I am going to start with the end of Bex’s story – “I am flawed.  I am ace.”.

Those two statements side by side really resonate with me. 

But back to the beginning. 

Bex loves her comfort zone, in her words “Can’t budge me from it.  It’s my safety net, my security blanket, my ‘zone’. ”

Then, seven years ago, she was pushed out of her comfort zone, and it wasn’t her choice. “Mentally I was not in a good place.  There was a war going on in my head, my mind and my emotions.  I would wake up mentally exhausted.  I would be emotionally all over the place – flying high on happiness and then crashing to miserable depths.  I was always in tears especially over stupid things.  Emotionally and socially I was cutting myself off from those around me and withdrawing.  It took one day when I was at my lowest that I realised that maybe… just maybe, I might have a problem.  I was being mentally crippled by my mental and emotional state.  Crippled in that I was too “scared” to do things that I loved.  Too anxious about doing something that would normally not bother me at all.  Something like going out of dinner with friends because some an emotional and mental tax, that would stop doing it. ”

Rather than ignore the situation Bex sought help. This meant having to learn to talk about herself and how she felt.  The result was the diagnosis of anxiety and depression – and the next step was therapy.  

“If I was struggling with going through the diagnoses process with all the intrusive questions, how was I going to go with therapy?  I wasn’t just pushed out of my comfort zone, I was being shoved.  Hard.  And with brutal force.  If you are a natural introvert, talking about yourself is hard enough.  Talking about healing your brain and your mental state of mind – is brutal.  It means making yourself emotionally vulnerable.  It means stripping back emotional layers that are the mental bubble wrap to protect you.  It means being honest and asking questions about yourself that you may not like.  May not want to be asked.  May not want to answer. 

“It means dumping all the mental pieces of your mind and like a puzzle, picking through them to construct a picture that is healthy and constructive.

“It means challenges.  Like facing the days where you want to pull the doona over your head and hide – so you get up and face the world.  It means taking away the safety net to be brave to face challenges that proves that you don’t need the net.  That if things don’t go to plan or don’t work out – that’s okay.  It means accepting that because you don’t tick a stereotype box – doesn’t mean that you are some freak.”

Bex was literally set a series of challenges, with the first one being to share her story. This not only involved making herself vulnerable, but it involved public speaking!  Despite literally knocking knees, Bex felt a huge relief once she had mastered this challenge. 

The next challenge was to mentor someone who was also suffering from anxiety and depression, the third to go speed dating!  Speed dating taught Bex that other people did find her interesting and maybe she was being too hard on herself. 

Her last challenge was to “go to my mirror and look myself in the eye.  I’ve never really did that.  I look in the mirror but it’s to look at something in particular.  Hair’s looking passable, lipstick is on point, shirt covers the essentials.  I’ve never looked at myself.  That is one of the hardest things to do…  That you have to accept and acknowledge yourself.”

And that leads me back to the start.  What did Bex learn? “Well – without sounding like I am throwing my ticket-tape parade – I am flawed.  I am ace.  Both are neither right or wrong, they are what they are.  I need to learn to accept that sometimes my flaws are on show and I shouldn’t beat myself up about them and turn them into something that will trigger anxiety.  That sometimes you need to buckle your mental seatbelt and let the ride take you rather than being stressed and trying to control the ride.  Accept that you have highs (positives) and soldier through the lows because both are perfectly okay.  Just be honest with myself.

“Oh and remember to breathe… if you are breathing you are okay.”

About Bex – long suffering St Kilda fan, pop culture tragic, music gig pig, wannabe professional traveller, proud aunt of two adorable cheeky nieces, loves a dad joke, a sucker for a good story, can be bribed with Reece’s peanut buttercups, would make an awesome snarky sassy sidekick, may have an obsession with red lipsticks (20 and counting!!!)