Tag: #blog

Our own version of success

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Words by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Nada
Image by me

Nada talked to me about stepping out of her comfort zone to find a career that aligned more closely to her values. “I think it’s so important to plan your career from the right place and not to be restricted by someone else’s version of success. I think it’s so important to really define our own version of what success means. Create that vision. Often, it’s that lack of clarity and vision that keeps us stuck. So, it’s important to create the vision of the future we want to create, and then to empower ourselves and give ourselves permission to create it.”

And Nada did just that!

“I think the biggest time I stepped out of my comfort zone was leaving the security of a well-established career and corporate role when I decided to start my own business – very much a leap of faith.”

Nada started her career as an accountant, but gradually realised that her interest lay in people not numbers! She was able to move into people and company management roles, but “I realised that companies don’t always have the person’s best interest in mind when it comes to development. I saw poor leadership practices, for example, and wanted to develop these people as leaders. But I was not able to do that. Because as long as they’re bringing in the money, it doesn’t matter if they’re burning people and there is a revolving door of new hires and departures”

Having people’s best interests at the core of what she did was the driver behind Nada’s move to starting her career as a career development and transition consultant.

“One of my passions was also helping people make the transitions from technical roles to leadership roles. It’s not just a simple step of you’ve been really great at your job, well we’re going to reward you now. It doesn’t work that way unless there’s some extra work put in developing the people skills. Helping people to find their alignment because of my long career journey of finding my way from numbers to people.

“And it’s been a long hard road because I didn’t really have that advice available. I didn’t have that support available to help me even develop my self-awareness in terms of what are my strengths? What are my natural preferences? It was really hard to identify what’s the true me versus the ‘shoulds’ of this is a good profession or this is a good organisation.

“Letting go of that security blanket, stepping out of that comfort zone was a really big leap of faith, as I said, but a very rewarding one. Because it has given me the freedom and the ability to do things my way, to pursue what really lights me up, but also to see that reward of lighting other people up and helping them to elevate themselves.”

Some of the benefits (aside from finding alignment between her values and her work) Nada found stepping out of her comfort zone include increased self-belief and also realising the awesome determination to succeed that was a central part of her nature.

Nada also had some great insights into how careers are different in the modern day “Because we just can’t rely on going to uni, learning a set of skills and we’re set for life in our career. We can’t tie our self-identity to that role or to that organisation. Because they’re not guaranteed. So it’s critical we invest this time in self-development and self-awareness, in understanding and even treating ourselves as the CEO of our own careers, not leaving it up to someone else, and not leaving it up to chance where we end up, where we drift.

“I think stepping out of your comfort zone is going to be the new normal.”

You can find out more about Nada’s work at www.elevateme.com.au, or reach out to Nada on www.linkedin.com/in/nadamatijevic if you’re struggling with your own career challenge.

Thank you Nada

Starting my blog!

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Words and image by me (Fiona)

I often get asked about writing this blog – how I got started, why I got started, how I find people to interview.

So today I am going to write about some of those things.

I started the blog due to several questions that all led to a blog being the answer.

Firstly, I was on the possible redundancy list at work and someone on LinkedIn suggested that if I lost my job, I could go on the speaking circuit talking about agile and software testing. I was horrified! Not at public speaking, that appealed, but at talking about software testing which I had only recently moved on from after years of trying to move in a different direction. That got me thinking about what I could talk about. The only thing I felt passionate enough about at the time was (you guessed it!) ‘stepping out of your comfort zone’. But I didn’t think there would be an audience.

Secondly, I had some time off after some surgery and did a lot of reading. This included some books by Dorie Clark on networking for introverts as well as ways of standing out from the crowd – they included blogging as a way of making a name for yourself and asking people to be interviewed as a way of networking. But again, I had no subject to write about.

The last pieces of the puzzle came together in a conversation after a Christmas BBQ in 2018. A friend who was on the public speaking circuit himself told me that there would most definitely be an audience for the topic of ‘stepping out of your comfort zone’. We also discussed that writing a blog would give me content for speaking as well as a level of being an ‘authority’ on the topic.

Out of those events the thought came to me: ‘What if I wrote a blog about stepping out of your comfort zone, and instead of just my own stories I asked others to share theirs?’

My first step was to ask people if I they would share their stories. And was blown away by the number of people who said yes – keeping in mind that at this stage the blog did not exist! I also wrote a few of my own stories ready to post.

I decided I needed at least 10 blogs ready to post before I started, so if I got busy at work, I always had a backlog. I started off with such a backlog that I posted twice weekly for a while – a decision I regretted when the interviewees dried up.

