This is an email I sent to Ebony (link above) after a photo shoot that exceeded all my expectations!

This is a story about a personal step out of my comfort zone. A photo shoot that was designed to have me look sexy. I had agreed to ‘implied nudity’. Something I was always going to do ‘when I got to my goal weight’. Then I saw Ebony’s add on a facebook page and decided it was time. Life is too short!

Hi Ebony,

I’ve been thinking ever since I saw the photos about how to explain to you how much they mean to me.

So I apologise for the long email in advance. I want to share the history so you understand a bit of how I feel.

I first remember being size conscious in my early teens. A family friend (a man in his early thirties at the time) made a comment about it.

Actually in primary school dad asked if FT on my art smock stood for ‘fat tummy’. I recall that so vividly. Fat was such a negative term to me.

I started my first diet at 16.

I dieted from then until about 4 years ago. I was either dieting or feeling guilty for not dieting. All the time. Every day. For years.

My weight yoyo’d and always ended up higher than it started.

For 30 years I fought my body. I felt like a failure. I hated my fat. I hated how I looked. 

I didn’t let it stop me from doing things, but I would be self-conscious a lot of the time.

Then I met the amazing Zoe who became my dietitian due to food intolerances. It was she who introduced me to healthy at every size (HAES).

Over the next 3 years I gradually started to accept my body. Accept its size and appreciate what it could do for me. Accept that I was not one of the 5% of people for whom diets worked. Accept that focusing on health and fitness was a much better option.

I stopped feeling as self conscious. I stopped wanting to diet. The scale shared a number that was more like a shoe size than a horror film.But I never expected to love my body.

Then your photos came through.

And I LOVED how my body looked. Even my belly as I arched my back in one of the photos I purchased. It looked sexy. I looked sexy.

I never thought I would like the photos of me that you took, I did it for the experience.  I was wrong. Looking through your proofs I was loving how my body looked for the first time I can ever remember! Even when I dieted myself into a size 8 I did not love my body!

What you did for me is something I will be forever grateful for. It is life changing.

Thank you is not enough, but I will say it again anyway.

Thank you.

~*~*~*~*~*~

I want to add that I expected to find one, maybe 2 photos that I didn’t hate.
I purchased 30, that I love! I could have purchased more!