Category: Learning New Skills
Coaching Vlog #23
Familiarity breeds confidence
Words by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Sam
Sam followed his passion right out of his comfort zone.
The benefit – getting into the NIDA Actors Studio, a 12-month professional acting program – was worth it. But first there was an audition!
“I’ve never auditioned for anything before. So, that was really out of my comfort zone. The whole row of people waiting to be auditioned in a small studio by two professional industry people, one director and one actress. I had to do two monologues.
“I felt really nervous. I thought ‘What am I doing?’ Like, what the hell am I doing? I don’t belong here. I should get out of here. I want to run out the doors. But I think what stops me from doing that is the fact that I did the preparation. And I’m sure in my head of what I’m going to do when they call my name. I think that’s the key. I think if you want to do something that’s outside your comfort zone, you don’t just go and do it. You actually have to prepare for it, you prepare for it and you prepare well. So when you come to do it, you can execute with precision and with all of the preparation that you have done whilst also being prepared to respond in the moment.”
Sam steps out of his comfort zone regularly in order to follow his passions. He is doing more public speaking. He did a play in December, completed a voiceover for a short documentary about loneliness and recently finished shooting a short film, soon to be playing at film festivals throughout Australia. Acting he particularly enjoys as a way of learning about human behaviour “You learn new things about yourself. And you learn new things about other people as well. From an acting perspective, you learn a lot about human behaviour. Because when you’re getting into a role you begin to learn about that character, what the character will do and think, how he responds to different situations, what’s at stake if he doesn’t get what he wants, and you just want to portray that character truthfully within the given circumstances of the text. So when you do that, you have to do a lot of research into human behaviour types, and all kinds of other things. And that just helps you understand not only yourself, but other people.”
Sam also found another benefit of stepping out of his comfort zone – he found himself with a different group of people and made lifelong friends, people he would not have met if he had not taken that step.
Sam had this advice for people thinking about stepping out of their comfort zone “Familiarity breeds confidence. So if there’s something you want to do, just get into it, start reading about it, start arming yourself with knowledge, become familiar with the process and how it works. And I think the more you do that, the more it reinforces your drive to do it. And that’s a virtuous circle, I think you might call it. And I think that’s the key you don’t just go into something blind. When you see great performances on the stage or on the screen, or when you see great talks at meetups, when you see great meetings, planning days and stuff executed, people don’t just rock up and do it. There’s a tonne of preparation that goes into these things. So it’s all about familiarising yourself with what needs to be done and having fun and discovering new things in the process.”
“And also I think having an understanding that even if you fail, whatever that definition is for you. well, actually, you’ve learned something right? And you keep iterating and you go in again and you do it, you go in again, you do it.”
And Sam’s final words were a pretty awesome summary of his approach to stepping outside of your comfort zone: “Get a parachute. Make sure you know how to use it. And then jump.”
Coaching vlog #22
In today’s coaching vlog I talk about having a job still, my new assignment and the lesson I learned about how all the practices connect.
Equine assisted Learning!
So why would a person who was terrified of horses agree to partake in a session of equine assisted learning?
“Really to understand what she did. And I’ve seen some posts on LinkedIn from a couple of other people I know who’d been up to Kinglake, and came back. And the stuff that surfaced, just in terms of your communication style, and your leadership style made me want to do it.”
So what did it involve?
“Karen Ostenried runs a program of equine assisted learning. She uses horses for team building, leadership programs, and all sorts of awesome stuff and she invited me and my partner up to see what she does.
“As a child, I had a very unfortunate experience with a horse. And I’ve got this fear of horses.
“Even before we went up there Karen said I could stay outside the arena, I didn’t need to go in – everybody has their comfort zone. So, on that basis, I said, Okay, let’s go.
So up we went to King Lake. And we did stand outside the arena.
“We had a bit of prep first and we stood outside the arena. And Karen introduced us to Duke who’s pretty tall. So she introduced us from afar and I watched, and then she told me and showed us what we’re going to be doing and just really eased us into a sense of a feeling of comfort, if you like.