Technically – I googled how to start a blog. I bought my domain name and set up a wordpress site. A dear friend agreed to do my artwork. That part did not take long and was not expensive. I did make some mistakes. I chose the wrong hosting platform initially (wrong as in their inclusions were poor and their help desk was really a sales desk). Trying to switch hosting platforms after buying a domain name from them made things more complicated than they needed to be.

The last area, and still the one I struggle with the most is finding people to interview! I ask on various platforms and I send direct requests (less often as that often involves making people feel bad if they say no). Sometimes people come to me either via referrals (thank you to all those who have referred someone!!) or they approaching me directly after reading my blog. I am open to suggestions as to how to do that part more effectively. These days I never seem to have a huge backlog!

I get joy in every single story I hear – regardless of whether it is a more relatable step out of the comfort zone or something ambitious and unattainable to most. I laugh and cry as I interview people, or just empathise strongly. I don’t ask a heap of questions; I prefer to let people talk with a few questions to help them tell their story.

I hope that answers your questions – and don’t forget to let me know if you have a story to share with me!

Learn to Love the Resistance

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Photo by sippakorn yamkasikorn on Unsplash
Words by me (Fiona) based on an interview with Lyssa

“I’m interested in doing this because, I guess a couple reasons. Number one, I’m interested in supporting women in particular in their pursuits in the world, and them having a unique voice and having their unique voice be heard. And the other thing is that I’m always interested in discovering more about myself and I find when I do interviews like this I find myself saying things I didn’t know I was going to say. And then that’s a whole other level of reflection for me to take on board.” – Lyssa Adkins 

Confession time – when Lyssa agreed to be interviewed for this blog there may have been a mini celebration in the office. We are all huge fans! Now that I have that out of the way, may I say that Lyssa did not disappoint.  

Phew – now that we have that out in the open, on with Lyssa’s story. 

Lyssa had a unique take on that resistance you feel before you take the step. “I think I’ve over time come to really love that resistance as a friend because if I am somehow wanting something but not making progress on it that resistance is there to say ‘maybe not yet’. 

“And I find that I live with things for I’m going to make this concrete in a moment. Because right now it’s quite abstract, I realized, but I find that I live with concepts for quite a while before I’m really ready to move on them. And it takes a while for the vision to come forward. And for me to find a way to do some small experiments. And through those small experiments, prove to myself that I really am okay over here in this new thing. And then the resistance fades and my full vision can come online.” 

This really made me think, it was not something I had considered before. I always try to push through that resistance as quickly as I can.  

Lyssa and I agreed an example would be great. 

“There’s one thing in particular that has been brewing for me for probably about 10 years now. And that’s something related to climate change. 

“I became aware of our climate predicament about 10 years ago and was utterly devastated. 

“And then sort of went to sleep about it as I built a business and focused on my mission in Agile coaching. 

“Just recently I have realized that things have progressed in the climate realm and we’re now faced with living with climate disasters, which wasn’t true as much 10 years ago. And I now have more time to really consider what is my role? 

“I’ve started to have dreams about this thing called the Climate Response Network. And I think what it is, is a network of Agile consultancies and coaching organizations around the world that are finely tuned and able to help climate responder organizations. For example, the people who might be organizing how the wildfire response is happening in Australia. 

“For a long time, I was sort of thinking maybe that’s where I’m called. I’m even having dreams about it at night but still sort of not making any real tangible progress on it. And whereas I used to find that sort of unconscious or intangible resistance, that resistance underneath the surface. I used to look at it and go: ‘you don’t need to be here, I’m gonna kick you out of the way and I’m going to do this anyway.’ I’ve come over time to learn that’s part of my process actually. Because my vision is coming more clearly into focus.” 

For Lyssa there is also an element of talking about it to others to help focus the idea into something more actionable. What also tends to happen during this resistance is that Lyssa finds the people and connections she needs to make it happen start to come onto her life. That helps to build momentum and reassurance that Lyssa is on the right track. 

Lyssa split stepping out of your comfort zone into a couple of types – go for it if you are trying to grow, learn etc. But if you have a compelling vision then maybe sit in the resistance a while, pay attention to that resistance. 

“And is the nature of their resistance about a belief that they’re not they’re not ‘blank’ whatever the ‘blank’ is – I’m not smart enough, strong enough, I’m don’t have the right connections. Because if that’s the situation as my coach friends always like to say, self-confidence can be arranged. 

“If the nature of the resistance is that ‘is that you?’ So for me I’ve been in the pit of despair about where we are as a planetary ecosystem. We’re very quickly encroaching on the planetary boundaries of the planet can sustain human life. So if it’s that I would say go into the despair even more which is kind of a strange thing to say. 

“Because in that depth is the yearning, the desire and maybe some clarity about what part of this is yours and what part of this is other people to do.” 

I am continuously awed by the different perspectives each person brings to stepping out of their comfort zone. 

