My first steps and a lot of thinking!
A new stage of my journey, learning more about professional coaching and looking for my first client!
I’m a crier.
We call it the ‘Symington crying gene’ in our family as it most definitely comes from my mum’s family. My mum and siblings, aunts, uncles and several cousins all have it too.
I cry for many reasons; most strong emotions bring me to tears to be honest. Joy, sadness, frustration, anger to name a few.
I have been known to cry watching ads.
I once cried so hard reading a book that the person who found me sobbing thought I had lost a family member.
Over my 50 years I have learned to own my tears, it is part of my heritage, and a sign that I care passionately. Even at work I accept that sometimes I am moved to tears.
The crying scenario where I am still uncomfortable is when they are tears of empathy. I am the person sobbing at a funeral of an acquaintance. The person who cries when someone else cries. Even if they are a stranger.
I feel that my tears take attention away from person experiencing the strong emotion. And the more I try to hide the tears the more the focus comes to me.
But there is nothing I can do. In rare cases I can delay my tears, but not often.
So, I am learning to own those tears too. To not hide, to not apologise. To not explain.
It is hard, and makes me very uncomfortable.
But feeling strongly enough to shed tears is not something I want to be ashamed of.
When I decided to get a puppy, I did not realise just how far out of my comfort zone I was about to step!
My experiences of puppies were one we had when I was 12, and my friends’ dogs.
But how hard could it be?
The discomfort started when I googled preparing for a new puppy… the lists were endless! And then the lists started contradicting each other.
With less than 2 weeks’ notice of her arrival, and retail being online only, I had to shop virtually. And hope for fast delivery!
A week before Daisy arrived, I was completely overwhelmed. I had so much information and advice my brain was swimming. And my stress levels sky rocketed. I could not make a decision and stick to it.
So, I reached out to a friend who fosters dogs and puppies. We went through each decision together and I made a plan. No crate, sleeping in the bathroom, not getting up to her during the night.
I felt immediately better.
There were some laughs as the many deliveries arrived – an 18kg bag of puppy food is a lot in case you were wondering! And nearly everything was delivered before she was.
Then she arrived. A bundle of delight. I was immediately in love, and the feeling seemed mutual.
The first 24 hours were hard. She climbed out of her play pen within the first hours. I dropped it when moving it and scared her, she hid in the corner behind a chair, and my heart hurt. She didn’t wee on the grass despite how long I stood there with her saying ‘toilet’ in many different tones of voice. You can’t praise her for doing the right thing if she doesn’t do it!
Then there was socialisation – in lockdown and before her second vaccination. I read how critical the 8 – 12 week window was for introducing other people and dogs. But how could I manage it?
I will be honest, the morning after she arrived, I went for a walk, alone, and cried. I felt like I was doing everything wrong.
But Daisy loves cuddles, and some of her many toys.
And then she wee’d on the grass and was so happy when I praised her that she did it again. And again.
Some friends that I walked with brought over vaccinated dogs to interact. A neighbour let me introduce her to her kids.
Then came her first night without an ‘accident’ to clean up come morning.
And her pure joy as she ran towards me after chasing around the yard.
Her falling asleep snuggled against me.
And I realised that together we were learning. About what worked and didn’t work for us.
And that was ok.
For the past 6 months or so I have been regularly feeding a female magpie – I call her Mags or Maggie.
We chat, well I chat and she sings.
Some days she comes inside for a wander, others I sit outside while she eats.
She will sometimes come multiple times a day, despite me only feeding her once. For a bit of singing and chatting.
It all started with me learning that a magpie you feed will never swoop you. So I started feeding the ones in my backyard. Mags kept coming back. And to stop her tapping on the glass while I work (to get my attention) I started opening the door. And she started wandering in.
She doesn’t come by every day, but we have built a level of trust.
A trust that may be damaged when my new puppy, Daisy, arrives next week.
I wonder what the odds are of my puppy and magpie becoming friends?
Zero? 0.1%?
I can always hope.
Did you know that some of my early blog interviews were done via email?
I can’t imagine doing that now.
But at the time it was my alternative to an in-person interview.