“then we went into then we went into the arena and she gave us some brushes. With a bit of a trepidation I to started to brush Duke, who was quite happy! So it was nothing to fear really. Then she taught us how to recognize the body language of the horse. Duke had become part of our team. We had to take Duke with us to overcome problems and challenges. It was all like these obstacle courses set up on the in the arena that we had to take Duke through with us as a team.
“It was a big step up by set aside my comfort zone for me, but I think I was able to do it. I was very surprised by how far I got!
“I was amazed at the end of it, but I think I was able to do it because it was done in baby steps. It wasn’t a big jump. If Karen had opened the door to that arena and said, right, come on in and grab hold of Duke I don’t think I would have moved. I was able to succeed because there was coaching and support throughout to get to the point.”
One of the lessons Karen took out was that when leading Duke, if she looked back she confused him! She had to keep looking and moving forward to have him follow her. It was about setting clear direction for your team.
At this point I must be honest, I am keen to see how I can participate in Equine Assisted learning!
But I stayed focused and asked Karen about what drives her to step out of her comfort zone. “I think it helps you grow as a person. And I think if we never step out of our comfort zone, nothing will ever change. It’s just inertia. So I’m very much all about that growth mindset. You know about development, learning and growing. And there’s never a point at which you can’t be better at something or you can’t improve the way you lead or coach or whatever it might be or you can improve your communication skills. So I think it’s all about that learning and getting better. And when you are better at something and more comfortable with it, that’s when your comfort zone is growing. And I think it just enables you to do more and more.”
Thank you, Karen, for sharing your amazing experience!
The link to the EAL experience is: https://the-matanya-effect.com.au/
SUP!
Photo by Krzysztof Kowalik on Unsplash
You may have realised by now I rarely say no to trying something new. But a friend who I visit twice a year has asked a few times about me trying Stand Up Paddleboarding (SUP) with her and while I have never said no, I never jumped at the chance either. I am not sure why, but I felt like I would be really bad at it. This last visit was different. I said yes!
Firstly, I kayaked while my friend SUP’d. And got a great workout while having loads of fun! Then on day 2 we arranged for me to borrow a SUP, a nice big, stable one and off we went.
I was given the option of kneeling but chose to try and stand, with her holding the board. I wobbled. I knelt. I squatted. I did something vaguely resembling a downward dog. And repeated that cycle a few times. Eventually I stood!
And started paddling carefully.
We were in a creek, with only a light breeze. I headed off, slowly and carefully. With occasional tips about my arm position and technique. I must confess that despite being told more than once that the paddle was my friend to help stabilise me it never felt that way!
Then my feet got sore. I was gripping the board with them. My friend suggested I move them a little. And suddenly I was back on my knees! I am not sure what process my brain went through, but apparently even the thought of moving my feet panicked me! But I didn’t fall off 😊
We paddled across to the far bank, with me staying on my knees. Then cut back across to get out of the breeze. The day was mildly warm, the view was amazing, and my friend was so stable she had a drink on the front of her board! It was delightful.
At the turn around point I decided I wanted to try standing again. Without my friend to stabilise my board. There was a replay of the kneel, squat, downward dog, kneel cycle a few times before I finally managed to get myself upright again. I was so proud!!
I stood for about half the trip, kneeling when the breeze picked up.
I loved SUP. But I think I will try kayaking again, I felt a lot more stable sitting down!!
Coaching Vlog #20
Driven by a great idea!
Words by Fiona based on an interview with Kirby
What do you do when you have a great idea, driven by a need you have, but making that concept a reality means stepping outside your comfort zone?
In Kirby’s case you do your research and go for it!
Boxi came from a real need, “my son has allergies to three different food groups. And I had a challenge as soon as he started to eat solid food, I’d have to take food absolutely everywhere he went, he couldn’t have anything that was packaged. I was taking lots of food in little tiny containers in a bag, but I’d lose the lids or I’d have mismatched lids. And then I found a really cute little bento style lunch box which I loved but I would have to put it in another bag with an icepack and it was a bag external to the bag that I’d have to take everywhere.
“Anyway, that’s what I started thinking about. Maybe I should make a lunch box because I couldn’t actually find one at the time. That was a bento style lunch box where I could compartmentalise the food and keep it cool at the same time. And that’s how it all started really.”