Thank you again Lyssa for your thoughts! 

A little about Lyssa:

I am a coach, facilitator, teacher and inspirer.

My current focus is improving the performance of top leadership teams and Boards of Directors through insightful facilitation and organization systems coaching. Making difficult decisions faster and with clear alignment, unknotting challenging, multi-department impediments, creating the conditions for organizational delivery…this is where I thrive and help thrive.

Rappelling Part 5 – Jumps two and three!

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Photo by Edu Lauton on Unsplash
Story by Fiona (me)

Once all the paying jumpers were on the ground floor Troy leapt spectacularly from the roof to the ground – 100% faith in his son to stop him before he hit the ground. The sight was awe-inspiring in the truest sense.

Another nervous jumper and I received wonderful hugs from Troy, as a congratulations and well done. I will be honest – it felt great!

Then it was back up to the roof for jump 2 of 3. I was looking forward to it.

Until Troy told us he was upping the ante!

Jump 2 we were given the option of jumping off a standing position, on top of the wall, toes hanging over, leaning forward 45 degrees… oh my goodness!

Then, we were told we could walk down to the first of 3 flags then push off from the wall, loosen our hands and jump to the next flag!

This time around I waited further back in the group, until I realised my nerves were getting worse.

Troy must have sensed my fear as he called me up. To my shock he didn’t ask if I was going to stand, we laughed about the fact that there was zero chance of that happening. I also decided not to do the jumping. It seemed like a complexity I didn’t need!

Round 3 was the fun round. Nothing new to learn. I applied my learnings – don’t wait too long (I went third) and I also decided to do a couple of jumps. It is possible I was motivated by having sore hands from holding on so tight, but regardless of why – I jumped down a section of the wall! Twice.

The high from all the adrenaline lasted longer than the hour Troy predicted.

I apologise publicly to everyone I spoke to in the few hours following – I may have been a bit hyper and spoken a few too many words per minute!

If you are thinking about stepping out of your comfort zone may I suggest Rap Jumping? The feeling of achievement when you have done it is amazing – but doesn’t beat the joy of walking down a wall!

Rappelling Part 2 – The Lead Up

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Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash
Words by me (Fiona)

As you may have seen from my part 1 blog on rappelling, from when I saw the gift voucher for this activity I was extremely nervous – feeling lightheaded and nauseous nervous.

So in the week leading up to R-day (aka the day of rappelling) I told many people. I committed publicly any time that the opportunity arose – and in some cases just posted online regarding my plans – and my terror!

Up until the night before I had not done any research. I just knew I was going face first down the outside of a building.

Then the panic really set in. I read the FAQs on the rap jumping site. I measured my waist circumference to ensure I was within the limits. I planned my outfit (dark colours recommended), I wondered why dark colours were recommended! I looked at the images posted of smiling faces as people walked down the wall.

With my time of departure planned, my chosen dark clothing laid out, and my alarm set (just in case!) I went to bed on the Friday night.

And slept soundly until 4am… at 4:15am I was googling instructions for beginner rappelling – most of which were rope tying instructions! At that stage (assuming that I would not be tying my own ropes) – reminding myself that the activity was safe for children as young as 7 – I went back to bed and slept fitfully while dreaming of all the ways I may be expected to get off the roof and onto the wall.

I headed off Saturday morning with plenty of time, found a car park nearby and arrived 15 minutes before the ‘arrive 15 to 30 minutes early’ request. To an empty meeting spot.

We were to meet in the car park, and I spent the next 15 minutes peering around the edge of the building, relocating myself to try and find the perfect position of comfort, shade and visibility of the car park to spy anyone else arriving. R-30mins arrived and I was still alone in the carpark (other than the hostel guest who came out to his car 3 times and gave me odd looks – it is possible the whites of my eyes were showing) so in a panic I called the 1300 number to make sure I was in the right car park. I was. They were on the roof doing their safety checks and would be down soon.

To be continued!

Know your line

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Photo by Alexandre Chambon on Unsplash
Words by Fiona based on an interview with Tanya

I started my conversation with Tanya talking about her amazing business – Girl Shaped Flames – but then she mentioned a time she stepped out of her comfort zone and it didn’t work out. And she kindly allowed me to focus on that part of her experience – but I will start by saying Tanya has had success outside of her comfort zone both before and after this particular experience! 

When Tanya was 24 she got a role as a film production manager in the UK with very little experience and was very good at it! 2 years later and one of her contacts wanted to work with her on a film he was the 1st assistant director on.  

“And he called me up and said, ‘I’m working on another film and It’d be so cool if we could work together again. They already have a production manager on the job, but I wonder if I could find another role for you to come on as.’ 