And people quite liked the option of writing their considered answers.
What was missing was the connection I feel when interviewing someone. Hearing the story behind the words. Hearing the passion in their voice, or watching their face light up.
Also missing was the ability to ask different questions, to gain clarity on a point or even change direction.
Having said that, I have no regrets about doing written interviews. I probably would have had less people willing to be interviewed in those early days without that option. And they were also much easier for me to write up! No need to interpret the voice to text conversion.
I think that often in life and work we do things a certain way for a variety of reasons, then as we learn and grow, we change our approach.
Even my in-person interview technique has evolved.
Through trying to pick my words out of the quotes of my interviewee I learned to listen with my body not my mouth!
I learned that direct eye contact makes it hard for some people to feel comfortable sharing, so looking away from them can be better, and I learned to take my cue from the interviewee.
Discovering that some of the best stories come from asking for more about a point that was made instead of just moving to my next question meant that I listened harder for those gems.
My own reactions sometimes have to be stifled – especially my tendency to ponder on what was just said to me while the poor interviewee waits for my next question!
And I learned that a good interview and a good coaching session have a lot in common!
I hope my blogs have been improving as I get better at interviewing – my goal is to do justice to the amazing stories that are shared with me.
I talk about my summary of achievements for the quarter and a meeting where the group I coach made my heart sing with their enthusiasm for improvement.
I often get asked about writing this blog – how I got started, why I got started, how I find people to interview.
So today I am going to write about some of those things.
I started the blog due to several questions that all led to a blog being the answer.
Firstly, I was on the possible redundancy list at work and someone on LinkedIn suggested that if I lost my job, I could go on the speaking circuit talking about agile and software testing. I was horrified! Not at public speaking, that appealed, but at talking about software testing which I had only recently moved on from after years of trying to move in a different direction. That got me thinking about what I could talk about. The only thing I felt passionate enough about at the time was (you guessed it!) ‘stepping out of your comfort zone’. But I didn’t think there would be an audience.
Secondly, I had some time off after some surgery and did a lot of reading. This included some books by Dorie Clark on networking for introverts as well as ways of standing out from the crowd – they included blogging as a way of making a name for yourself and asking people to be interviewed as a way of networking. But again, I had no subject to write about.
The last pieces of the puzzle came together in a conversation after a Christmas BBQ in 2018. A friend who was on the public speaking circuit himself told me that there would most definitely be an audience for the topic of ‘stepping out of your comfort zone’. We also discussed that writing a blog would give me content for speaking as well as a level of being an ‘authority’ on the topic.
Out of those events the thought came to me: ‘What if I wrote a blog about stepping out of your comfort zone, and instead of just my own stories I asked others to share theirs?’
My first step was to ask people if I they would share their stories. And was blown away by the number of people who said yes – keeping in mind that at this stage the blog did not exist! I also wrote a few of my own stories ready to post.
I decided I needed at least 10 blogs ready to post before I started, so if I got busy at work, I always had a backlog. I started off with such a backlog that I posted twice weekly for a while – a decision I regretted when the interviewees dried up.
Technically – I googled how to start a blog. I bought my domain name and set up a wordpress site. A dear friend agreed to do my artwork. That part did not take long and was not expensive. I did make some mistakes. I chose the wrong hosting platform initially (wrong as in their inclusions were poor and their help desk was really a sales desk). Trying to switch hosting platforms after buying a domain name from them made things more complicated than they needed to be.
The last area, and still the one I struggle with the most is finding people to interview! I ask on various platforms and I send direct requests (less often as that often involves making people feel bad if they say no). Sometimes people come to me either via referrals (thank you to all those who have referred someone!!) or they approaching me directly after reading my blog. I am open to suggestions as to how to do that part more effectively. These days I never seem to have a huge backlog!
I get joy in every single story I hear – regardless of whether it is a more relatable step out of the comfort zone or something ambitious and unattainable to most. I laugh and cry as I interview people, or just empathise strongly. I don’t ask a heap of questions; I prefer to let people talk with a few questions to help them tell their story.
I hope that answers your questions – and don’t forget to let me know if you have a story to share with me!