Carly reflected on comfort zones and what they mean when I invited her to be interviewed for this blog. “I was thinking about my experience and what is the comfort zone. And more to the point, why do we call it a comfort zone because it’s really not a comfortable place to be? 

“And having the courage to make a change or try something in a different way might feel a bit challenging or uncomfortable or scary before we take the plunge. But as soon as you take that first step, you feel really liberated and energised. And it’s almost like a return to who you really are. I feel like that’s the difference between living and existing.”

Carly’s experience that she chose to share was her decision to take a break from alcohol “I had found myself in a place where I was really unhappy. And I felt like I was sort of stuck in a rut where I was working really hard all week – working long hours in quite an intense, stressful role.

“Then the weekend would come and I couldn’t wait to get out of the office and go and have a drink with friends and then I’d party through the weekend, and then Monday would come and I’d be back at square one.

“I was ‘healthy’ by societal standards, I wasn’t drinking every night, I wasn’t considered an alcoholic. But looking back, it wasn’t a healthy way of living at all”

A traumatic event found Carly reflecting on how she was living her life and she came to the conclusion that alcohol was holding her back. “Then I started to think ‘Alright, well maybe I’ll just have a break’ I didn’t set out to stop drinking for a week or a month or three months – there were no rules. I decided that I would have a break and see how that felt.”

Making that decision brought up a lot of uncomfortable questions for Carly “You’ve got this dinner with these people – so how do I do that? Or we’ve got that work thing. And then questioning – do you do you really have to drink at those events? Because I would always have thought ‘Yeah, of course I do.’

“And that’s how we operate in society, in the circles that I was in, my family and in my workplaces. It made me realise not only how normalised it was, but also had me questioning whether there was a bit of identity wrapped up in that.

“So, who am I if I’m not that fun party girl? Who am I if I’m not this person who drinks socially? And how is that going to be perceived?

“I also realised that under that there was a bit of fear of being seen in a different way, or a fear of letting that go. And then I realised how ridiculous both of those things were.

“Wondering would my friends still want to hang out with me if I wasn’t going to be drinking, and realising how ridiculous that was.”

Carly decided to just try it. No rules made, more experimental, an exploration, something that took courage in stepping away from the comfort zone and what was considered ‘normal’.

“I was quite amazed after getting past those initial ‘challenges’ that they were really not real. And I wasn’t held to anything. And realising that I did still enjoy that lunch. And people did still talk to me at the at the work event, the wedding, the social event. And furthermore, there was now a more valuable conversation to be had.”

Carly found that this step out of her comfort zone had a ripple effect of choices that were made from a place of selfcare – decisions that have led to a new job, a new home, and a deeper connection with nature and exercise.

She also started questioning the unspoken expectations – from something as simple as leaving a dinner when you are tired rather than waiting for an ‘acceptable’ time to leave.

For people considering a step out of their comfort zone Carly has this advice “It comes down to connecting to the meaning and purpose behind what you’re doing and what that means to you, and who you really are. Because if you’re stepping out of your comfort zone for you, then the minute that you take that step, it’s going to feel completely liberating, and you’ll feel supported and so free and alive. You’ll be completely energised and you’ll never look back.

“But I think if you were stepping out of your comfort zone out of pressure or out of expectation, or because you feel that you ‘should’ do something for someone else – I don’t know how that will go. It probably would not feel as true”

Carly finished with a reminder that the comfort zone may be familiar – but it is not really that comfortable! And she raised an enquiry: “Why is it that we seek comfort over personal growth?”