about how you should behave or how you should act or things you should say. Because it’s about thinking about yourself. I needed to do this for me.”

Niki had to find the right way to tell her story as some people responded aggressively to her request.

“People just take it for granted that it’s OK to have their dogs off leads and one of the reasons that it is not is because accidents happen, and dogs do bite. And just because you’re comfortable and you know your dog, that’s great, and that’s fine in a leash free zone. But when it’s a park area with kids playing, and you let your dog run through, that’s really unfair to other people.”

Niki went on to talk about her reflections about her comfort zone as a result of having to ask others to please leash their dogs. “And I think the comfort zone thing is about understanding. The radius of comfort around you when you’re comfortable is quite big, but when there’s trauma or pain it is very tight. It took almost everything I had within me to articulate: I can’t cope, this is hurting. This is feeling really traumatic and then it made me think how many other times have I adjusted my radius or my comfort zone just to accommodate other people?”

The reason Niki was able to push through this time was because her daughter was also distressed by the situation, “because this meant so much to my daughter, I thought what a perfect thing to kick start for me that I need to start realizing I shouldn’t be adjusting my radius. I just need to find the right language to say this is at the end of my radius of comfort.”

I am personally really pleased to say that 9 out of 10 people responded well to Niki’s request to leash their dogs. Though I do wish it was 10!

One lesson Niki took from this experience is that it is ok to put yourself first! This was a huge lesson for her and has carried into all aspects of her life. “I was able to bring it into a work context. Someone made me feel uncomfortable in a work meeting and I was able to call it out. ‘I don’t know if you realize your passion is spilling across as aggression, so can you just clarify for me because it hit my radius [of comfort]?’”. The response she received was thanks – the person involved had not intended their passion to come across that way.

Niki has a special message to finish with today – she asked me to let all the other people who have shared their stories via this blog know that they touch people’s lives. It was reading all the stories that empowered Niki to speak up. And motivated her to share this story with you.

Thank you Niki!

My fight with lava

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Words by Karen Tisdell – my guest blogger today
Photo by Vadim Sadovski on Unsplash

Tell me about your LinkedIn journey from the start to where you are now.

I was an early adopter of LinkedIn, using it as a recruiter. In 2009, I went on maternity leave. I was considered an ‘old’ mum at 35 but was desperate for children. My husband and I didn’t have a plan for when I’d go back to work, and it was a shock to him when, after just a few months, I was ready.

My husband’s mother is house-proud. She keeps her home spotless – it was what he grew up with. My husband was disappointed that polishing his shoes and vacuuming wasn’t what I lived for and even more appalled at the thought of putting our tiny baby (a delicate little thing that struggled with weight gain) into care.

My frustration grew until one day, I told the truth. I shared my struggles with a friend, confessing that I wasn’t satisfied with staying home. Her suggestion was to combine my aptitude for writing with my knowledge of LinkedIn. I’ve been a champion of the platform since the old days, seeing it as a place where you could pull clients to you and build mutually beneficially relationships.

I took her advice and set about getting clients.

Of course, like every good story, it wasn’t easy. My husband was reluctant. It would be unfair to call him unsupportive – he once spent a whole weekend building me a website. I didn’t have any say in the design and refused to use it. I wanted to pay for a professional site, but he wouldn’t hear it.

Our family was going through it, too. My husband travelled a lot and wasn’t able to be the most hands-on father and I didn’t make that any easier for him by wanting everything my way. I became pregnant three more times, miscarrying at 11 weeks and losing another baby at six months. It was a very difficult time.

The challenges didn’t take me away from my side business. They drew me in deeper. I had something that was all mine, and that kept me strong.

Now in hindsight, I can see that not having financial backing was a positive thing. I invested hours and hours on LinkedIn, learning, building relationships with people that could refer clients to me, and anything else that didn’t cost a cent. You know, that’s what I really love about LinkedIn. It’s equitable – an even playing field. People like me have the same space as Richard Branson. There’s so much power in that. I’m proof of it.

Fast-forward to today, and I am now one of the few people who write LinkedIn profiles in Australia – even the world. The others are marketing people that dabble in LinkedIn or career coaches that think a profile is like a resume – which it absolutely isn’t!

I’ve earned an excellent reputation as a LinkedIn profile writer. It’s my specialty. I am also a sought-after LinkedIn trainer and speaker. I’m not turning over millions, but I’m doing well. I’ve held on to my family (my husband and I are happier than ever) and grown my business.

When did you realise your business had the potential to go full time?

I love being a mum, and I didn’t want a rigid nine-to-five. My work had to fit around my children – not the other way around. My business has never been full- or part-time, rather anytime and all the time!

Early on, I planned around those 20 minutes my daughters were napping. I’d work with razor-sharp focus, turning the whole world off. It’s a skill I’m grateful for today.

When my kids were toddlers, I’d take them to play cafes, the ones with ball pits and playgrounds. They’d wear themselves out, and I’d be pounding away on the keyboard. I’d even meet clients there, something that was perhaps a little weird for them. You can hardly hear yourself think in those places, but I learnt to tune it all out – except for the sound of my children crying.