Everything but the marketing was out of Kirby’s comfort zone! She has a degree in communications, but started by Googling ‘how to make a product’ and going from there!
One of the hardest things for Kirby was asking for advice. But once she reached out she found that people were willing to share their own knowledge and experiences. She reached out to someone who she knew had run a successful kickstarter campaign, and also a person who had won a design award. Kirby had been worried they would ignore her or even say no, but instead found amazing help and support!
And yes, Kirby is now helping people who have reached out to her for advice!
Kirby did have setbacks – including a significant investor falling through just as she was about to get started. But she just knew she had a great product. “I got my first prototype sorted before I launched it to the public. And I showed it to a lot of people and I got my friends to take my prototype and show their friends so it was unbiased feedback. And I think the fact that I knew that this product was good and there was nothing like it on the market. That is one thing that has driven me plus, by the time I had that first prototype, which was this time last year, I really felt like I can’t turn back now!”
Kirby is comfortable with change, but is not a big risk taker. So her advice to others considering a similar move is to research! She is happy to take calculated risks, where the pay off is worth it. And is more willing now to do things (like talk to me!) that she would never had agreed to in the past. She still fights a fear of failure, but was given some great advice to “take longer to make a decision on the big decisions”. She realised that it is ok to take a week to get back to someone if she needs that time to be confident in her answer.
In Kirby’s words: “Do it. And don’t wait too long either. I feel like I sat on this idea for too long before I took any action because I was too scared of failing.
“Do your research. Reach out to people who are a year or two years ahead of you in their journey and just learn from their mistakes or learn from their experience so that you can build a relationship with them.
“So I just say go for it. Don’t wait too long. Get the right advice from the professionals, lawyers, engineers, whoever it is that you need. Do your research, use Google! And just go for it. I mean, really, at the end of the day, if this does fail, which is not going to, but if it does, I gave it a go.”
Great advice, and thank you Kirby for giving it a go!
Find out more about Boxi at https://www.boxi.com.au/pages/about-us
DDIY – or Don’t Do It Yourself
Words by me (Fiona)
My goal for the summer break was to convert my exes ‘man cave’ into my ‘she-shed’. This involved emptying, cleaning, acid staining the floor, sealing the floor, painting the walls and moving my gym equipment in. And I had 2 weeks. And all within my skill set (or so I thought).
It started well with a trip to the tip and a new power washer to clean the concrete floor. The acid stain (actually an ethanol or methanol (I forget which) based one) was sprayed on. And I waited with excitement for my floor to turn a lovely teal. 4-6 hours they said. I waited 8 hours before realising the lime levels in my concrete were obviously too low to activate much colour. I had more pale than bright teal. But onwards I went, the option of paying more money to dye the concrete (without guaranteed results) was tempting but I resisted. It is ‘only a shed’ became a mantra.
I did my first coat of seal and visited often as it dried. Patchy. But I had a second coat to go!
I also learned something at this stage – do not seal your concrete floor in bare feet – any seal you walk in will seal the dirt to the soles of your feet for several days!
I applied the second coat (in boots and gloves), trying to make sure the non-shiny parts got more paint. It dried. Patchy. I reminded myself that it is only a shed. It would be fine. About this time, I looked at the curing time – 7 days and I was closing in on my second week of leave! I planned to paint the walls on day 3 (90% cured) before moving the gym into the she-shed on day 8 (a couple of days before going back to work).
Then I looked at the floor again the next day, and the next. And did a third coat of seal. I’ll be honest, it is still patchy. But it is only a shed. I refuse to do a 4th coat.
The delayed painting day arrived. Not something I have done much of. I stirred my paint, lay down plastic drop sheets, with some old towels as extra protection. I found a roller and tray that fit. I used a brush to cut in one panel of the wall and started rolling. Paint went on the wall. And on me. The screws I had chosen not to remove meant more brushwork. Some rolled parts were patchy (theme?) and some had so much paint they dripped. Lines appeared from the edge of the roller. This was not going well! I stepped back to contemplate my technique and how to fix it… onto the edge of my paint tray! Thankfully I only clipped it and it didn’t spill. But it did tear my drop sheet. And finish my journey into painting walls. I was done!