“And, as it turned out, he managed to wrangle me into a second assistant director role, which is very similar to production manager because essentially you’re in charge of organising things, but the difference is that you’re organising people (and let’s be honest egos.  I was more used to managing resources, crew, logistics etc.” 

“I sort of went into it a little bit naive thinking I can figure the differences in the roles out. I’m sure it’s fine. But very quickly, within a few days of me being there, I started questioning whether I actually knew how to handle the nuances of the job or not.  That partnered with a pretty unsupportive production manager on set who was frustrated that the 1st AD had hired someone inexperienced for the role. I certainly went in just trying to do the best job I could, and it was fairly challenging circumstances. But the whole time I just had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I wasn’t sure whether this was all going to plan. 

“We did six weeks of prep, and then we were supposed to have a six-week shoot, but about three and a half weeks into shooting things just dissolved to a point where I was really struggling in the role. I imagine it was partly a conflict of my skillset not being quite right as well as the challenges presented clashing with the PM.   

“But there came one day where I basically had not been able to give the lead actress the attention that she needed while she was waiting to be called to set, because I was just overwhelmed with other work and I lost track of time really. She was in a very fragile state. She was away from her family. She’s had very  emotional and draining scenes in the film, and she had a bit of a meltdown, essentially.  

“And this was a situation that was really my responsibility to keep under control, and I hadn’t. It all came crashing down on me.  

“So off the back of that it presented a good time for myself and the film to ‘mutually part ways’, which is the polite way of saying that I was pretty much fired because if I hadn’t chosen to go, they were going to have to fire me anyway. 

“That was hands down the most confidence shattering experience that went against all of the beliefs I had in myself and the world. The world where I thought ‘you can take on any challenge, you can throw yourself into anything. If you work really hard, and you try really hard, you will find a way to make things work and succeed’. And the fact that I had done all those things yet it had still not succeeded really shook the foundations of how I functioned as a human being. Two days later (which happened to be my birthday) I got on a plane and flew back to Australia and I hid out at my mum’s house for five weeks, refusing to go back to London because I was so distraught over what this meant – my film career, and my dream, felt over.” 

Tanya has found that processing is critical in recovering from an event like this. “We’re all really quick to say ‘Don’t worry, brush it off, it’s fine. It doesn’t matter. Keep going, it’s all good.’ But that’s not how we work as people. It’s not how we work mentally or emotionally, really, we do need time to process and we need time to cry and be angry and it’s almost like you go through the stages of mourning: denial, bargaining etc until finally you come out the other side of it.” 

Tanya started slowly and, with lots of support, got back into the producer and production manager role that she was confident in. 

I asked Tanya if this experience changed her willingness to set out of her comfort zone, and the answer was that it didn’t necessarily change her willingness, but she is less emotional when she decides to do so “it has definitely made me think a little bit more, consider a bit more thoroughly.” 

But she’s determined to continue to promote confidence development and risk taking within the younger generation coming through. Tanya gives the below advice to high school girls on her Girl Shaped Flames program: 

“What’s really important is developing a very clear understanding of yourself and trying to understand what excites you, what terrifies you, what you’re good at, what you’re not good at, what you like and what you don’t like as early as possible. 

Because the more you do that, and the more you understand yourself, the greater your belief in your capacity becomes – and whether that’s capacity to succeed in a professional environment, or whether it’s capacity to survive in an adventure opportunities. Because when we believe, when we understand our own capacity, it positions us in such a better place to say yes when opportunities that sit outside of our comfort zone arise. 

“One of the talks I give the girls is about your ‘line of perceived ability’. We talk about how you might think that your line of perceived ability is here. If you try this new thing that is over that line, and you don’t reach all the way there, but you reach part way you move your line a little bit further out. That line doesn’t come back. It’s not elastic, it doesn’t snap back, that line stays out.  

“So once you’ve spoken in front of 100 people, you spoke in front of hundred people, no one can take that away. It might not have been 1000 people but it was 100. That is what you know you’re capable of doing. 

“So I guess my advice to people around stepping out of their comfort zone is yes, 100%: do it. But the more you can spend time and effort really developing a solid understanding of yourself and your strengths and passion points, then when you have the opportunity to expand the line further and further out. So eventually so many more things are IN your comfort zone!” 

Awesome advice Tanya! 

A bit about Tanya:

Originating from regional QLD (Yeppoon) Tanya Meessmann is an internationally-experienced Communications, Branding and Film professional and the founder of Girl Shaped Flames: a Brisbane-based organisation connecting Secondary girls with Extraordinary Women across a variety of industries for experiential opportunities that help them identify the fire within and break through limitations to reach their full potential.  Over the past 2 years months she has connected over 2500 girls, parents and educators with over 170 strong, female role models through more than 80 live events across the state.