I even gave up watching TV. I wanted to go to bed at the same time as my children so I could wake up at 4.30 am and work. You’ve got to give up some things – I touch on that more HERE. This was hard on my husband. He likes staying up late and sleeping in. We barely saw each other for years. Our lives have changed a lot since COVID, and while it has been so devastating for so many, I’ve loved having my husband home during the day.

My mother-in-law would also come and stay for about one week out of the year. I plan around this, cram my diary full, and meet as many clients as possible. I didn’t send my kids to daycare for years. It really taught me the value of time.

My hours have grown alongside my daughters’ independence, although I draw the line at meeting clients outside of school hours. I’ve done the math, and I clock about 45.5 hours per week: an hour in the morning while the girls are asleep, six while they are at school, an hour in the evening while supervising homework or in the car while they are at music lessons, and on the weekend, two hours while they are at golf, one while at swimming, one and a half while at tennis, and one precious hour before the house wakes up on Sunday.

It may sound like a busy schedule and I have a lot of time for friends. But I love what I do almost to a fault. And to contextualise, I don’t write profiles every hour of my working week. I’m also responding to questions, crafting content, sending invitations to connect, being a guest on podcasts, or writing for others’ publications. It’s all good stuff – except accounts.

There’s not a bone in my body passionate about the accounts. Money isn’t my main focus, though I am proud to bring in what I do. I’m motivated more by a compulsion to give, to help others, even those that can’t afford my services. It’s almost addictive, and maybe that’s not healthy. But aside from gardening with a podcast or camping beachside with my family (UNO, boogie boarding, long walks, campfires, marshmallows, and burnt sausages – bliss), there are few things I’d rather do.

What mistakes did you make in the early days of your entrepreneurial journey?

When I had a bit of money to spend, I spent it all wrong. I should have invested in a website, but instead, I paid for prettily designed brochures, with comp slips and branded Christmas cards. I wanted to be a high-touch business, so I went all out: expensive paper, raised fonts, the whole wedding invitation shebang. Now I know better. Paper is antiquated. How ridiculous for me to think I needed it. It was only recently I tossed them into the recycling bin.

Another big mistake: trying to be all things to all people. I’m a recovering people pleaser, and I did whatever I could to make my clients happy. I often suffered scope-creep as I gave away far more time than I got paid for.

Pricing was another big one. I researched what part-timers in the suburbs earned and tried to pay myself that amount. Tried. In truth, I was grateful for any money at all. $15/hour. For the first eight years or so, I was blinded by my genuine LOVE for writing profiles. Even as a kid, I wanted to write peoples’ life stories – not as a biographer but an autobiographer. I wanted to be them, live through them. I love the dramatic arts but am a terrible over-actor. Profiles allow me to step into people’s worlds, if only for a few hours.

Anyway, the short of it is, getting paid felt wrong. My husband showed me the value of my work and my time. He was resentful of my business. He thought I was spending too much time on something that contributed so little financially to our family. I finally listened to him, and it saved both my business and my marriage.

What are the key components to your success?

Number one: I am extremely resilient. Tenacious. I don’t give up.

I’m also serious about my habits and routines. Time is precious to me and I’m careful how I spend each and every hour.

Finally, I am willing to listen to others. I’ve learnt so much from my clients, who have shared business advice with me over the years. I do wish I’d listened to my husband earlier. It took too long for me to understand his perspective. I’m glad I didn’t lose him because of my myopic vision and love of what I do.

What are three top tips that you would share with someone starting out on their own entrepreneurial journey?

One: develop great habits. Work practices can reduce decision fatigue, making your life easier. Be sure to regularly assess if your routines are effective.

Two: be grateful – but not too grateful. I think what stopped me from valuing my time (and charging accordingly) was an excess of gratitude. I was so thankful to every client, for every dollar. Gratitude is, of course, essential – I believe it can save you from depression. But it can also mean you put up with things you maybe oughtn’t to.

Three: invest in a business coach and the app Blinkist, which allows you to listen or read a full book in 20 minutes. If you can, a business coach is ideal. I didn’t have one – I self-educated. But I did write profiles for many successful business owners and coaches, so I asked (and continue to ask) them about things I was struggling with, as I did with you Fiona. Sometimes you don’t know what to ask, and that’s why a business coach can be invaluable.

About Karen:

Struggling to capture your vast experience, skills and stories in your LinkedIn profile? It is hard to write about yourself, isn’t it? Call me on 📱 0404 083 678 and I can take away the pain, save you time, and guarantee your professional success with a done-for-you LinkedIn profile writing service that includes coaching on using LinkedIn.

I became a LinkedIn profile writer because I am fascinated with people’s stories. Always have been. In my former career as a recruiter I used to weave stories into resumes to ensure candidates were selected for interview. Foreseeing that being memorable online would become increasingly important, in 2009 I left recruitment to launch my own business. I have since helped countless senior leaders and business owners achieve their goals.

The results have been spectacular. I’ve witnessed my clients secure new roles because of their profile (in one instance with a 35% pay increase), attract new business, secure investors, and improve how their peers see them. All because of how they are perceived here…