I logged onto airtasker. I will skim over the next 36 hours other than to say that sometimes I am too trusting and the person who accepted my job and then delayed for over 24 hours (with legitimate sounding excuses) before no longer responding to me did not deserve that faith that people try to do the right thing. I was played. (Will I ever understand the pleasure someone gets from doing stuff like that? Probably not.)
Fast forward to lunch time the next day and a different person is out there painting the walls… He showed up 😊. He may have been (self-confessed) the worlds slowest painter, but by 2am I was driving him to the station and the walls were done. OK, so my acid stain spray technique may mean that there are teal patches bleeding through on most of the lower parts of the walls… but it was done!
Lucky it is ‘only a shed’!
Genuine Confidence
Story by Fiona based on an interview with Beresford
So how do you go from being a really shy kid to wanting to speak in an auditorium? Beresford has taken that very path!
As an example of Beresford’s starting point, at about age 20 he was the best man at his cousins wedding, and as we all know part of the best man role is to give a speech. Despite preparing his speech, and knowing his cousin quite well, Beresford “just froze and I couldn’t even open my mouth. I just stood there, and it seemed endless. I just didn’t say anything. In the end I ended up saying ‘the bridesmaids look good’. And I walked off. Those are the only words that came out of my mouth. And it was really embarrassing.”
At this point many people would just decide public speaking was not for them! But Beresford was motivated to improve. His dad was an excellent and sought after public speaker – both rehearsed and off the cuff. After some research it was suggested that Beresford try Toastmasters. And a mere 15-20 years later he joined.
Through Toastmasters Beresford has not just gained confidence, but also skill. His first speech “didn’t come out the way I wanted it to, it was kind of bland. There wasn’t a lot of energy.”
Beresford is working on bringing out his personality more when he speaks, he is motivated to keep getting better and better at public speaking, as well as his goal to speak to an audience of over 1000 people.
Part of the motivation for Beresford, aside from wanting to improve himself, is to help other people develop as well. “I’m one of the mentors for the Melbourne University programme. I’m one of the panel members, helping young people develop their capabilities and skills. It’s not only for myself, but it’s also for others that I try to share my knowledge.”
Beresford also spoke to me about how building his confidence in public speaking has made him more confident to take on other challenges.
In 2019 Beresford was one of the new Ways of Working coaches at Telstra, a role you had to put in an expression of interest for. “Being a coach involves changing people’s mindset. Which is not easy to do. It’s a different aspect of your confidence, because previously it’s being confident to go up and speak in front of a group of people, but now it’s actually speaking to a person individually, and changing that person’s mindset.
“The way I’ve handled things in the past was someone’s got their mindset, and I just told them what my opinions are. And it’s up to them to change if they wanted to. But now being in the Agile ways of working, and the company has gone in a certain direction, it’s more that I have to make sure they are moving in that direction.”
The rewards of coaching can also be more delayed than giving a speech – one example Beresford gave me was working with someone for 6 weeks before having a breakthrough “After six weeks, they said ‘oh yeah, I can start to see the benefits. Now even though we are building code, we can still talk to our colleagues every day for about 15 minutes. And at least try and understand what the blockers are and we can remove those blockers’”.
Beresford had an interesting take away from that experience “And what I realised was, if you tell someone once, it kind of goes in one ear and out the other. But if you keep telling them the same thing, they start to believe it. So, if I tell someone, ‘you’re an idiot’? First time, it’s just goes in and out. But if I keep telling them the same thing over and over again, they start to believe it.” Makes you think about what messages we are putting out there.
Confidence was a common theme throughout Beresford’s chat with me, but he also talked about being genuine. “People need to be able to trust you. Because you can have all the confidence in the world, right? If you go to a car yard, the car salesman has got a lot of confidence, but I don’t trust them. So you may have the confidence but you still have to be genuine. People can pick that up pretty easily.”
If you are considering stepping out of your comfort zone, Beresford has some advice for you: “Know your weaknesses and don’t procrastinate – commit!”
About Beresford:
Beresford is a fellow Ways of Working coach at Telstra. He is also passionately involved at Toastmasters